Life in Kampung Punggol

Star gazing

2011-11-30T15:37:00.000+08:00

Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"

Birds singing in the sycamore trees

Dream a little dream of me

(from 'Dream A Little Dream Of Me')

I used to love singing this song, especially with a loved one before me.
I also love star-gazing, and in the same light (no pun intended), especially with a loved one beside me.
Ever since I began this journey towards the priesthood, I am usually left singing songs to myself or star-gazing by myself. Yet, I still find considerable joy and delight in them.

5.02am. The sky was still dark as I walked down the covered walkway of the seminary, headed towards the chapel. I glanced to my left and noticed this bright speck of light above the horizon. I stopped in my tracks, amazed to see how unusually clear the sky seemed to be. I considered how I was already slightly late for my usual early morning holy hour with the Lord, but something prompted me to just take a step outside. Following my gut, I stepped out of the covered walkway and looked up. I was stunned. The sky was littered with glittering diamonds that shone so brightly. It was one of the rare times in Singapore that I ever got to see so many stars in such a clear night sky. It was truly a sight to behold.

It's been said that it only takes the smallest flame to light up the darkest room, the tiniest speck of light to lead to the furthest end of the tunnel. It is always amazing to see how the smallest events in life, often lead us to the biggest and most amazing changes of our life. It could be a friend's unexpected encouragement to apply for a scholarship on the last day of application, a girl you just happened to bump into on a mission trip, or a simple out-of-the-blue invitation to attend a retreat. And we can so easily just brush aside these chance encounters of the smallest speck of light above the horizon of our life, and walk on ahead as if nothing really happened. Or we can take notice of it, respond to it, and let that tiny bright star lead you to eventually being granted that scholarship which you initially never thought it possible, to getting attached to the girl of your dreams whom you never thought ever possible to meet, and to discovering your true vocation in your life that you once thought was never meant for you.

As I marveled at the sight above me, and felt the cool breeze brush against me, the song flowed into my head. It seemed like the perfect night. For I knew I was not alone in my stargazing. The Creator was right before me, His Spirit right beside me. I was finally stargazing once again with my One True Love. And as if things couldn't get any better, my One True Love once again exceeded my greatest expectations. While I gazed into the clear night sky admiring His sparkling jewels, a sudden flash of light bolted across the night sky for a split-second. I was literally star-strucked. I blinked my eyes in astonishment, while my mouth was left gaping. I was just blown away at having just witnessed the brightest shooting star I had ever seen in my life!

As I followed each of my tiny stars in life, and each time getting pleasantly surprised by what God had in store for me, somehow, God would make sure that there was plenty more to come. Even after getting my first scholarship from the firm in which I started my working career in, God showed me that He had something even better planned out for me in terms of a 'career'. Even after meeting the girl of my dreams, one that fulfilled everything I ever wanted in a life partner, God showed me that He had an even better 'spouse' planned out for me. Even now as I enter the early stages of formation for the vocation that God has revealed to me, today, through that shooting star, He assures me that greater things are yet to come. I only need to keep watching out for Him, to keep my eyes fixed on Him, to keep Star-gazing.

"The Father loves the Son and shows him everything he does; and he will show him even greater things than these, so that you will be amazed." - John 5:20

As we begin this season of Advent, we also recall how it was also one star that led the three wisemen to the greatest event of their lives - to see the Light of the world Himself. And as we recall our own tiny stars in our life that led us to the biggest changes in our life, we also need to recall the One who has been behind every one of those tiny stars, and reflect if there have been any other tiny stars in our life that we have failed to notice, or simply brushed aside as we walked our own way? Have there been signs that God has been placing in our lives that we are afraid to respond to, afraid to find out where it will lead us, afraid to have to give up what we originally planned to walk towards?

If the wisemen had not followed the star of David, they would not have found Jesus, and they would not have "returned to their home country by another way" (Matthew 2:12b), their lives totally transformed. If I had not followed the stars in my life, I would not have found Jesus, and have my life totally transformed by this new way of life that God has called me to. Be not afraid to follow your star, because you do not want to miss out on the most amazing plan God has for you, the most amazing life God has in store for you.

~~~~~

Advent Project 2011: STAY Awake!
If you'd truly like to follow the star in your life, this Advent Project may be one possible star that can lead you to God and His plan for you. It may seem like a small project, and you may not even see immediate results, but if you faithfully respond to His star, and patiently gaze upon it, you might just find yourself in for a big and pleasant surprise! So to find out more, click on: http://www.facebook.com/events/220968691309848/ and happy Star-gazing!

Gonna get married

2011-11-12T14:29:00.002+08:00

(in the background)
*snap*
*snap*
*snap*
*snap*

Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel and we're
Gonna get married
Gee, I really love you and we're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel of love
(from 'Chapel of Love' by The Dixie Cups)

I used to dream of singing this song with the girl of my dreams one day.
As it turns out, she'll be singing this song with another man, on this very day.
I knew this day would come, sooner or later.
I just didn't know how I'd be like on that fateful day.

Some years back, my call and desire for the priesthood often got tangled up with conflicting emotions of jealousy over couples and resentment over weddings. I'd grimace at the sight of couples, looking at myself as if I got the short end of the stick, and battle with memories and heartaches at weddings, wondering to myself why my life couldn't end up just like the rest of them.

But God took care of that.

As time went by in the seminary and as God continued to affirm me of my calling, healing took place and slowly I was better able to receive wedding invitations with genuine joy, whilst remaining genuinely happy with my own vocation. Still, it's one thing to accept that your friends are getting married, and a totally different thing to accept the marriage of the one you used to dream of walking down the aisle with, and of the man who is to take your place.

But God took care of that.

The Invitation
Firstly, in God's perfect timing, it was only after I received a deep healing experience at the Conversion Experience Retreat early this year which freed me from a lot of repressed hurt and resentment, that I then received her wedding invitation about a month later, which I surprised myself by taking it rather calmly, and found myself able to be happy for her, and to give her my fullest blessing.

The Departure
Secondly, as the day of the wedding was approaching, and while I was in the midst of deliberating whether to attend the wedding or not, for fear of what may happen to me on that very day, it so happened (of cos' I knew God was behind this yet again) that the seminary was to have a Recollection on the same weekend, which kind of 'solved' my dilemma. But what was more amazing was that on the Fri evening of the Recollection, we were shown a Japanese movie aptly entitled 'Departures'.

In the movie, circumstances caused a man to lose his dreams of being a cello player in an orchestra, and re-directed him to the discovery, and eventually a love for the job as an encoffiner (someone who performs the ritual of cleansing over the deceased), a job that is 'taboo' and looked down upon by others. I identified with it in the way God made me give up my dreams of marriage in order to discover a whole new vocation which I have come to love, and found myself so much more fruitful and happier - a vocation that 'nobody also wants'. Yet, in the movie, it pointed out how the role of the encoffiner was so essential and greatly appreciated by many families as it helped them in their grieving process; in the same way, I too have discovered how the priesthood is just as essential and instrumental in ministering to others and being the bridge for them to encounter God. What people go through in a lifetime, encoffiners and priests go through every other day, making that much a difference for the lives of many through their one single life.

Through the movie, it was also said that death is not the end, but a gateway to a new and different kind of life. From this, it assured me that I didn't really need to be there at the wedding for 'closure', cos' this is not the end. This day is but a gateway for her to live the new life God has planned for her in the vocation of marriage, just as it is a gateway for me towards the new life God is planning for me in the vocation of the priesthood. I believe our love for each other hasn't ended; it has only changed in the way we express it, this time by continuing to be spiritually present to each other's vocation in prayer and support.

The Break of Dawn
Thirdly, on the Sat morning of the Recollection, which is today, part of the Recollection was for us seminarians to take a walk towards Punggol End where we spent some time in meditation near the beach. Being a lover of nature, God allowed me to once again encounter the vastness and depth of His love and faithfulness through His creation. It was as if God was enveloping me and embracing me with the entire sight of His creation, giving me much consolation and assurance. What was even more amazing, was that just a few days ago, as I spent time praying for a biblical verse to give to the couple as my humble wedding gift, this was what I received from the Lord:

"Blessed is the man that trusts in the Lord,
and whose hope the Lord is.
For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters,
and that spreads out her roots by the river,
and shall not see when heat comes,
but her leaf shall be green;
and shall not be careful in the year of drought,
neither shall cease from yielding fruit."
(Jeremiah 17:7-8)

Along with the verse came an image of what appeared to be a sunrise, rising from behind a foliage of trees, casting its reflection over the still, peaceful waters below it, and lightening up the open sky in gradual tranquility. I shared this image with them as well, praying that their day of Holy Matrimony be a sign of new life, new beginning, where as the sun rises to light up the world, so too may the Son rise in their lives and light up their marriage, so that together as one, both may also rise together with Christ, and light up the world around them.

Today, during my morning walk and meditation, I saw the above verse and image come alive before my very eyes - an entire stretch of evergreen trees planted by the sea, its leaves vibrant green, its flowers and fruits abundant. To top it off, I too, saw the sunrise! It was as if the inspired verse and image that I gave as my wedding gift, was also meant for me to keep in my own path of life.

Looking back, I have come a long and difficult way to reach where I am today. And when I ask myself how was it all possible, I have come to realise that all this while, God has been teaching me a new song. A song that is new, not because the lyrics have been changed or that the melody is different. But a song that is now tuned to the mind of God and not of mine, pitched to the will of God and not of mine, and played on His terms and not on mine. And as I gradually and unknowingly began to learn this new song, not only have I learnt to appreciate this new song, I have come to actually embrace it and fall in love with it. For the beauty of the song lies not only in its perfect arrangement, but more so in the Person who sings it to me, and who invites me to sing it with Him. And once I begin singing this new song, I also begin to realise that I no longer desire to sing any other song, even those I once dreamed of singing.

Sing to the Lord a new song,
sing to the Lord, all the earth!
Sing to the Lord, bless his name;
proclaim his salvation day after day.
(Psalm 96)

As I look back even further to the very day I stepped foot in this seminary for my very first vocation retreat, where God distinctively called me to 'sell everything' and follow Him, where the desire to dedicate my life not just to my spouse but to the entire Church was so strong, I begin to remember why I was crying for the entire 3 days. I wasn't crying cos' I couldn't get married anymore. I wasn't crying cos' she may one day get married to another man. I was crying cos' I was in so much pain at the thought of having to disappoint her by having to end our relationship in order to follow my call. I was crying cos' I was in so much pain worrying if she'd ever find someone she could be even happier with.

But today, God took care of that.
As He always does.
Especially when we learn to sing His new song...

... in the chapel of love.

*snap*
*skip*
*snap*
*skip*
*snap*
*skip*
*snap*
*skip*

*jump with arms in the air*

What Kueh Lapis taught me about sin...

2011-10-21T16:25:00.001+08:00

During the seminary community's recent Educational Outing to the Bengawan Solo factory, besides gaining a full dosage of the rich, fragrant smell of cakes and kuehs the minute we walked into the building, besides gaining an insight to the company's humble beginnings and impressive business model, and of course besides gaining a little weight from the generous samplings of their goodies, little did I expect myself to also gain some beautiful insights from our little trip upon further reflection... especially when it has to do with a rather serious and unpopular topic: SIN.

The Process
While being taken on a tour of the factory and getting a chance to witness some of their kueh-making processes in action, one particular process that intrigued me was the way they made their famous 'Kueh Lapis' (layer cake). Before my very eyes, the chef would pour a thin layer of that sweet 'kueh lapis' mixture, comprising of butter, eggs and sugar, into a tray, before placing the tray on a conveyor belt where the layer would be steamed for an entire round until it returned for the chef to pour another thin layer of that sweet mixture. This process would be repeated for a number of times until the layer reached a certain height.

Similarly, whenever we receive the outpouring of God's sweet mixture of His grace, mercy and forgiveness, through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and after we pray the Act of Contrition, ending with the words "...I will not sin again", deep within our hearts, we know that we are really not quite there yet. In fact, very shortly after, we find ourselves having to go through another round of testing through 'fire' and steam, facing another round of temptations that often lead us back into committing the same sin yet again, and having to eventually return back to the Lord for another outpouring of His sweet forgiveness.

I often get very frustrated and upset with myself whenever I allow myself to get caught in this process of falling into the same sin over and over again. I used to even wonder if God would ever get tired of hearing my confessions, and if there was still any purpose in going in the first place, knowing how easily I might fall into the same sin again after that.

The Countdown
What I learnt from the chef, was that every 'kueh lapis' takes about 25 layers of that sweet mixture and 25 rounds of steaming before it becomes its finished product. That would mean that after 20 rounds of steaming, the chef would know that there would be 5 more rounds of steaming to go.

Supposing God, our all-knowing God, knows exactly how many times we would fall into the same sin, before we are to eventually break free from that sin. This would mean that for every sin we repeat, even after trying our very best to resist its temptation, it does not necessarily take us one step backwards in our journey towards God as many of us would think. It may in fact take us one step closer towards becoming the finished product that God intended for us to be, so long as we continue to return back to Him with contrite hearts for another sweet layer of His grace, mercy and forgiveness. Instead of feeling all guilty and upset for too long a time, I should take comfort that I am work-in-progress, and should not give up but continue to endure another round of testing and purification, and let God countdown towards our eventual completion.

The Necessary Step
In addition, I have also realised that the process of falling into sin in our lives, may not necessarily be an outright impediment or hindrance to our spiritual growth, as if it were a big fat juicy fly landing right into the 'kueh lapis' mixture. God can very purposely make use of our experience of sin, and let it form part of the process of our spiritual growth, or even a necessary step in order for us to learn and grow into the person He intends for us to be. From my own experience, I have witnessed for myself how my constant struggle with sin keeps me humble before God, reminds me of the need to constantly depend on Him for strength, serves as a reflection as to how near or far my relationship with Him is, and also helps me be more compassionate towards others who also fall into sin.

The Anticipation
Lastly, just as a chef, while taking much conscientious care of every round of steaming and layering, would keep most of his attention (and excitement) to the final anticipation of eventually savouring his final product, or to let his customers finally have a taste of his remarkable pride and joy, so too will the God who made us, our Masterchef, while conscientiously watching over every round of steaming and layering in our lives with great care, would reserve His greatest excitement for the eventual day of anticipation, when after a much painstaking and ardous process, we would finally become the masterpiece that He intended for us to be, His pride and joy that He cannot wait to let the whole world have a taste of. And this is when we can meet the world's urgent appetite for God by becoming His powerful living testimonies of the Lord's goodness, love and mercy, where we may proclaim to the entire world, that whatever our God creates, His creation, especially those made in His image and likeness, it will always made of the finest stuff that cannot bluff!

P.S. Enjoy your process...

'To Save A Thousand Souls' Vocation Retreat 2011 - Testimony #1

2011-10-15T16:20:00.002+08:00

There was no outright calling from Him.
In fact, I was pretty distracted and found it hard to focus/open up.
The talks by Fr Brett Brannan were great.
I enjoyed the morning Lauds and evening Vespers, chanting with 50 other males. Heavenly praises filled the chapel.

During adoration in the afternoon on the 2nd day, we were given a chance to "touch the cloak of Jesus" (similar to the account in the Gospel of a lady suffering from hemorrhages). I really want to go up and touch the cloak and seek healing. But when the queue started to form and time was running out, I didn't feel like going anymore. And then a friend of mine told me he felt prompted to ask me to just go. And after much hesitation, I stood up and just went ahead. Touching the "cloak", I prayed for inner healing to heal my wounds and my sins. The healing didn't take place there and then (in God's time I believe). But after that, towards the end of the adoration, I suddenly felt this pair of big and warm hands stretching out over my head, and I could feel 3 words being whispered into my ears, "I love You." Thank you, Jesus.

And then the programme continued and we ended the night with us being assigned to specific stations of the cross to meditate at the stations. There was a lot of praying, meditation, and adoration. I think all these helped to build up towards something good that awaited, even though I didn't feel a deep connection during most of the "organized prayer sessions". So when I finished with the Stations, on the way back, I decided to drop by the Adoration Room. There was this nagging feeling that I still hadn't gotten enough of Him and I needed more.

After prostrating, I sat down in a nice corner. And just few minutes into the silence, tears starting welling up in my eyes and from then on, I couldn't really stop crying for the next 1 hour. It felt like Jesus was purging out all the bottled up pains, unhappiness, bitterness and fear in me. I cried out to Him, "Jesus, I'm sorry. Jesus, I'm scared. I'm in pain." And He simply replied me, "I love you. Do not be afraid. Love yourself." And for the first time, I was able to gaze straight into the Blessed Sacrament with my eyes wide open while tears kept flowing. Usually I'd shut my eyes in the adoration room for fear of losing concentration. But this time round, my eyes were so fixed on Him throughout most of this teary conversation, and I wasn’t really distracted by people going in and out of the adoration room. Then I thought to myself, isn't this the mountain top experience I was hoping for? He embraced me with His love, and asked me to love myself too.

My discernment journey has only just begun.
It is only when you learn to love yourself,
and love Jesus and LET JESUS LOVE YOU,
then you can truly begin to hear His voice.
And to sustain this love,
the only way is to PRAY.
It'll help to be given the strength to be
generous in love &
generous in praying for others.

Participant
Church of St Francis of Assisi

Find. Hide. Sell. Buy.

2011-07-27T17:02:00.003+08:00

"Jesus said to the crowds: 'The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field which someone has found; he hides it again, goes off happy, sells everything he owns and buys the field.'"

(Matthew 13:44)

I relate most to this first parable of today's Gospel reading when I 'stumbled' upon God's call for me to the priestly vocation during a diocesan vocation retreat 4 years ago. I remember staring at my 'treasure' in disbelief and shock, yet at the same time feeling as if the missing part of my life that I have been unconsciously seeking for all my life has finally been found. The joy was so great that till today, I still cannot believe how within the span of those 3 days of retreat, I was crazy enough to make that conscious decision to give up the treasure I thought I had found in the girl of my dreams, and to 'sell' away every dream and plan of a marriage with her, just to obtain the newfound treasure that God revealed to me.

But as I reflected upon the above verse again, what struck me was why didn't the guy just keep the treasure instead of having to hide it back in the field, then go through all that trouble selling everything in order to buy that field. Then the Lord revealed His hidden answer: that treasure would not be treasure if it weren't hidden in the field (the whole purpose of calling something a treasure, no matter what it may be, suggests that it has to be precious and hidden away to be found). Similarly, heat would not be heat if not hidden in fire; love would not be love if not hidden in a relationship; a gift would not be a gift if not hidden in the giver; and the kingdom of heaven would not be so if not hidden in God Himself. In order words, a treasure won't make sense without the field; heat without fire; love without a relationship; a gift without a giver; the kingdom of heaven without God; and in my case, my priestly vocation, or any other vocation of marriage or singlehood for that matter, will not make sense without the One who calls us to our personal vocation - Christ Himself.

Slowly, I realise how this explains why many times over the last 2 years of seminary formation, there are times I start to lose the 'thrill of the chase' (or in this case the 'thrill of finding treasure'). I start to gaze upon other fields and wonder if the treasure hidden in those fields would be even better. The same can be said for married couples who suddenly seem to lose their flaming passions for each other which were once evident in their courtship days, only to be reduced to a whimpering flame or even just a puft of smoke as the years go by. Or in the case of getting involved in a new minstry in church, charged with all the burning enthusiasm of going all out to serve the people of God, only to eventually lose steam, interest and worse, faith. During these moments, we begin to seek other fields for other hidden treasures, seeking one worldly field after another, finding AND losing one worldly treasure after another, to the point that we keep repeating this vicious cycle throughout our lives without realising that the only treasure that can truly satisfy us, is the one God gives us, but only if we know what's the best thing to do with it.

Whenever we think we have found the treasure of our life - the dream career, the dream partner, the dream church ministry, and even the well-discerned vocation in life - even if it were really true that God led us to finding these treasures, and that they were truly meant for us, it is when we fail to hide it back in the field and go through the ardous process of selling everything to buy that field, that the treasure eventually begins to lose its meaning, its purpose, and even its attraction. Whenever we merely grab our treasure upon finding it, clinging on to it in tight possession and even obsession, the treasure slowly becomes the 'curse' on our lives, like the treasure Indiana Jones grabs which then triggers the collapse of the whole temple, except that this happens very gradually and unnoticeably in our lives, until we realise it is too late to run.

Instead, today's Gospel reading challenges us to place our God-given-and-revealed treasure back into the Giver's hands, letting God be the one to safeguard it while we go through the long, painful, but worthwhile process of 'selling' away or purifying our impure motives, our mistaken preconceptions, our harmful attitudes, our painful past, our sinful inclinations etc - whatever that obstructs us from truly, personally and intimately knowing our True Giver, so that we may eventually embrace the Giver of our life, and in turn embrace the Gift or Treasure hidden in the Giver. Only then may we uncover the true joy of the Gift in and through our Giver, uncover the true joy of whichever vocation, spouse, career, church ministry, mission that God reveals to us in His time.

Indeed, Christ is not only the One who contains our treasure, reveals our treasure, and safeguards our treasure. Ultimately, He is the KEY to unlocking our treasure, the KEY to finding joy through our gifts, joy through our ministries, joy through our relationships, and joy through our life's vocation.

And each day as I remind myself to place my vocation in His hands, and manage to 'sell away' even just a tiny portion of what I cling on to that is not of Him, I 'gain' a little more of Him, who then so generously and lovingly grants me a moment of that Kingdom experience of His treasure, to the point that I not only desire to obtain the treasure, but begin to understand why I would want the whole field as well - why all I really want and need is Christ, my beloved Giver.

Living with the Dying

2011-06-09T13:23:00.000+08:00

Since the start of June, I began my 1-month pastoral attachment to St Joseph's Home and Hospice. I stay-in together with the residents, sleep on the same 'hospital bed' as the residents - albeit in a separate room, get bitten by the same red ants that also keep some residents awake at night, and hear the same shouts and screams of some other residents in the middle of the night. Each day, I bathe them, dress them, feed them, and spend time talking to them - or sometimes hear them ranting instead. Almost all of the residents are wheelchair-bound or bed-bound. About half require assistance for almost every simple basic task. A small number are merely and most unwillingly counting their last days. After about a week of interacting with the residents, I have observed 2 broad categories of residents.

The Living Dead
These are the ones I feel very helpless towards. Apart from being given a bath and being fed, they spend the rest of their day sitting listlessly and staring into space. Boredom creeps into their very souls and taunts them every now and then until they become a permanent fixture in their everyday life. Those who can talk share hopelessly about their previous state of life, the things they used to be able to do and control, the career they used to be able to gain wealth and pride with, the food and independence they used to be able to enjoy. Yet, given their current state of life, they sink into depression and resignation, not knowing how to go on from here, and eventually lose all sense of meaning and purpose in living. The worse are the ones deprived of love, care and regular visits from their family members, simply left all on their own with only their pain and sorrow of isolation and desertion to accompany them with every excruciating passing minute. The most painful to watch, are the ones with fear of death in their eyes that remain widely opened for fear that closing them may be the last action they ever get to do. Every moment they lie in denial and resistance, insisting to feed themselves when they no longer have the ability to, wanting to cry but refusing to carry it through. Though I see the staff and volunteers making every effort to give them some form of human dignity - such as combing their hair, cutting their nails, giving them wallets to keep in their pockets - and spend time talking to them, joking with them, or simply being present to them, it still stings me to see them in such a lifeless state.

The Dying to Live
Yet, it isn't all doom and gloom in the Home. There is another group of residents who somehow have been able to spend their days not only meaningfully but joyfully, to the point that they become the ones who sometimes 'minister' to me and bring me joy and hope. Just to point out 3 examples:

The first cheerful resident I was introduced to was an orphan at a very young age. She was taken care by the religious sisters and stayed with them for the most part of her life. Though she can walk, she has very poor eyesight that does not reach beyond her outstretched arms, and is hard of speech and hearing. Yet, every morning without fail, she walks into the chapel - or feels her way through more like it - and faithfully closes the windows or sometimes cleans them as a personal duty that she has adopted out of her own generosity. Each time you reach out to touch her, her failing eyes burst open as she throws this huge megawatt smile into your face that just melts your heart. And she most enjoys communicating with people when you trace out letters into her palm while she does the same to your palm in response.

The next uncle that amazes me may be in a wheelchair, and is also hard of speech and hearing, but he faithfully spends every day going through his own 'stations'. 4 times a day - or sometimes more - he would pray before the statue of Mother Mary with tightly clenched fists and deeply focused eyes, before adopting the same posture in front of a picture of Jesus, then followed by other statues of saints in the Home. Sometimes, you even see him in front of fishtanks or birdcages as if he were keeping them company by talking to them. Then, if you happen to pass him by and wave to him, he bursts into his own megawatt smile and excitedly makes small talk with you through simple gestures that makes it look like you just made his day.

Another astounding resident is wheelchair-bound and unable to speak, and whose contorted body and face requires others to feed him. Yet, he makes it a point to drink water on his own, carrying each glass with weak but determined fingers, lifting it up as he bends his head awkwardly backwards so as to pour water precariously into his gaping mouth that at times overflows and sends streams of water flowing down his neck. Yet, he appears unfazed and remains strong-willed and happy drinking on his own. He also loves having conversations with people, listening to others talk and then responding by spelling out words through patiently pointing letters one at a time printed on a card on his lap. He often asks me to take him on evening walks where he would asks questions about life and God, and often gets very excited and jolly when I make a joke or say something very encouraging and positive. He shares his fear of dying, but allows himself to be encouraged when I reassure him of God's presence and providence in his life.

These are just few of the many whom I see God working powerfully through them, making them powerful witnesses and 'prophets' of how we ought to live life, and more so how we often fail to live life even when we may be physically healthy.

The question that remains on my mind is what makes these 2 general groups of people so different despite the similar circumstances that they are all living - or dying - in?

"Learn how to live, and you'll know how to die; learn how to die, and you'll know how to live"

I got the chance in the Home to watch a movie based on Mitch Albom's book 'Tuesdays with Morrie', and one of the things that struck me in the movie was the above quote in bold by Morrie Schwartz, a school professor who gave his famous last 'lecture' on how to live, while he was dying. And how glaringly true his quote became as I reflected on the residents above. Yet death is a topic we are often unwilling to face or even think about. But the consequences have now become more real and alarming than I ever realised.

But how then do we learn how to live and die? I reflected on this question during my quiet prayer time, and soon the life, and death, of Christ our Saviour came to mind. Jesus first spent His life walking His talk by living out His 2 commandments for us which simply put is: Love God and neighbour. We see the love and trust He had for the Father, and the love and compassion He had for His people in His days on earth. Every moment of His life was centered upon God the Father, and focused on living for the people, not for Himself. And through the way He lived, He re-emphasized it through the way that He died - in total surrender, trust and faith in the Father's will, and in total self-giving love for the world. And through His death, He brought about New Life, for Himself in His resurrection, and for us, if we are to accept it, and live it.

The question that remains for each of us is: are we willing to learn how to live, so that we may be prepared how to die? Are we willing to think about death and learn how to die, so that we may be more equipped on how to live? We can always choose to continue living life the way we want, acquire the things in life we want, control the things we want, and enjoy the things we want. But will we ever be prepared for the day that may come at any point of our God-given life that may leave us helpless, hopeless, and eventually lifeless? If not, now may be the time we start thinking about death, and prepare for it, so that when we start to learn how to love our God and trust in His providence and will, and learn to live life meaningfully out of true, selfless love for others, the day may come when we may be physically deteriorating, and physically dying, yet we may continue to find joy, peace and meaning in being loving and life-giving in whatever small way possible, and spend every last days of our life...

...DYING TO KEEP LIVING!

Diocesan Vocation Retreat 2011 - Testimony #2

2011-05-19T20:15:00.002+08:00

(Editor's Note: The recent Diocesan Vocation Retreat was held from 6-8 May 2011. Here is a testimony from one of our participants at the Retreat.)

~~~~~

The Diocesan Vocation Retreat “Hungry Sheep Seeking Shepherds” held in 2011 was my first at the St Francis Xavier Major Seminary. Prior to the retreat, I had had a very difficult couple of months that culminated in the ending of my relationship of almost three years. I resented the Lord for taking something so precious away from me when He prompted / called me to come away and discern (seriously) the call to the priesthood. And so I came to the retreat seeking answers and some form of closure from the Lord.

The highlight of the retreat for me came during one of the Eucharistic Adoration sessions (which was then followed by the Sacrament of Reconciliation). During the session, the words of the retreat master struck me – “Do I resent God for calling me to discern the vocation to the priesthood?” I broke down in tears because that was exactly how I was feeling – the pain of ending my relationship in order to discern the call (to the priesthood) without any real tangible end in sight, was really too much for me to bear. Through the counsel of the confessor that love always entails some pain, I was reminded of how much the Lord loves me, even dying for me on the Cross. He also reminded me that the Lord is giving me a greater gift by inviting me to respond to His call. Indeed, as I recall now, the words that the Lord had spoken to the disciples, “Do not be afraid. It is I.” (Jn 6:20) was what I needed to affirm me that it is He who is calling me. It was truly a powerful and intense experience for me, when I “re-encountered” the Lord and came to a realization of His great love for me despite all my failings, sins and unworthiness. On another note, during the sharing sessions, I was continually struck and amazed by the words of one my group members. The main message for me was that having “found and trusted the Lord”, I need to “hang on what He has said”. It was another avenue that the Lord was using to reassure me.

I really cannot thank the Lord enough for His goodness and love for me, especially for giving me such reassuring words and signs; words simply fail me at this point. What I would really say to anyone who is trying to find out what is the Lord’s will for him with regard to his life’s vocation, is to “come and see” for yourself. The Lord will and can never be outdone in generosity, and you can be sure He will answer you at the appropriate moment. You will however, need to respond to His invite first, so what say you?

Clarence, 27 (Church of the Holy Spirit)

Diocesan Vocation Retreat 2011 - Testimony #1

2011-05-19T20:00:00.002+08:00

(Editor's Note: The recent Diocesan Vocation Retreat was held from 6-8 May 2011. Here is a testimony from one of our participants at the Retreat.)

~~~~~

The vocation retreat was really very rich and powerful. When I attended it on the first day, I felt like "eating more even when I was full". So I was really glad to be able to experience the three days retreat as I got to experience God's love for real. No words can describe how I felt. It was like joy overflowing my heart. If there is another retreat like this, I do not mind going for it again.

Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am Michael from OLPS. I am a Catholic neophyte, recently baptized last Easter Vigil and I am deaf. God used my own gut feeling to draw me to the Catholic family. I came from a Taoist family. I started to know and believe in Jesus when I was young, studying in a Canossian School for the hearing impaired. Afterwards, I enrolled into Montfort Secondary School where I experienced my own fall due to my ego and immaturity. Back then, I was immature and arrogant. When everything around me went wrong, I found myself in a state of despair and depression. Then, I started to notice a person who keeps calling out to me. Immediately, I recognized it was Jesus who was calling me. Back then, my instincts and gut feeling told me there was something in Jesus. That is when I started to seek Him out. So I took my first RCIY in Risen Christ out of my curiosity. However, I was too concerned with my own difficulties like 'O' levels, family problems and commitments to sports. I remembered that I felt vey "hungry and thirsty" after I left RCIY. After 'O' levels, I made a decision to seek Jesus again. I dropped everything on my hands and made my way to OLPS. I think it was a miracle because I came to OLPS without any directional help or research. It was as if I knew that place even though I had never been there before. Without any obstacle, I spoke to the priest and secretary and took up RCIY again. Gradually, I joined the church ministries like the Charismatic renewal group and Youth ministry. I also visited the other Catholic churches due to my deep interest in Charismatic activities. However, I could not get baptized because my parents objected to it. Otherwise, I would commit the grave sin of disobedience against God and my parents. I had to wait till I reached the age of 21 and then get baptized on my own. But I still felt happy and contented and continued my commitment to Church ministries despite the problems and difficulties like desolation, spiritual dryness, family problems and miscommunication. Because I knew the Catholic Church was the true Church set up by the Lord Jesus a long time ago, I felt attracted to the Eucharist and could not help but simply adore the Most Blessed Sacrament. You can say, it was the Holiness of the Church that drew me to it. Then, last year, I found the chance and took up RCIA, my third attempt. Miraculously, my parents approved me of getting baptized and joining in Holy Communion with the Catholic Church. It had been six years of waiting before I could become one with God. I think it was really God's perfect plan because over six years, I came to know God more. The better I know Jesus, the more ardently will I love Him. If I got baptized six years ago, I would probably become a lost Catholic because I had so little guidance since I am deaf and cannot interact with other people well. I could have left the Catholic Church easily. God used my hunger to draw me to the Catholic Church. I want to thank God for making me deaf so that I found it easier to find God. Through my deafness, God broke my life and found me. I could relate myself to the disciples in Emmaus where they could not recognize Jesus until He explained the scriptures and finally broke the Bread. Really amazing. Although I suffered a lot, I was still happy because through sufferings, I relied on God all the time. Like the Lord Jesus said to St Paul when he was afraid to speak to Jews, "My grace is all you need. For My power is greatest when you are weak." (2 Cor 12:9) St Teresa of Avila said, "The saints rejoiced at injuries and persecutions because in forgiving them, they had something to offer to God when they prayed."

The reason I came to this retreat is that I wanted to know the Holy Will of God for me so that I could achieve it perfectly. If you ask me why I was even thinking of priesthood before the baptism, it was because it came to me. Not I who came to find it. At first, while I was newly active in the Catholic church, I received the advertising card about the Diocesan priesthood. I felt attracted to it because of its purpose in serving. But after a small discussion with friends, I felt it was not for me because I was not baptized yet and am deaf. So I put it away and forgot all about it. Then, one year later, it came to me again. I received the booklet about the priests' testimonies in priesthood. My interest was kindled again after reading it. This time, I became serious about it because I was very sensitive to my passions in my heart if they were from God. So I asked God if He wanted me to become the priest for Him, He must show me the sign as proof to confirm it. While still praying about it, I started to learn sign language for the final year project in Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. When I was young, my primary school and parents did not allow me to use sign language and forced me to speak because they wanted me to mix with the world. It was very difficult for me because I did not have enough practice to speak and had very little training. Back then, English was the only accent taught in the Canossian School for the hearing impaired. Anyway, I was learning sign language for three months when I met my two interpreters. They brought me to the Singapore Catholic Deaf Community where I found my true calling. Over there, a deaf senior woman came to me and signed, "Young man, we had a very good hearing priest but unfortunately, he was old and sick, already down with diabetes. He was our spiritual director and is now staying in Canada. And the president of the deaf community is the potential candidate but he cannot become the priest because he is married. Both are hoping and looking for a deaf man to become a priest to serve our deaf world." I was astonished to the extent that my heart kept stirring up.

Father William Goh's session assured me that my intention for the priesthood was proper and correct because I intended to sacrifice my life for God as the purpose of my choice in priesthood. Priesthood is the gift to all mankind and is not meant for the selfish purpose. He taught that the priesthood is really mysterious because we are not worthy since we are sinners yet we can become priests through God's grace. It is not that priests themselves are qualified just because they are holy. It's God's grace given to them. We were not in the retreat by chance and coincidence. It's that God chose us. Father Alex's session taught me that God loves us so much that He chose us. Take Saint Peter for example, as he said. Even though Saint Peter was violent, loud-mouthed and low educated, Jesus chose him as the Rock of the Catholic Church. Why is it so since he was such a terrible candidate? It is because God loves him so much. Father William said that we do not need to be talented, smart, powerful, famous and strong to become priests except the holiness which is the effect of the Church. Pope John Paul II said that the baptised are called to holiness. What surprised me is that Father William taught that we can grow holy through ministries serving the people. I thought we only grow holy in prayer and mediating on the Word of God. He taught that holiness is to be one with yourself, God and other people. It is not a very difficult life. Actually, it makes life easier. He taught that we must continue to develop our spirituality and deepen our prayer life. We must love God with all our heart, mind and strength and pray for the gift of vocation. Father Alex taught that we must be honest in our discernment process. Otherwise, we cannot find our true vocation. My passion was heightened afterwards. I wanted to start journeying with my spiritual director to confirm my calling soon. Actually, I was very keen in the Jesuits because of their very deep spiritual life. I believe that once we know our deepest desire of our hearts, then we will know our true calling and true vocation from God. God is also present in the deepest place of our hearts. Jesuits are well known for their spirituality, strict lifestyle and intellect. But I felt drawn to Diocesan priesthood more because of my desire to serve people, especially deaf people and bringing them to God was stronger rather than focusing on my own developments. I see the priesthood as the true love of God because through sacraments, we get connected to God and join in Holy Communion with Him. Without priests, there would not be the Catholic Church today. Holiness is the fruit of love. I remembered Archbishop Nicholas Chia's teaching when he wrote the book, "Journey through RCIA". He taught that we have three great virtues: Faith, Hope and Love. Love is the greatest among three virtues because Faith gives way to eternal life and Hope gives way to the Vision of what we believe. But Love keeps growing forever and ever. There is no end of Love. It was really a wise teaching of Archbishop Nicholas Chia.

What had a deep impact on me? It's the Hourly Adoration of the Most Blessed Sacrament in the chapel. I always love adoring the Blessed Sacrament because through faith I can see the Lord Jesus in it. My heart was stirring up excitedly when He asked us whether we really loved Him and then asked us to feed His sheep. It was really a great honor we received because St Therese of Lisieux said, "The greatest honor God can do a soul is not to give it much but to ask much of it." Jesus asked me, "Michael, do you love Me? Will you feed My sheep?" And He told me, "You're my wonderful child. I made you special so you can reach out to so many more people whom other priests cannot reach out to. You are wonderfully made. The road ahead of you will not be easy because you are destined for greater tasks than anyone here in this room. You will be their light in time to come." I felt like my heart was bursting out in an explosion and I cried like a crybaby. Another thing that had a deep impact on me was the video: "Fishers of men". What captured my attention was the story of how a priest inspired a young boy to become a priest. This is the holiness, the effect of the Church as Father William taught. Father William also taught that people only believe in what we do. Not what we say. If we want to change, we must change our lives. As we change our lives, we will change other people too. And the dying man whom the priest blessed, challenged my thoughts. There are many people who need priests in the world. What if they die suddenly and there is no priest around to deliver them to Heaven? What if they die without knowing God? Like Father William's situation when he was a young priest. He thought many people knew how to pray but in fact they did not know. So he taught them how to pray. As a result, they grew in their relationship with God. It kept ringing out to me because I knew many many many deaf people who do not know how to connect to God since they have very little guidance. It applies to other unfortunate people too. Saint Felix Rougier said, "The thermometer of faith depends on the number of the religious people and priests."

After the retreat, I knew where I am going. But I first want to obey the Catholic church by living my Catholic faith for three years as a Catholic neophyte in order to fulfill Canon Law's requirements. If I do not obey it, how can I obey God, Pope Benedict XVI, Archbishop Nicholas Chia and the senior priests? Even though it will be harder for me to become a priest, I still want to be a priest. Even if it costs my life, I still want to become a priest because I am already dead to myself and fully alive in the Lord Jesus Christ. So my life all belongs to God alone. I will certainly make a lot of efforts to learn how to speak for the sake of Christ. Then, I will be able to serve all kinds of people and bring them to the Lord Jesus Christ, our true God, our true King and our true Saviour.

Now, my only wish is that the Lord Jesus takes control of all my life and uses me for whatever He wants and teaches me how to become the Saint. Then, I will be able to produce fruits in Jesus, giving glory to our Abba Father. Everyone in the world will know how much I love the Lord Jesus.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, please look at the Tabernacle and applause to Lord Jesus for He deserves all our praise, honor, glory and reverence. Thank you for listening to my story.

Best regards and God bless,

Michael Gabriel Raphael Goo, OLPS

Surprise Party

2011-05-16T15:36:00.000+08:00

“Do you trust me?”

This seems to be the question God continues to ask me throughout my vocation discernment journey.

If you’ve ever planned a surprise party for someone, especially someone truly important and special to you, you know you would create the best possible plan ever and make the most amazing party arrangements just to give that person the time of his life. And once you’ve prepared everything, just before you lead that special someone to your surprise party, you would blindfold him, and whisper into his ear, “Do you trust me?”

God did that to me 4 years ago. That was a time when I had a secure and promising career in a top accounting firm, and was blessed with a beautiful, Christ-loving girlfriend who was everything I ever wanted in a lifetime partner for marriage. I thought I had everything I could ever ask for. But God knew better. With a grin on His face, He blindfolded me and prompted me to attend my first Diocesan Vocation Retreat. Initially, I was apprehensive, especially when I couldn’t see what was ahead of me. Then God whispered into my ear, “Do you trust me?”

During the retreat, God then lifted up my blindfold a little, and gave me a sneak preview of what was ahead of me. As I learnt more about the priesthood, my eyes were opened to a whole new way of life, one where I was actually attracted and inspired to boldly lay down my life not just for my spouse, but for the entire Church! Of course, under the blindfold, I was also crying profusely at the thought of having to leave and disappoint my girlfriend then. But God whispered into my ear, “Do you trust me?”

4 years later, I can now share this testimony only because I answered, “Yes!” And I’m here to tell you, that God’s vocation for me has so far been the most amazing surprise party of my life! Throughout my party, one pleasant surprise after another keeps coming up, and the Party Planner, God Himself, has shown that He can never be outdone in faithfulness, generosity, and surprises!

Firstly, every struggle, pain, obstacle and worry that I had to deal with in responding to my call, was taken care of one after another over time. My ex-girlfriend was blessed with another God-loving man; my family has been well taken care of; and my resentment and jealousy towards couples have been healed. All of them now join me in my party with their full support and blessing, and that has meant the world to me.

Secondly, never did I imagine how much closer I could get in my relationship with God. The more I trusted Him, the more the Lord revealed Himself to me in ways so personal and deep that it has brought me tears of joy many times. Through this relationship, I no longer need to see what is ahead of me with my eyes, but have learnt to let the Lord take me by the hand, and simply see the Lord’s providence, goodness and love with my heart, trusting Him to lead me every step of the way to the greater things that lie ahead of me.

Thirdly, I have met so many people whom God has brought into my party, and have witnessed and been affirmed of how the Lord has been using me to make such a deep impact in their lives that I am just astounded and filled with so much joy when I see these people filled with the same joy and love that I have experienced from the Lord!

Our God-given vocation in life is not something to be fearful of. Whether priesthood, religious life, marriage, or single life, all these vocations are meant to be a party! - a celebration of God’s love for us! But it is not just a celebration for us alone. Our vocation also affects the lives of many out there whom God has brought into our surprise party, people waiting for us to answer our call and appear at our own surprise party, so that they too can receive blessings and love and joy from God through the living out of our own vocation. Our one choice whether to trust in the Lord’s plan for us, can determine a lifelong celebration for thousands, including ourselves, or turn us into a party pooper, and leave many disappointed and deprived of a celebration.

Today, I pray for those of you who have yet to find your vocation in life, or may already have some promptings but are still fearful of proceeding blindfolded. Be assured that God has already made all the necessary and awesome preparations for your surprise party. On top of that, He has brought in all the necessary people who shall support you in your journey, as well as all the people whom He wishes to bless through you. God is not asking you to jump off a cliff blindfolded. He only asks that you trust Him one small step at a time. All you need to do, to enter into the biggest party of your life, is let the Lord blindfold you and take you by the hand, and respond positively to Him when He whispers into your ear, “My Beloved, do you trust me?”

If only we understood...

2011-04-22T16:43:00.003+08:00

Every Maundy Thursday, The Chruch of St Anthony of Padua (Woodlands) will always hold the Passover Sedar meal of the Lord. This year is no exception. And definately, I was there as well.

Being early, I 'floated' around looking for the best place to sit, view and enjoy the narration of the supper. Somehow, the Lord did not permit me to just sit anywhere but he had reserved a special place for me. I ended up at the place of honour at the table. The place to the left of Jesus......

It was a place, not only of honour, but held great meaning. Not only was I next to the master of the banquet, I was also in the place of Judas Iscariot, the one who was to betray him. I was having mixed emotions... I knew the Lord has a revealation for me... I just had to wait for it...

It was only when the supper was almost over that Jesus (Fr Terence), explained that Judas was forgiven the moment when he dipped into the same dish with Jesus, when Jesus handed him the bread. There was no doubt to him about it. Was this the reason that his guilt became too great for him to bear and that is why he hung himself?

I was reflecting on this event and how I ended up in the seat of honour. There are many times that I felt like Judas, because of my many shortcomings and struggle with sin. There are so many people out there who are more worthy than me yet I am being called to the Seminary.

What did Jesus see in me that deem me worthy to be where I am now? I thought and pondered and reflected... and I cannot come up with any decent convincing answer.... except one... If he loves me enough to die for me, isn't that enough?

... if only we understood ...

I want to be....

2011-04-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

There once was a stone cutter, who complained to God daily about his pitiful state. God finally got tired of it. "Tell you what. I will give you a chance to become whatever you feel is better than your pitiful state." said God.

The stone cutter is envious of the Merchant who buys his stones at a low price and yet sell them off at such a handsome profit. The stone cutter is tired of being exploited.

"I want to be the Merchant!" POOF! The newly changed Merchant shout in glee! Unfortunately, his transformation falls on taxation day. He has to pay the King almost forty percent of his profit. The newly- changed merchant became indignant. He did not like feeling small.

"I want to be the King!" POOF! The newly changed King is so happy that he went in to his beautiful palace garden to relax. The sun rays keep shining down on him and prevented him from falling asleep. The newly changed King became irrationally angry at the sun who stood high in the sky looking down on him. He did not like being looked down on.

"I want to be the sun!" POOF! The newly changed sun shined with all his might and take great joy in looking down on all creation. Suddenly, great clouds came and blocked his sight of the earth. try as his might, he cannot shine thru the thick clouds. He was fiery pissed at the notion that he can be ignored. He did not like being ignored.

"I want to be the cloud!" POOF! The newly changed cloud blocked out the sun and covered the earth in shade the whole day. Just when the cloud thinks that he can covered everything, he noticed something pointy sticking out of him. It is the mountain. The cloud cannot covered the whole of the gigantic mountain. He did not like to be thwarted by the mountain.

"I want to be the mountain!" POOF! The newly changed mountain sits smugly on earth, knowing that nothing can move him...

"CHIP! CHIP! CHIP!" The mountain wondered at the noise, and to his horror, it is a stone cutter carving out huge slabs of stone from the mountain core. "I want to be the stone cutter!" POOF! The stone cutter returned to his original form and complained no more after that.

This story is heard from the Conversion Experience Retreat recently. We always go one big round, wishing that we are somebody else. We fell into the trap of envy. We lament about the little gift we have and at times we wish that we can be like someone else. It is only when we realise who we truly are, we see the worth of ourselves in God's eyes!

Here in Kampung Punggol, whever a brother has a special talent, we remind ourselves constantly that it is a gift from God. The special talent may lead the brother to teach the rest of the community to learn new things. We praise God for him. This is a constant reminder for ourselves as we need to be on guard towards these negative emotions. We must not be a slave to envy, for it will eat us from inside out. Let us examine our lives and see where we have allowed envy to seep in. Lift them up to the Lord, for He loves us and He will surely grant us the grace to overcome it.

The life of the body is a tranqil heart, but envy is a cancer in the bones. Proverbs 14:30

New Life - Easter comes early

2011-04-04T10:44:00.001+08:00

Update from my previous blog entry about the birds building the nest on my balcony. The nest was built pretty fast in about 4 days, after which the birds seemed to disappear, until one day I saw a familiar beak sticking out of the nest.

Laying/Incubating the Eggs

I knew that the eggs had hatched when one morning, I didn't see the mother bird in the nest. So I took a closer look and saw the beak of the chick sticking out.

Closeup of the Nest

And sure enough, during the day I see the two parent birds flying to the nest, I hear the hungry chirps of the chicks as they bring them food.

Father Feeding the Chicks

Mother Feeding the Chicks

Closeup of the Mother

Closeup of the Father

Off to find more food

The two parents fly back and forth the whole day to find and bring food back to feed their chicks.

This is where I have to stand to take the photos.

One thing this has taught me is patience. As the opening of the nest is facing out of my balcony, I have to take the photos from the window in the bathroom. And as the hungry chicks devour the food their parents bring them, each stopover lasts less than 10 seconds. So I have to stand on the chair in the bathroom, holding my hand up with the camera sticking out of the window, patiently waiting for the parent bird to fly in. As I can't look out the window, I have to rely on the chirping of the chicks to tell me when the parent bird is there. And if I'm too slow, it is another 5-10 minutes of waiting before the next feed. So I stand there praying that the birds will be able to find food quickly.

We come from many places....

2011-04-03T20:28:00.000+08:00

"We come from many places. All across the Land. Of many different Races. Together hand in hand. United we stand. Divided we fall. Ready to serve our nation's call...."

Suddenly the familiar army song came into mind on a saturday night. This is rather apt to describle the family here. Men from different backgrounds and races come together under a nation of God's people. These men come together to stay and live in a community. The big difference between the Kampung Punggol and the army is the freedom of choice. Once that choice is made, God provides the grace that it needed. What stays true for both Kampung Punggol and the Army is that unity is of paramount importance to both of them. This posting is to celebrate that grace given to us here at Kampung Punggol!

That sense of belonging is strengthened especially after we all attended the Conversion Experience Retreat (CER) in the Catholic Spiritual Centre. We realise our own brokenness. We realise that despite of own brokenness, we are beloved children of a loving God, our heavenly Father. And that binds us. We are not perfect. None of us are. It is only because of that love from Him, that we can be able to love each another much much more. I am very thankful that the community have transformed over the years. The Community has reached to its current level of love and maturity due to the hardwork of those come before me. Praise God for them, the true lovers of God!!

We heard in the retreat, which most of us here at Kampung Punggol attended as shown in the topmost picture, that favortism can drive a wedge into a community or family. Favortism can cause envy, gossiping and especially resentment. That is why those anointed with authority or seniority within the community take great pains to ensure no favortism is practised. Brothers are very careful not to tease each other by referring as some other brother's favourite. Indeed, I tell you that if I have heard even a brother to say that I am a favourite of some other brother, it will have hurt me. There will be discord sown or even promote jealousy from such an insensitive teasing. Spiteful remarks like special treatment from a certain brother or even the blue-eye boy of the rector can possibly cause many to fall from grace. We are all unique and thus relate to each other differently. We know that we may feel closer to certain brothers, but we must love all.

It is for us who are strong to bear with the susceptibilities of the weaker ones, and not please ourselves. Each of us must consider his neighbour's good, so that we support one another.

Indeed, that is what Saint Paul said to the Romans in the first two verses of chapter 15. We must support each other and keep in mind of the inherent human weakness in each of us. We have to be careful not to cause each other to fall into the capital sin of envy and pride. We are proud to live under four impartial formator Fathers, who tried their best to keep favortism out of practice. Some of you may laugh at the notion of adults behaving like children fighting for attention. However, the green-eye monster has no preferences for any age group. We can often see that in church ministries, workplaces and especially in our own homes.

Let us each stop passing judgement, therefore, on one another and decide instead that none of us will place obstacles in any brother's way, or anything that can bring him down.

This verse 13 comes from the letter of St Paul to the Romans in chapter 14. I have learnt a lot from my older brothers. They have tried their best to place judgement aside and focused on love. Some of those anointed with responsibilites and authority more often or so encourage the rest of us with thanksgiving and affirmation. I am writing all these not to paint an absolute rosy picture of the community, but to share with you on the love I have experienced here. This community is growing in love and maturity each day. We have our moments of weakness, but we remind ourselves constantly of this:

Do not let resentment lead you into sin; the sunset must not find you still angry. Or else you will give the devil a foothold. Eph 4:26-27

We may get angry with each other due to misunderstandings, but we must not allow the devil to get a foothold to our soul because of that anger. Much humility is required to resolve such issues. Somone ask my older brother if we fight in the seminary. My brother and I have a good laugh. The answer is an obvious no, but we do have the silent treatment in place of that physical violence. It gives us time to think and reflect. Reconciliation will then takes its place in due time. Yes, community life is like that. The important thing I have learnt from my older brothers is never to give up on each other.

So then, let us be always seeking the ways which lead to peace and the ways in which we can support each other. Rom 14:19

He doesn't have to try

2011-04-02T17:20:00.004+08:00

By Brooks Peck from Yahoo! Sports- With 27 goals in 26 La Liga matches this season, it may seem like Lionel Messi has a supernatural ability to score. And that's because he does. Seriously, it's science. Here he is warming up before Argentina's friendly against the U.S. and displaying that the cosmic field of magnetic energy he creates not only drives the ball he kicks into the net, but any other balls that might be sitting stationary between him and the goal, as well. Was he trying to hit the ball that was sitting in front of the goalkeeper with the one he actually kicked? Pshhht. He doesn't have to try. After both balls hit the back of the net and even the goalkeeper applauds his little trick, Messi just walks away, because to him that's nothing.

Now I am not a typical soccer fanatic. If you ask me which club I support, I will probably tell you that I support Arsenal and Blackburn. Those are the two clubs in which my closest buddies support. For me, watching soccer is the company that counts the most. It is not about the score line. Then again, I won’t really complain if the team I support happen to win =)

At the end of the above article by Brooks Peck, there is a comment of hailing Messi as God of football. Wow, God of football! The video footage can incur two responses. Those, who love Messi, will see it as a great skill. Those, who don’t, will view it as a mere coincidence. Is that not the view of the world today? Through the eyes of faith, we can see every simple thing as a miracle by God. And we know that He is awesome, and if I may borrow words from Brooks Peck, our God is so awesome that He doesn’t have to try.

While Messi walks away, our God does not. God continues to be with us every step of the way. Why? Maybe to Messi (according to Brooks Peck), that display of skill is nothing. Our God stays with us. Why? It is simply because we are something to Him.

And when God does something miraculous, are we not like the goalkeeper that we have to applaud even though the awesome result is against our own judgement or prediction? Think of those, who thinks nothing of Messi. They will see this shot as a mere fluke and it is just part of the warming up. The goal does not even matter at all, since it is before the actual match.

I myself fall into this trap often and become very cynical at the end of the day. I do not see Him in the simple mundane routine of my life. When a brother comes to affirm me in kampong Punggol, do I accept it as a message of love from God or merely shrugged it off or worse....credit the affirmation only to myself and not the talent God has given me? Well, unless of course it is a huge crisis in my life, I will belittle His grace in my life. His miracle does not matter at all.

Sigh, isn't it sad?

Truth be told. Messi, like the rest of us, is created in the image of God. Imagine what Messi can do on the pitch, God can do SO MUCH MORE in our lives! Think about the guy who caught the whole warming up on video, he must have been expecting something extraordinary. Imagine him sitting on the edge of his seat in the stadium and not willing to let go any of the precious moment to pass him by. Then he is rewarded with this great clip.

Can not our God do the same for us? We just have to be on edge of our seat daily and see what wonders He can bring. Best part is He doesn't have to try, but He did. He constantly try to reach out to us, and we just have to reach out. The problem is...we are not even trying.

Reach out to Him today!

Fed with Love

2011-03-12T17:34:00.002+08:00

While I may never ever have a child of my own to feed, today the Lord allowed me to experience feeding a few of the residents in St Joseph's Home, where I now visit every alternate Saturday as part of my pastoral formation. Not that I have never fed my younger brother or cousins before, but today's experience somehow fed me with a whole new perspective on feeding - it was as if I was actually the one being fed by each of these residents who taught me these valuable lessons.

The Art of Feeding
Firstly, feeding requires sensitivity and conscientiousness which I'm sure many of us have already taken for granted in this seemingly simple act. But it isn't, at least not when the one you're feeding isn't yourself. Feeding someone else actually requires you to look into so many simple, important yet often forgotten aspects.

Is the porridge or noodle too hot?
My first few attempts got me in trouble to the point that the poor lady refused to eat anymore. Then I realised I almost burnt her mouth cos' I didn't remember to check how hot the food was! From this, I learnt to place my face near the bowl to detect any heat coming out from the food, and to blow each spoonful before serving the resident if necessary. I remembered to also spread out the rest of the food in the bowl to allow it to cool faster, something I remember my parents teaching me to do when I was younger, but had plainly taken for granted at this stage of life.

Is the portion too large?
I received my next lesson from a lady who spat out all her food after my first serving. Then a nurse had to tell me this particular lady eats small portions at a time. I gave a sheepish apologetic look on my face to the nurse and the lady, and began to feed smaller portions, even if it meant taking a longer time and many more spoonfuls for her. This truly taught me patience, and to accomodate to each person's specific needs and preference.

How to scoop each spoonful?
As silly as this may sound, I had to also learn the art of scooping each spoonful, especially when it came to noodles. At first, some of my spoonfuls had too much noodles, other times, there was too little, especially when some strands would slide off the spoon immediately after I proudly thought I had scooped up the ideal portion. Then I got a little frustrated with strands of noodles hanging by the side of the spoon which I didn't know how to get rid off other than re-scooping it. It was after many frustrated attempts that I got 'enlightened' enough to cut off the dangling strands by pressing the side of the spoon against the bowl. Believe me, I felt so stupid I wanted a room there to curl myself in.

Is there food bits left on her lips or chin?
With the greater sensitivity I learnt from each resident I fed, I began to take notice even of the tiniest grain of rice or spot of gravy left on their lips or chin. I could imagine how uncomfortable that might feel for them, and immediately wiped it off the minute I caught sight of it. I knew it made a difference, for when I was just about to raise my hand to wipe off that smudge of gravy, so too did the lady synonymously raise her hand wanting to do the same. That made me more determined to make even the act of feeding as discomfort-free and pleasant for them as possible. It was the least I could do for them really.

I must say, through such a seemingly simple task, I had a very humbling experience, realising how often we take for granted of so many things in life which others have to struggle to do for themselves. This greater awareness makes me more appreciative of the simple tasks I am able to do on my own, and to be more attentive and sensitive to the particular needs of others, especially when I am called to love and serve them.

The Art of Intimacy
As I got better at feeding, just quietly sitting beside one resident and patiently feeding her spoonful after spoonful, somehow drew me into a deeper connection with her. There seemed to be this unspoken act of intimacy between us as I faithfully fed her and she faithfully trusted me enough to allow herself to be fed by me. What deepened that intimacy was the realisation that she depended on me to be fed. She not only trusted me, she NEEDED me to feed her, something she couldn't do on her own. Somehow, that made me realise what an important, life-giving role I played even if for that few minutes. And it was one of the most beautiful exchanges of love I ever felt, especially from an older person - I loved her by feeding her, she loved me in return by allowing me to feed her.

This brought me back to the time when I was a child, when I depended on my own parents to feed me. We hardly ever remember that life-giving act of our parents, that mutual exchange of love and trust, let alone feel appreciative of what they did for us. But to now feed someone who depended on me for food, I realised how we can never ever live our lives merely for ourselves, for the very fact that we exist today comes from the very fact that someone lived not for themself alone, but lived for us even by the simple act of feeding us when we were young. And from that selfless act of someone else, we rightfully and dutifully owe it to live the rest of our lives for others, if not feeding, then serving others in any way possible. From the day we were born and had to depend on others to feed us, bathe us, care for us and bring us up, we were meant to learn the very life lesson that life was not meant to be lived in isolation as if we could 'take care of ourselves', but to be lived within a family, community, and society, where those who were able and blessed, were to serve those who were unable and not so blessed.

The Art of Small Acts
After their meal times, I was pushing some residents on wheelchair back to their rooms. Then I passed by one of the residents I had only fed for the first time today. She recognised me and threw me this big, toothless grin on her face that just melted my heart and made my day. Never did I expect a small, simple act of feeding her earlier that day made such an impression on her that she remembered, and expressed her gratitude in such a similarly small, simple yet powerful way. Feeding her that day may have seemed like the simplest of things for me, but to her, it may have meant the greatest act of kindness anyone could have showed her.

With the many seemingly small and simple things we take for granted in life, we also take for granted the huge life-giving potential these small and simple acts can do for someone else. Be it a simple, ressuring touch on someone's shoulder, a smile and a nod to a stranger, a desperate attempt to spew what command of hokkien or cantonese I could put together just to strike a conversation, or even just to sit quietly beside someone and make your presence felt - all these I realised make such a huge difference to each of these residents, and also to so many people out there who crave for these small and simple acts of love, if only we take notice of such needs, and if only we take notice of how lacking we are in these small and simple acts.

Blessed Mother Teresa once said, "We can not do great things. We can only do little things with great love."

I am glad that today, the residents of St Joseph's Home fed me with the opportunity to do just that for them.

New Neighbours

2011-03-01T16:20:00.001+08:00

This weekend, I was blessed with an encounter with 2 soon-to-be parents. On Saturday afternoon, these 2 yellow birds started flying to my balcony, and entertaining me with their chirping and gymnastics on my laundry line.

I was wondering why they came repeatedly to my balcony, when I saw one of the birds bringing some sort of fibre or grass and trying to attach it to the line. Then I knew that they were trying to build a nest. But try as they might, they were not successful, the strips kept falling to the floor. Evening came, and the birds did not return.

To my joy, the birds were back on Sunday morning, when I came back to my room at 8am after breakfast. They were chirping away and still trying to build the nest. I wished I could stay in my room to enjoy their company, but we were having the Seminary Open House, so I had to go and meet the visitors and introduce the seminary to them.

Imagine my surprise when I came back to my room at lunchtime, to see that they had ingeniously used a clothes-peg on the line as an anchor, and started to build their nest around it. Looks like I will be having constant visitors and entertainment in the coming days. Praise the Lord for this wonderful blessing and encounter with His creation.

But like the story about good luck, bad luck that I wrote about once before, this weekend I suffered a small loss. I dropped my camera, during the open house. And though it didn't seem like that hard a knock, it is not able to take any more photos. Luckily, I was able to take out the last few photos I took of the birds and the nest. Now I just have to take photos with the camera on my phone, or borrow a camera from one of the brothers.

But then again, maybe not bad luck, but good luck. Maybe its a sign to get a new camera, or to detach, since lent is coming. Hmm...

One of my brother seminarians mentioned that now I can't use my laundry line to hang my clothes to dry. But I guess its a small price to pay. What's a little inconvenience compared to this gift of encountering God's creation at work. I wonder how many eggs and baby birds God will bless me with.

Praise the Lord for this wonderful blessing.

Gratitude

2011-02-22T09:40:00.006+08:00

Whenever we pray, especially in the morning or in times of difficulties, there is more often than not a realization that our day belongs to the Lord, our lives (the good, the bad and the ugly) all belongs to the Lord, and it is in this realization that we turn to the Lord and ask the essential questions, “Lord, what is your will for me?” or “Lord, I dedicate my day, my vocation to you.”

Yet, in order for us to arrive at this realization, what sometimes if not all the time we ought to do is to give thanks to the Lord first and foremost, “Thank you Lord, that I am still alive today.” For whenever we give thanks to the Lord, we acknowledge that whatever we have is first and foremost a gift from Him, in which though we are unworthy and non-deserving, yet the Lord desires to gift us with. Once we are able to acknowledge that all things (even life itself) is a gift from God and give Him thanks for it, we can let go of all that we may have thought is ours and our own doing, and turn over to God’s sovereignty and will. Once we have this metanoia, can we then truly say “Lord, what is your will for me today?”

It is only in our nothingness that we then able to acknowledge God’s totalness in us, and through us become co-cornerstones with the Chief Cornerstone Jesus Christ our Lord. A thankful person is a joy-filled person.

One Monthliversary at Church of St Anthony of Padua

2011-02-17T11:01:00.003+08:00

Exactly one month ago, I packed my things and set off for a parish in the north of Singapore. It is my fourth year in the seminary. How time flies! The good news is that I will be from formal studies in the seminary. The good news is also that this is the Regency year, where I will be sent to a parish and live the life there. This aids the discernment process. Imagine this. All of us have our preconceived notion of the life of a priest. (The most absurd is that he works on sundays and rests on the other six.... if only...) This is the year where we will taste life in the parish: live in the parish and get involved in the activities. This will allow us to see if this is the life that we want to live for the rest of our days.

I still remember the day arrive, not sure what lies ahead, just assured that the Lord will be with me. And here I am now, one month later, enjoying every day that had past.

It is also 'exciting' to be in a place which has been making the news about the implementation of a dress code for worship. Imagine the buzz that goes on here.... actually there is little.... Surprise!

I am looking forward to the next months in the parish and so, "Adios!" till my next update on my time here.

Bringing Jesus into the world

2011-01-31T11:07:00.000+08:00

"...people will always have need of God..."

"Where people no longer perceive God, life grows empty; nothing is ever enough."

"God is alive, and he needs people to serve him and bring him to others."

These were the lines that struck me as I read the opening paragraph of Pope Benedict's letter to seminarians all over the world dated 18 October 2010. We were to reflect on his letter during our seminary's recent recollection to prepare us for the new semester ahead.

Motherhood
As usual, I sauntered through the familiar seminary grounds pondering over these words, until I caught sight of a statue of Mother Mary standing pristinely near the entrance of our seminary. Slowly, it began to dawn on me that Mary would be the first person throughout history to ever show us how to bring Jesus to others, for she was the chosen one to carry Jesus in her womb, and to eventually bring Him into the world. And while Jesus was still in her womb, wherever she went, she brought Jesus to whomever she met. This we saw when Mary visited her cousin Elizabeth, whom her son John the Baptist leapt for joy in her womb the moment Mary's greeting sounded in her ears.

Although none of us will ever get the chance to carry Jesus in our wombs, at least definitely not for the guys, but each time we receive Jesus in the Eucharist, Jesus is allowing us to bring Him under our 'roof', where we become living tabernacles carrying Jesus wherever we go, bringing Him to whomever we meet. This can take place more freqently and effectively when we celebrate and participate in the Holy Eucharist more regularly and fervently, as well as when we draw closer to Jesus throught time spent with Him in prayer.

Conversely to how a child in a mother's womb depends on the life of the mother to stay alive, and even takes after the character and personality of the mother as he grows up, we instead depend on Jesus whom we carry within us to remain 'alive', and also take after His character and virtues, and even more so His image and likeness, as we grow whilst staying connected to Him. As Jesus tells us in John 15:5 - "As long as you remain in me and I in you, you bear much fruit; but apart from me you can do nothing." By allowing Jesus to remain in us, and we ourselves remaining in the love, likeness and image of Jesus within our hearts, we not only bring Jesus to others, people meet Jesus through our reflection of Him, and that's when God for them slowly begins to come alive in their hearts.

Fatherhood
In light of my occasional desire for a family of my own, I reflected on how Mary remained a virgin and gave up her human desire to bear children of her own through human means. Yet in return, she bore Christ within her through spiritual grace, and became Mother of all mankind, which more than compensates not having children of her own flesh. As Mother of the Church, she doesn't just give life to a few children, but she gives life, through Jesus, to all her spiritual children - the world.

As I look at my own surrendering of my human fatherhood through a life of celibacy, I find consolation and even great joy in the spiritual fatherhood I may possibly be given in return, to father over my spiritual children who form the Church. I may not give life to a few children of my own flesh and blood, but I may one day be giving life to my spiritual children in numbers more than I can ever imagine myself having in a lifetime. When that day comes, not only will I be bringing Jesus to others through the way I live my life leading towards the image and likeness of Christ, I will also be the one bringing Jesus in the Eucharist to them, so that they too can carry Jesus under their 'roof', and bring Him into the world.

Why The World Doesn't Need Superman

2010-12-09T09:08:00.000+08:00

(I recently happened to catch a re-run of the movie 'Superman Returns' on Channel 5 last Mon - I say 'happened' cos' I was supposed to have a dinner appointment that evening which got cancelled last minute, leaving me at home with nothing else to do. But you know how things don't just 'happen' with God around, and somehow that evening, my super-senses prompted me that He WANTED me to watch the movie again...)

"Why The World Doesn't Need Superman"

...is the title of Lois Lane's editorial that won her a Pulitzer Prize in the movie. She probably wrote it as a response to Superman's sudden disappearance, literally from the face of the earth, for more than 5 years, leaving the rest of the world staring into the sky waiting, hoping and praying for his return. She probably wrote it as a defiant act of denial so that the rest of the world, but more so that she, could deal with the disappointment of his disappearance and move on in life. My next guess is that she probably wrote it, because deep down inside, she wished that the world wouldn't need Superman so that she could have the man she once and maybe still loved so deeply all to herself.

Since my decision to leave, not the face of the earth, but my girlfriend, and all my dreams and ideals of marriage, in order to enter the seminary as a response to God's apparent call to the priesthood, I have not been spared of moments from time to time where I try to write my own editorial in my mind with a similar title: 'Why the World Doesn't Need Me'. As my own defiant act of denial, I would often wish to remain just an ordinary citizen, to be with the girl I once (and maybe still) loved with all my heart, and just spend the rest of my years flying her across the seas and bringing her to the moon and back. I would try to find excuses for myself, proclaiming that there were plenty of men out there more worthy than I was to be His priest.

Superman (to Lois Lane): "You wrote that the world doesn't need a saviour, but I hear them crying for one everyday."

Yet no matter how hard I try to convince myself the world doesn't need me, I can't help hearing their cries for help, can't help seeing the rest of the world staring into the skies waiting, hoping and praying for relief from their miserable, painful, unbearable situations in life. Everytime God sends someone in need into my path, something within me just automatically responds by reaching out to the person, and trying my best to journey with and help the person through whatever difficulty he or she is facing. Everytime God does something incredible through me for someone else, in ways that I could never imagine myself doing without His help, I would be totally in awe and affirmed of the life God is calling me to. Somehow, though my love for my once true love was strong, my love for the world seems to be growing stronger each day that I can't possibly bring myself to throw all that away just for my own selfish desires.

Lex Luthor: "Gods are selfish beings who fly around in little red capes and don't share their power with mankind. No, I don't want to be a God. I just want to bring fire to the people. And I want my cut."

If Superman was really selfish, he would be using his given power for his own selfish reasons and purposes. (I know what many guys would do with X-ray vision.) Instead, he used his power for the good of mankind, to help those who were less fortunate. Contrary to what Lex Luthor exclaims, Superman did more than share his power with mankind. He shared his very life to the world. Deep down I am sure he wanted to spend all his days flying Lois across seas and bringing her to the moon and back. But instead, he made the more difficult decision to stay true to his greater calling and purpose, to give up a life he could have spent with Lois, and to give up his life for the world that needed him.

In the same way, I have come to realise and accept that all the gifts and blessings I have received in my life were not earned by my own efforts, nor were they just for my own selfish gain. They were God-given gifts freely given to me to be used in service for His people. I would be the selfish one if I were to keep all these gifts to myself, and fly around in my little red cape and living the life I want, without any care to share these gifts with the world.

Yet, I have often asked myself why can't I still share my gifts with the world while still being in love with the love of my life? And that's where the movie struck a chord, when I realised how easily Superman could have just decided to kick Lois' fiance out of her life, to be the man both of them would have wanted, and maybe compromise by giving half his time to saving the world, and the other half to Lois and her son. But, he didn't. And I suppose he realised something that I am slowly trying to accept - that the world doesn't need Superman just half of the time, or most of the time, but all of the time. And Superman will never be the person the world needs if he were to dedicate a part of his life to Lois.

God is not asking me just to share my gifts and talents. He is asking me to share and give ALL of my life to Him, in the purpose that He created me for, in my case and in the case of Superman - to live in service not just to someone, but to the entire world.

Superman (to Jason asleep in his bed): "You will be different, sometimes you'll feel like an outcast, but you'll never be alone. You will make my strength your own. You will see my life through your eyes, as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father and the father becomes the son."

Yet despite all the good I see God doing in me and through me, I do often feel left out at times, when couples enjoy the romance of courtship I once used to enjoy, when fellow peers get to have the dream wedding I once wished to have, when couples express their love and commitment towards each other in ways I once aspired to work towards. These often become difficult times for me to endure and face, until I slowly learnt to turn to my Father in heaven, to make His strength my own, to see my life through His eyes. I recall how I am not alone each time I think of the terrible ordeal Jesus went through too as a persecuted, ridiculed, scourged and finally cruxified outcast. And though Jesus Himself wished His cup be taken away from Him, he eventually submitted Himself to the will of the Father. And these words of His continue to strengthen me in my daily battle: "...the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all he does. Yes, and he will show him even greater works than these, so that you will be amazed." (John 5:19-20)

~~~~~

"Why the World Doesn't Need Jesus"

...is the title of the editorial many people in the world write in their heads. Some write it probably as a response to the daily suffering they witness in the world today, so that they can deal with the disappointment of the apparent disappearance of God in the world and move on in life. Some write it as a defiant act of denial, thinking that they are better off without a God that seems to want to control their lives. Some write it probably because they want to have their lives all to themself, without having to submit it to Christ and to do His will - which can often seem demanding, difficult and full of suffering.

Yet, no matter what millions write in their heads, the fact is that a different editorial has already been written in the hearts of all of us even before we were born. This editorial expresses our very nature made in the image and likeness of God. This editorial speaks of our deep yearning and desire to be one with our Creator, to receive the very nature of love that we were made of, made from the very nature of the Holy Trinity. In each of our hearts, conscious or unconscious, we are crying out each and every day for the Return of Jesus our Saviour deep in our hearts. And it is this desperate desire for Christ in our hearts that leave us empty, unfulfilled, restless, unsatisfied in the long-run no matter how many achievements we try to obtain, how many material goods we try to possess, how many successes we try to clamour after.

Our world is in need of Jesus, whether we like it or not. Yet, it is only when we acknowledge our need for Jesus in our life, will we then discover the powers that were already given to us before we were born that allow us to share in the glory and joy of Christ. And once we see the power of Jesus working in our lives, will we then discover our greater calling of sharing this power with the rest of the world. And once we begin to be aware of the cries for help of the world today, will we then realise our call to be the Jesus that the world needs today.

The world needs us to be Jesus to all in whatever capacity God has called and prepared us for - priest, religious, married couple, single - it is up to us to return to the Father, so that we may allow the Father to return to our hearts, and help us rediscover our greater purpose and calling, not just to serve our own needs, for also for the needs of the world.

May this season of Advent be a time we can be more conscious of the world today looking up in the sky for the saviour in us to respond to the world's needs and cries for help, so that we may be more motivated to open our hearts to the Lord, and anticipate with eagerness, hope and joy for the upcoming...

'JESUS RETURNS'

Life Beyond Life

2010-11-02T22:04:00.010+08:00

Welcome to the last day of what I call the "Triduum of the Dead." That was what happened the past three days. On Sunday night, the secular world partied with the dead among the living – it was Halloween. Yesterday, the Church celebrated the Solemnity of All Saints – where we rejoice with our brothers and sisters who are already in heaven. And today, the Church commemorates all the faithful departed who are still undergoing purification – commonly known as All Souls’ Day. Of course, my reflection here concerns only All Saints and All Souls.

It is interesting to note that the Church places these two celebrations side by side. What we celebrated on All Saints’ Day is actually the future of those souls whom we remembered on All Souls’ Day, since we believe that the souls of those undergoing purification in purgatory will eventually end up as saints in heaven. Here’s the official teaching of the Church: “All who die in God's grace and friendship, but still imperfectly purified, are indeed assured of their eternal salvation; but after death they undergo purification, so as to achieve the holiness necessary to enter the joy of heaven.” [CCC 1030]

So why do we pray for the faithful departed? To ensure their entry into heaven? No, because as mentioned, their salvation is already assured. To ‘shorten’ their stay in purgatory? Possibly, but who are we to determine their readiness to enter heaven? And who are we to bargain with God on their length of stay in purgatory? Anyway, strictly speaking, none of us sinners can claim that we qualify for entry into the perfect and spotless Kingdom, as the Psalmist says: “If you, O Lord, should mark our guilt; Lord, who would survive?” [Ps 130:3] The fact that anyone is allowed a period of purification in purgatory is purely due to the grace and mercy of God. So who is to complain?

Therefore, when we pray for the souls who have gone before us, we're just like the spectators of a race cheering for the runners and reminding them that their final destination is just around e corner. We’re here to remind them of the abundant love of God for them and His eagerness to welcome them into His Kingdom.

While we're busy cheering for them, let us not forget that we too are running our own race – our journey on earth. And the beauty is that, just as we cheer for the souls in purgatory, the saints in heaven are cheering for us at the same time. These saints are the “many witnesses in a great cloud all around us,” as mentioned in the Letter to the Hebrews. Indeed, they are the witnesses of true faith and examples of faithfulness in the Lord. And just as we, in our prayers, urge the faithful departed to let go of all their earthly attachments in order to embrace God completely, these saints too are encouraging us to be free of all sins and everything that prevents us from running this race of earthly life.

“With so many witnesses in a great cloud all around us, we too, then, should throw off everything that weighs us down and the sin that clings so closely, and with perseverance keep running in the race which lies ahead of us.”
[Heb 12:1]

This is the beauty and the dynamics of the Communion of Saints where all of us “who are pilgrims on earth, the dead who are being purified, and the blessed in heaven, all together forming one Church” [CCC 962] continue to encourage, love and pray for one another. How privileged we are to be part of this living Church of Christ!

Walking in the Dark

2010-10-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

I thanked God for the cool night - but not so much for the mosquitoes though...

As with every other night, I made the sign of the cross, and began walking around the seminary grounds, under the few twinkling stars that dipped the clear night sky. I then started to think of the few friends whom I recently conversed with or heard about - one just went through a painful break-up, another faced family problems, some others were going through a faith crisis, and a religious sister was stricken with cancer - and she didn't tell many of us about it.

Many questions swarmed my mind. The break-up reminded me of my own, and I shuddered as I relived my own pain from my own break-up some years back. Why play the cruel joke of giving us a whiff and taste of the sweetness and possibility of love only to snatch it away from our hands? - in those moments it would even have seemed we were better off without that whiff in the first place. Then family problems - how could one's sister be so insensitive to the family, and only care for her own needs and wants? Faith crisis? I'm not surprised. Look at the world, God. What a mess. Is it at all surprising so many people ask 'where is God?' And finally, the religious sister, who used to give so much of her time, presence and love to us. Why strike her with such a cruel condition at such a young age? Isn't there so much more she could still be doing in a world that's already in such a bad shape? And did it even leave her wanting to shut herself from the rest of us instead of getting all of us to pray for her? But then another thought quickly came to mind. I somehow sensed that she could be silently offering this suffering to God on behalf of the rest of the world, including us - what my spiritual Father calls 'Redemptive Suffering', with the same faith and trust as Blessed Chiara Badano, a member of the Focolare movement whose recent beautification at the young age of 19(!) I just read about in the CatholicNews awhile ago:

Chiara was diagnosed with bone cancer at the age of 17. Yet, she bore the news well, and offered up her sufferings, saying: “If you want it, Jesus, I want it too.” She endured much pain during countless tests and intensive treatment. When a tumour took away her ability to walk, she merely said: “Young people are the future. I can no longer run, but I want to pass the torch on to them like in the Olympics.”

Chiara continued to live the Gospel every day, and her faith in God gave her the peace and courage to cope with her illness. The people who surrounded her were awed by her serenity, and, despite the severe pain, her smile. She sought to console them instead, and prepared them for her departure. She saw her suffering as God asking more of her, and waited for the day she would meet Jesus.

At that point, I stopped in my tracks, looked up into the skies, and teared as I silently offered up my own personal suffering to God - the sacrifice of cutting off from the people I love, the residual pain of surrendering my past wants, the constant reminder of what I once had that I had to give up still lingering in my heart. I then asked Him to grant me and all my friends the strength and grace to accept these sufferings, to increase our love for Him and His people, and the patience and perseverance to run the race to the finishing line, according to the plan that He perfectly chose for each of us, for our good and the good of all His children...

With these intentions, I began my rosary.

The first... joyful... myster-... JOYFUL?! Why joyful?? Of all the days I happened to choose a Monday to offer up prayer intentions for people who are suffering. Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to reflect on the Sorrowful Mysteries to find some meaning or reason for our suffering? But no... I'm supposed to contemplate on the JOYFUL mystery? How joyful can one's suffering be?! My human emotional reaction pushed my faith aside and barged its way out of my mind (indeed I was). But I quickly humbly shoved it back into my head before beginning with the first JOYFUL mystery.

The Annunciation

As I contemplated on how Angel Gabriel announced to Mary of God's plan for her, I realised that it may have seemed like exciting, billboard-huge, JOYFUL news to be told that she was to carry the child of Jesus in her womb, and she would be part of God's mega-plan to bring salvation into the world! But then, I also realised of the suffering Mary must've also foresaw as a result of such 'joyful' news - the possibility of being stoned, the unkind names people might throw at her for being an unwed mother, her possibly unbelieving would-be husband. Yet, she still chose to say "yes", to accept God's plan for her, along with all the suffering that may follow, with faith and trust.

Can I accept the 'annunciation' of my suffering with the same faith and trust, saying "yes" to God's ultimate plan for me despite the current trials that His plan seems to include (and hope it's not just a loophole in His plan)?

The Visitation

The image of Elizabeth came to mind, and the miracle of her pregnancy at an age where she should've been barren. The words followed in my head: "Nothing is impossible for God."

Can I trust that amidst seemingly barren circumstances, where all tears have been exhausted and no hope seems to be in sight, can I still believe that nothing is impossible for God, that His goodness and promises will eventually prevail?

The Birth of Jesus

Jesus suffered even from the time of his birth, being born on a prickly haystack, surrounded by the fine stench of farm animals. But in return, He received Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh - to remind Jesus of His identity as King of God's new eternal kingdom, His role as Priest to bring comfort, healing and God's message of love and truth to His people, and finally His mission to suffer and Die for our sins so that we may receive salvation.

Can we, in the midst of prickly and stinking situations, still recall and accept our identity as precious children of God, heirs to His heavenly kingdom, our role as priests (common or ministerial) to be witnesses of faith and love to others when we persevere in our suffering and inspire others to do the same, and our mission to suffer and 'die' to our comforts, desires and will, in order to carry out God's plan of salvation and share in the glory of Jesus' resurrection when the time comes? Can we also accept God's many other gifts, including the gift of faith, hope, and love, to sustain us through our ordeal and keep us close to Him?

The Presentation

By consecrating their son Jesus to the Lord at the temple, Mary and Joseph chose to offer up to God all that He has given, with no thought of 'possessing' and claiming ownership over their son, recognising that everything is a pure gift from God.

Can we too consecrate our lives to God, recognising that we have no rightful claim, ownership or control over everything God has placed in our lives, and realising that only when we submit our lives and will to God, can His perfect plan for us be fulfilled in our lives where true peace, love, joy and fulfilment will indeed be given to us at the appropriate time?

Finally, the Finding of Jesus at the Temple

For this last mystery, I was prompted to close my eyes, and recall how Mary and Joseph must have been worried sick while they were anxiously looking for their son, uncertain and 'blind' to his whereabouts and having to count on patience, hope, and gruelling hours of waiting and searching until they found their son. This reminded me of how in the midst of our suffering, we too find ourselves trapped in total darkness, uncertain of the future ahead of us, unknowing of where to go from here, frustrated over having no clear direction as to where all this suffering is leading us to?

As I continued my rosary walk, contemplating on this last mystery, and prompted to keep my eyes closed while walking in order to enter into the 'darkness' of our suffering, I began to notice my steps slowing down, my awareness of my surrounding increased, and my senses sharpened as I tried to feel my way ahead with my feet to ensure I didn't fall into a drain or crash into a tree. Sure enough, while I was mid-way through my last decade of the rosary, my slipper touched the curb in time for me to freeze immediately. As I slowly opened my eyes, I realised that if I hadn't stopped in time, I would've been on my way to falling into a drain!

That was when I realised what suffering does for us. In life, we often get so busy and caught up with life, clammering for what we desire, that we fail to slow down, fail to be aware of what God truly wills for us. Suffering does that for us. It gives us a much-needed opportunity to slow down, and hopefully after we get tired of ranting and raving and getting angry with God, we may eventually decide to rest in Him, another much-needed opportunity that we rarely make time for. And once we slow down, our awareness of God in our surrounding and in our hearts increase along with our senses that begin to sharpen as we gradually begin to sense God's comfort in the small things - a comforting word from a friend, an encouraging email that 'happened' to be sent to you, or even an out-of-the blue kid that smiles at you, things which you normally don't realise in the hustle and bustle of life. And that is when we begin to slowly become more conscious and aware of God's love and faithfulness towards us, and begin to desire to grow in our relationship with God, and trust in His ways.

Sometimes, God is afraid (and even knows how) our fast-paced, spiritually-starved lives may one day drive us not just into a curb or a drain but even off a cliff if we are not careful. Out of His love, as much as it must hurt Him more than it hurts us, He allows suffering to enter our lives, to throw us into darkness and uncertainty, in order to slow us down, and 'force' us to increase our awareness and sharpen our senses to His abounding and faithful love, so that we may not only stop ourselves from hitting the curb, but more importantly begin to be more aware of His love, trust in His ways, and walk with Him hopefully for the rest of our lives, towards His perfect plan for us.

As I ended my rosary with this final insight, I stood under the clear night sky, slightly different from how I first began this rosary walk, no longer harbouring disconcerting thoughts, but thankful for the JOYFUL outcome of tonight's contemplative rosary walk, and filled with a renewed sense of hope, courage, and trust, for myself and on behalf of my friends, knowing that God knows what He is doing, and He does it for our own good, out of His faithful and total love for us.

I also thanked God for the blinding darkness in our lives.

Even when we find ourselves constantly walking in the darkness of our shadows, it is Christ who has been constantly walking right behind us, shining His Eternal Light onto us to show that we are never alone.

I Don’t Wanna Grow Up!

2010-09-20T21:03:00.004+08:00

Those of my generation would probably remember the Toys’R’us jingle which used to go, “I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys’R’us kid” which used to be broadcast on the television and radio ever so frequently, especially during the Christmas season. There was always a certain magical feeling within me whenever I could make my “annual pilgrimage” to Toys’R’us during the Christmas season. It was like a magical world come alive, where a young boy could wonder away into all his fantasies with the latest gadgets and toys that surrounded him.

Well, that jingle has kind of left an impression on me and it still remains in my mind as a good reflection of the realities many of us live today. Psychologists tell us that we have to embrace the child that continues to live in each one of us and that is true in terms of the innocence and “child-likeness” each of us has within each of us. I guess it is from this child-likeness that we can even join Jesus in crying out, “Abba, Father!”.

However, I would like to reflect on another phenomenon that many of us young adult Catholics struggle from and this phenomenon is what I may call the “I don’t wanna grow up!” phenomenon. Most of us have grown up physically, intellectually and socially; we have passed out of the education system and may even hold many academic accolades; we have gone on to be in many enviable positions in society and may be able to yield great influence and respect from our peers; however, many of us remain as kids when it comes to our spiritual life and I think the worst part is that we almost feel comfortable with it. Somehow, no one or no situation in our lives has forced us to grow up spiritually and so, we have never seen any need to do so. Most of us started our spiritual regimes when we were kids and have not altered them or matured in them for most of our growing years. I guess this indifference many of us have is the main reason why we have stunted spiritual growths which have had diverse ramifications on many aspects of our Christian life, in particular our vocation journeys and life mission.

I guess part and parcel of growing up is for us to learn to take responsibility for our decisions and this is something scary but we are often forced to do it when it comes to our secular lives because life’s many demands just forces us to grow up whereas, when it comes to our spiritual lives, we are able to neglect it because there seems to be no direct consequences just yet. St Paul admonishes us rather harshly when he says, “Brothers, I could not talk to you as spiritual people, but as fleshly people, as infants in Christ. I fed you milk, not solid food, because you were unable to take it. Indeed, you are still not able, even now, for you are still of the flesh” (1 Cor 3:1-3).

It may be good for us to every now and then stop and take stock of where it is that we stand in our life journeys. When a young man or woman has started working or has established his or her career, people most often would ask, “so when are you going to settle down?”. There are stages in our lives that we are forced to enter, if not by internal conviction, then, it is often by external pressures that we move forward. Since we live in a highly secularised world today, almost nobody, sadly, not even our fellow Christians, would check on us and challenge us to mature in our spiritual lives, it may be up to us to seriously reflect on how we have matured and grown up in our spiritual lives. We need to make time to do this and this must be accompanied by sheer honesty and vulnerability with the self. If we are not experiencing the fullness of life that Christ promises us, then, it is highly likely that we could be living a “kiddish” spiritual life in a grown-ups body and it could be time to get down on your knees and to ask the Lord to guide you and to help you mature in your spiritual life. A good way forward if you are feeling helpless about what you can do about maturing in your spiritual life, then, it may be wise to seek the counsel of a matured Christian whom you know takes his spiritual growth seriously and will be willing to share with you his or her own journey in allowing the Lord to mature in this crucial dimension of being human. Do you suffer from the “I don’t wanna grow up!” phenomenon in your spiritual lives? Then it is time to do something about it!

No Pain, All Gain

2010-08-16T17:39:00.000+08:00

The roll call one July morning at Block Fourteen, where Saint Maximilian was being kept, revealed that a prisoner had escaped. Commandant Fritch’s policy in such cases was to assemble all the prisoners from the block in the yard where they would stand at attention the whole day. If, by the end of the day, the escapee had not been recovered, ten others would be chosen at random to die in his place – death by starvation.

By three o’clock the prisoner was still not found and Fritch selected his victims. One of them, Francis Gajowniczek, cried out, “My poor wife, my poor children! What will happen to my family!” At that moment another prisoner stepped up to the commandant with hat in hand. Fritch bellowed, “What does this Polish pig want?”

The reply came: “I am a Catholic priest from Poland. I would like to take his place, because he has a wife and children.”

A Witness recalls, “From astonishment, the commandant appeared unable to speak. After a moment he gave a sign with the hand. He spoke but one word: ‘Away!’ Gajowniczek received the command to return to the row he had just left. In this manner Father Maximilian took the place of the condemned man.”

From the hour that Father Kolbe descended into the starvation bunker – dark, cold underground cells of torture where human beings were left naked without any food or water to shrivel up and die in unspeakable agony – from that hour a great change came over the horrible place. Its keepers testify that the wailing and cries of suffering that earlier reverberated off the bunker’s walls were now converted into prayers and hymns. The change, in fact, was seen throughout the whole camp. Beatings were less frequent and less severe after the holy man’s sacrifice. Even Fritch himself took no more hostage – victims to die in the place of escapees.

“Never before,” said the guards, “have we seen anything like this.” When they made their morning rounds at the bunker to remove starvation – consumed corpses, they would find among the heaps of agonized, half-dead victims one who was always in prayer on his knees or standing, one who was always bright and fully conscious, one who was always peaceful and well kept. That one was Father Kolbe. “As if in ecstasy, his face was radiant. His body was spotless, and one could say that it radiated light,” an attendant reports. “I will never forget the impression this made on me.”

(excerpt from http://catholicism.org/maximilian-kolbe.html)

Last Saturday, on 14th August, in the midst of the seminary's Vocation Discernment 'Broken to Complete' Recollection, we also celebrated the memorial of St Maximilian Kolbe, a Catholic priest who volunteered to die on behalf of a fellow prisoner, who had a family to support. During one of the Recollection sessions, Fr Alex highlighted to us the amazing fact that while St Maximilian was approaching his death in a slow, painful way by starvation, an eye-witness account from one of the guards described his face to be "bright and fully-conscious, one who was always peaceful and well-kept... As if in ecstasy, his face was radiant. His body was spotless, and one could say that it radiated light." Fr Alex further shared his reflection that one of the reasons why many of the martyred saints could willingly die for Christ (such as St Lawrence, whose feast we recently celebrated, and was literally barbequed to death - and he could even joke with his torturers to flip him over while he was on his 'BBQ pit') could be that - they felt no pain! They could possibly have been so mesmorised by God and their love for Him that they truly felt no physical pain. And this was my take-away from the Recollection.

Looking back at my own vocation journey, during the many times that I would cry foul for the pain, suffering, resentment, jealousy, self-doubt, unworthiness etc. that I was experiencing, I realised these were the moments where I was focusing my attention very much on me, myself and I (the lonely trinity as shared by one of the seminarian brothers). Fr Ronald Rolheiser, in one of his recent columns in the Catholic News, also termed this as the 'Ego-drama' - where the drama of our lives were centered upon our Ego-self. In this Ego-drama, he explains that life is all about ME, about things having to always go MY way, and about getting the things that I want. The problem with the Ego-drama is that it is very much dependent on the situations in our lives, the external forces of circumstance, where we have little, if not more often than not, NO control over. That is why we often find ourselves going through mood swings depending on where the wind blows, frustrated when things don't go our way, angry and resentful when our loved ones get taken away, disappointed when our personal dreams and desires do not materialise, flustered when we see acts of injustice and persecution blatantly being carried out with no seeming end to it...

Yet, in recent times, I realised that it is when I begin to shift my focus away from my Ego-self, and centre it on God alone, do I then find my apparent pain, frustrations, anger etc slowly fade away, making room for inner joy, peace and hope to slowly pour into my heart. This is what Fr Ronald Rolheiser terms as the 'Theo-drama' - where we make God centre-stage of our life drama, making our lives not about us but about Him, and surrendering and subjecting every aspect of our life according to His plans, His ways, and His will. The difference in the Theo-drama is that spiritual state of heart and mind is independent of external circumstance, and dependent instead on an unchanging, unfailing, ever-loving, ever-faithful God. And because God never changes His loving and faithful nature, so too will we not be moved in our spiritual state of inner joy, peace and hope - which may even flow into our emotional and even physical states of heart and mind - so long as our gaze and focus continues to be centered on God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (the Holy Trinity that never leaves us feeling alone or in despair).

The effects of the Theo-drama, and the idea of some martyrs possibly feeling no pain before their death, was somewhat concretised in my own experiences of self-mortification that I attempted since Lent this year, by kneeling without a cushion for an hour before the Blessed Sacrament on certain days of the week, and especially by my record experience of kneeling for 3 whole hours before the Blessed Sacrament just before the Good Friday procession at St Joseph's church - as described in my previous entry 'In His Footsteps'). Although initially, I could feel the pain emerging from my knees as if my body got heavier by the minute, it was when I continued to fight the pain and remain focused on the Blessed Sacrament that I began to enter deeper into the presence of Christ, to the point of being almost mesmorised by God Himself, and oblivious to my surroundings, not anxiously counting down how long I had to stay in that position for, and truth be told - oblivious of any pain that I was initially feeling! Indeed, it was like going through a tiny sliver of what some martyrs may have had to go through while being slowly tortured to death - NO PAIN!

But of course, to reach that true stage of replacing the Ego-drama with the Theo-drama, of dying to self to the point of feeling no pain, and experiencing all the gain of peace, radiance and ecstasy, does not happen overnight. As I'm sure was the case for many of the martyrs, it demands the daily consciousness of seeking out opportunities to practice dying to self, dying to the ego; to constantly subject ourselves to the pain of being bread broken for others in order to slowly internalise the Theo-drama, and make it such a part of our daily lives that it becomes second nature. It demands choosing to sacrifice my comforts and inconveniences for the sake of others. It demands making choices that are not self-motivated but motivated by love for others. It demands that I die to my will of how things should be done, and learn to entrust things to God's way of doing things according to His time and purpose. It may even demand me to die to my pain and frustration in view of certain injustices or persecutions that I see happening in the church today, and focus on the hope and victory of God in His time.

And so for me, this truly encapsulates the theme of the Voction Discernment Recollection - 'Broken to Complete', whereby one follows Jesus not just in the way of which vocation He calls us to follow, but more so in following Jesus all the way to the cross, where He broke Himself by dying on the cross, so as to complete His mission of making His Church one complete Body, bringing us completeness of joy, peace, love, and ultimately salvation. And so regardless of whichever vocation we may be called to - whether religious life, marriage, or even as a single - all of us are called to break of ourselves through the sacrifices that comes with every vocation, so that we may echo the words of St Paul who proclaimed, "At present I rejoice when I suffer for you; I complete in my own flesh what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ for the sake of his body, which is the Church." (Colossians 1:24). It is also through this dying to ourselves, that we truly forget our entire ego-self, and bring our complete attention towards God, as if the self dies away, to the point that there is no 'self' left to feel any physical or emotional pain and suffering, such that "it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me" (Galatians 2:20).

With every daily moment-to-moment step of dying to our ego-self, I believe we can be one step closer of experiencing what St Maximilian did - that amidst all the turmoil, suffering, stormy days that we may be subjected to, we can still truly feel NO PAIN, but only ALL the GAIN of God's never-failing, everlasting love, joy and peace that leaves us radiant and in complete ecstasy.

Mary, Woman of Priority and Exceptional Love

2010-07-19T14:55:00.005+08:00

“Don’t let someone be a priority in your life… when you are just an option in theirs.”

This is a message displayed as a status in one of friend’s Facebook account, and as I was thinking about it, and while this same message although seem to be intended for perhaps a reality check for my friend’s relationship with other people, this same message can be applied on the spiritual level as well.

“Don’t let someone be a priority in your life… when you are just an option in theirs.”

Is God a priority in our lives or is God one of the many superfluous in our lives, so that he is a good option especially when times seems bad, relationships are on the rocks, finances are uncertain, and that option of having a soothing God makes perfect sense. Or is it when times are good for us, God seems to be that nice accessory that makes all things picture perfect? Or is he truly the real mantelpiece that takes centrestage in the room of our lives, in the heart of our being?

“Don’t let someone be a priority in your life… when you are just an option in theirs.”

If in our relating with people, especially with those whom we perceive as important, in a way likewise, we hope they will see us as important, as priority in their lives and not just mere options, second best accessories. Are we likewise doing the same for God, who practically gives us everything that you and I have in our lives. Nothing, nothing really belongs to us, they are gifts from the Lord. Yet, God gives us the freedom to use these gifts as we deem fit. He leaves the choice to us, no coercing, no forcing upon, while at the same time gives us the grace of knowing what is right and wrong.

Mary’s yes to the invitation to become the Mother of God in the Annunciation, her urgency in visiting Elizabeth thereafter despite her own pregnancy, Mary’s attentiveness the needs of the bridal couple at Cana when they ran out of wine, her openness to be not just the mother of Jesus, but to be the mother of the beloved disciple – who represents the whole of humanity – at the foot of the Cross despite her own sorrows, was not simply bored out as a matter-of-fact, as if it comes naturally to her. But Mary’s constant ‘yes-es’ was a result of her recognizing God as a priority in her life, and the awareness that she too is not a mere digit or iota in the plan of God, but truly as someone unique and is a priority in God’s plan. Not an option but truly a priority.

Mary’s yes is also an act of love, an act of the mind and heart, an act of will. Love is acceptance of what God has in store for us as it is, and yet love is also a rejection. When we love something or someone, it also means we reject something or someone. If John loves Mary, this would mean that he rejects all other girls and his love, his preference is for no one else but Mary. Likewise, if we love God, it also means that we reject sin and all other things that prevent us from loving him wholly and fully.

If given a choice on a train journey, would we not want to travel first-class and enjoy all the perks and first-class comforts? God does not have second-best or economy-class plan for each of us, but God has a first-class plan, a heaven-class plan for each of us, and He is inviting to hop on this train ride with Him, and yet only if we want to. Sadly, many of us prefer a second-class train ride, a second-rated relationship with Him, and that at times includes even me.

Whenever we approach Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament, let us ask God the Father for the grace to see as Mary sees, to love as Mary loves, to see and ask for the grace to recognize that God has a unique plan for each of us. We are not mere options in God’s masterplan, but truly a priority. Ask Jesus in the Most Blessed Sacrament for that exceptional love just as Mary has, to love God the Father exceptionally, as truly a priority in our lives. Let God be the priority in our lives and not just an option.

Dearest Mother, grant to us the quality of exceptional love for your Son Jesus, so that He can lead us to the Father. Help us in this train of life, and never let us lose hope. Whenever we lose sight of your Son Jesus, gently guide us with your maternal love and when times calls for it, rebuke us with tough love on your part, so that we be ever perfecting in our journey towards the Kingdom. All these we pray in the name of Jesus, through the Father, in the Holy Spirit. Amen

Reflections on Corpus Christi

2010-06-06T08:35:00.003+08:00

A Catholic Bishop was speaking with a learned man who was a non-believer. The man asked, 'How is it possible for the host to be transformed into the body and blood of Jesus Christ?' The Bishop thought for a while and replied, 'Do we eat food everyday? These food are digested and transformed into our body and blood, is it not? God is capable of even greater things. Why then is it not possible for this to be transformed into the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ?'

The man asked again, 'How can the whole of Jesus be present in the little piece of host?' The Bishop pondered for a moment and said, 'The scenery before us is beautiful, is it not? The whole horizon and the vast plains in front of us.' The man nodded in agreement. 'The scene before us is captured in our eyeball, such a small receptacle of the human body. How then is it not, for a God who is capable of greater things, to make present the whole Jesus in the little host?'

The man pondered and asked again, 'Tell me how then, is it possible for the same Jesus to be present in all the hosts all over the world, at the same time.' The Bishop thought for a moment and replied with a smile, 'You have seen a mirror? It captures the image of whatever it reflects. If you throw it on the ground, it will shatter into little pieces. Each piece will also reflect the same image at the same time won't they.'

The Body and Blood of Jesus Christ which we receive every mass is so often taken for granted. My prayer is that this day and everytime we receive this sacrament of love, we may ponder more deeply the great gift that our Lord has given to us, to be present with us not only spiritual, but also physically.

Punggol End or End of Punggol? - Br Edward Seah

2010-05-23T16:27:00.000+08:00

At our recent Diocesan Vocation Retreat, I learnt that quite a number of participants could not find the way to the Seminary. How is that possible considering Singapore is [according to a minister from one of our neighbouring countries] just a little red dot? Then I recall the very few occasions I had taxi rides to the place. The drivers did not seem to know where Ponggol 17 Ave or Ponggol End were. One only knew when I said ‘It’s near the end of Punggol’.

At a table conversation during the vocation retreat, I learnt that it seems many drivers did not quite understand when passengers requested for ‘Punggol 17 Avenue’. Then I learnt of a new name given to this place. The taxi drivers call it simply: Punggol 17. Hmm, that’s a cool name for sure!

Punggol End or Punggol 17 is a new place for me. It is the part of Singapore I am not very familiar having spent the first part of my life in Bendemeer-Rangoon area and the rest of my years, prior to coming here, mostly in Katong. My memories of Punggol could only go back to the once-upon-a-time time even before the air was filled with the ‘ketiak’ [armpits] odour of pigs. Once in a blue moon, my mum used to visit a Middleton Hospital colleage of hers for some ‘see-sek’ [chinese gambling cards game or what I thought was the female version of majong] session which lasted like a whole day. When evening came, the aunties either put up the dimly-lit oil lamps or the very brightly pumped kerosene lamps like those commonly used then by stall holders at Pasar Malam. I could still recall the challenge of going home once the aunties transfigured into ‘zombies’ after a day of ‘puak see-sek’. Someone would carry a torch light and lead us through a narrow dirt track before we reach the bus stop for the same bus number 82. It was scary as we believed pontianaks roam in the dark looking for guys [so hold on to your shorts tight] and we were advised never to look back if we smell the sweet fragrance of flowers especially from the frangipani tree.

Many years later, in 2009, I was back again to this place near the end of Punggol. It was different from what I had seen before. There were less trees, less farms though this last stretch of Ponggol Road still look the same narrow road quite like before. Once settled in the Seminary, I had the wonderful opportunity of experiencing the cool weather especially at night and in the early morning. I remember I did not need to use the fan in my room on my first two weeks here. My room faces the forest next door. I was often awakened at night by the sound of wild boar among other creatures and during the day watched different kinds of birds and abundant squirrels in their daily routines. At times, the monkeys made their special guest appearances.

Photo: Is this ….. Down-Under or somewhere? Courtesy of Br. Gregory Chan

Photo: A dream world right across the road. Courtesy of Br. Gregory Chan

I was amazed with the amount of wild lives present in this small remaining pocket of forest. Within a year, the surrounding places changed. Over a period of time, we could hear excavators pulling down the trees one by one. As the struggle went on between the excavator and each tree, I watched the swinging of other trees as if they were trying to uproot themselves so as to seek refuge somewhere else. For a while, the seminary also became like a passage way or crossing for many crawlies including the poisonous cobras. I have no idea where the creatures have gone to now but hopefully they have made their exodus to some other promising lands.

I must say that it has been a privileged for me to be here at this time where Punggol is undergoing major transition. I arrived just in time to catch the breath of the green lung of Punggol. For those who come to attend the next Vocation Recollection, be sure to catch a glimpse of the little old Punggol and give Him the highest glory and praise while admiring the plants of the earth, the bird in the sky, and the wild beasts and tame before the next change comes: the much anticipated Punggol 21. Come and see not only Punggol 17 but if you have time, go beyond … right to the end of Punggol.

Photo: Punggol Road and the bus stop for 17th Avenue.

Photo: Where Punggol Road meets Punggol 17th Avenue.

Photo: What else to do next?

Chains of Freedom

2010-05-22T10:54:00.002+08:00

Being called by God to be a follower of Christ can sometimes seem very daunting. It seems to entail being chained to the commandments of Christ 'to love one another as I have loved you' (John 13:34), chained to the demands expected of a follower 'to deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me' (Mark 8:34), even chained to the will of God that seems to go against how we want or desire to live our precious lives.

Gospel reading: John 21:20-25
    Peter turned and saw the disciple Jesus loved following them – the one who had leaned on his breast at the supper and had said to him, ‘Lord, who is it that will betray you?’ Seeing him, Peter said to Jesus, ‘What about him, Lord?’ Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to stay behind till I come, what does it matter to you? You are to follow me.’ The rumour then went out among the brothers that this disciple would not die. Yet Jesus had not said to Peter, ‘He will not die’, but, ‘If I want him to stay behind till I come.’
    This disciple is the one who vouches for these things and has written them down, and we know that his testimony is true.
    There were many other things that Jesus did; if all were written down, the world itself, I suppose, would not hold all the books that would have to be written.

Each time I am called by God either towards a particular vocation, a particular ministry, a particular person, or even just a small particular task, initially it almost seems as if I am being picked out by God from among so many around me, to be clamped with chains round my wrist, so that I may be pulled out and tasked to do God's bidding like a victimising master picking on his slave for fun and pleasure. It is during these moments that I seem to exclaim in Peter's words 'what about him, Lord?' pointing to so many people out there who seem more worthy and capable to be 'picked on'.

First reading: Acts 28:16-20, 30-31
    On our arrival in Rome Paul was allowed to stay in lodgings of his own with the soldier who guarded him.
    After three days he called together the leading Jews. When they had assembled, he said to them, ‘Brothers, although I have done nothing against our people or the customs of our ancestors, I was arrested in Jerusalem and handed over to the Romans. They examined me and would have set me free, since they found me guilty of nothing involving the death penalty; but the Jews lodged an objection, and I was forced to appeal to Caesar, not that I had any accusation to make against my own nation. That is why I have asked to see you and talk to you, for it is on account of the hope of Israel that I wear this chain.’
    Paul spent the whole of the two years in his own rented lodging. He welcomed all who came to visit him, proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching the truth about the Lord Jesus Christ with complete freedom and without hindrance from anyone.

Yet we see how even though St Paul was imprisoned and chained in Rome through no fault or choice of his, it was 'on account of the hope of Israel that' he chose to 'wear this chain’. Not only that, throughout the time that he was chained, 'he welcomed all who came to visit him, proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching the truth about the Lord Jesus Christ with complete freedom and without hindrance from anyone.'

Upon further reflection, I realise that whenever God calls me to follow His will, I am not really being chained to His whims and fancies. In fact, God is really coming to me to set me free from the worldly chains that bind me to earthly pleasures, bind me to my own desires, dreams, plans and will that spring from my own limited and misguided perception of what is really good for me. Only when I freely and willingly accept His calling do I allow God to set me free so that I may truly live out His perfect will for me 'with complete freedom and without hindrance from anyone' and especially without hindrance from my own self.

As I now slowly learn to accept His will and plan for me, I also slowly experience the freedom of being led by God to the fullness of His love and peace, through my deep and personal encounters of Christ, and through the way God uses me in 'proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching the truth about the Lord Jesus Christ' in my everyday life.

It is in this light that I slowly stop looking around me and asking 'what about him, Lord?', for I have realised that it no longer matters to me why I seem to be the only one called, or why someone else isn't called, for God calls each one of us differently and for different paths, but ultimately God personally comes to each one of us to set us free from our earthly chains. And because of this, all that really matters to me is that I be 'chained' to His perfect love and will, to be bound by His mercy and greatness, and to live the life God wills for me with complete freedom.

Not Scared to Lose

2010-05-13T17:25:00.001+08:00

I was having mixed feelings the night before this year's Annual Diocesan Vocation "Not Scared to Lose" Retreat held from 7-9 May. It may have been the fact that it was my first time participating in the retreat no longer as an aspirant but this time 'on the other side of the fence' as a seminarian / faciliator. But deep down I knew it was more so because exactly 3 years ago, I attended this same retreat for the very first time, and was one of the minority who sheepishly raised up my hand on the first night of the retreat when we were asked who in the room had a girlfriend. I could almost recall the gaping mouths and the looks of "are you out of your mind?!" horror on the faces of the other single men in the room.

(If you didn't already know - you can read from my private post 'Sell Everything', I went for the retreat with the intention of confirming that it was God's plan for me to marry my girlfriend then by confirming through the retreat that priesthood was not for me. Yes, I've been asked 'what was I thinking?' many times already so don't you start.)

In all honesty, it's not that I'm having any regrets or remorse at this point in time. I've been very much at peace and have been experiencing moments of deep joy and intimate encounters with the Lord over the last 4 months in the seminary. But I suppose these mixed feelings come about whenever I start to reminisce about the past, recall what I used to have and now what I had to LOSE in order to answer the call of my vocation. It didn't help much either when I recently got to know that not 1, not 2, but THREE fellow aspirants who shared similar experiences of being prompted by God to leave their girlfriends to discern the priestly calling, eventually concluded after a period of discernment that their vocation was for the married life, and so have already gotten married or are about to tie the knot within the next few months. (So it's not true that all who come for a vocation retreat become priests, so what are you afraid of? In fact, with statistics like the above, what are you waiting for? Heh. =P ) While part of me is happy for them that they have finally found their true calling in life that will eventually lead them to the fullest of life and joy, I can't deny that a tiny part of me wonders why couldn't I have shared with them 'God's final answer' for them too.

"For whoever will save his life will lose it. But whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it." (Mark 8:35)

Yet it was Mgsr Eugene Vaz's homily on the last day of the retreat that truly shed much light on my little predicament. He mentioned that in seeking one's vocation in life, it wasn't so much as to consider what one had to LOSE or what one could GAIN from following God's call, but rather HOW we could use our God-given gifts, talents, strengths, positive qualities for the building of God's kingdom for the glory of God!

Losing

When I first felt called to the priesthood, I started out measuring my vocation based on what I had to LOSE in order to answer my call - my career, my girlfriend, my hopes of marriage and raising a family. This can make many fear taking the next step, especially when we are overwhelmed by how much we have to sacrifice. Sometimes we may even start to compare ourselves with others and begin to think how we will LOSE out to our peers when we take the road less travelled. During the early stages of my discernment period, I remember feeling jealous of dating couples and even hated attending weddings at one point in time when I saw my friends - what with their wedding gowns, smart suits and photoshoots - as having what I couldn't have.

Once after a good friend of mine gave birth to a baby boy, I got the chance to visit her. And when I saw how cute the baby was, I told her how jealous I was of her, to have such a nice happy family. But you know what she told me? She told me, “Are you crazy? I’m the one jealous of you, to be able to experience God in such a deep, personal way that you could just give up everything to answer His call. And that made me see things differently.

Gaining

Later I began to also see answering one's vocation as being able to achieve the greatest possible self-fulfilment in life, being able to experience the fullness of His love and joy that He meant for us to have by living out our vocation. While I believed God would still bless my marriage had I chosen to ignore His call, I concluded that not only will I be short-changing myself with a life of second-best (only in my case if I was called to the priesthood), I would also be shortchanging my partner from a better plan that God might have for her.

And so it surprised me when Msgr Eugene Vaz mentioned that the above should not be the primary reason why one answers a vocation call. While it is true that God wants the best for us, and will never disappoint or be outdone in generosity when we surrender our lives to Him, the above 'GAINS' are only to be considered the fruits and rewards of answering one's vocation call, the pleasant outcome of our obedience to His call.

Being

And so I've come to realise that measuring our vocation call based on what we have to LOSE and/or what we stand to GAIN from it, not only makes our response very much self-serving, it also would not sustain us in our vocation call. As Msgr Eugene Vaz points out, it is necessary that we stop asking 'what will I LOSE?' or 'what will I GAIN?', and start asking 'in which vocation can I best make use of my gifts and talents for His Church, for His glory?' When we can find the vocation - be it singlehood, marriage, or the religious life - where we can best serve God and His church using the gifts given to us, we not only give glory to God and benefit the entire church, we also get to fully live out the life God planned for us, to BE the person He created us to be - in His image and likeness, and THEN only will the things we have to LOSE pale in comparison to the awesomeness and perfection of His ultimate plan for us, and THEN only will we consequently GAIN the greatest possible life we can have through experiencing the fullness of His love and joy.

Indeed this was what I eventually experienced during the 3 days of the Diocesan Vocation Retreat. The minute I focused on giving my very best to God and to the retreatants, I found myself so taken up by the power of God working through the speakers, the sharings of the retreatants, the prayer sessions, the entire atmosphere of the retreat, and also through my very self, my very BEING. As I began welcoming the retreatants and making them feel as at home and as loved as I myself experienced 3 years ago, as I began sharing with the retreatants about my own experiences, struggles, joys, insights, as I even got to have some heart-to-heart chats with a few retreatants who were facing personal struggles or concerns, I found myself in great joy, fulfillment and awe at how powerfully God was using me as His instrument to journey with the retreatants and bring about His love and truth. And so not only was I there to provide faciliatation and support to the retreatants, the retreatants in turn have also provided me with the much needed affirmation that I am right where He wants me to BE, and have no regrets LOSING everything just so I can better serve God and His people. And the joy and peace I GAIN from it can never be replaced by anything else in the world.

"Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

But then the question is, how do I continue refraining from looking into the past and dwelling on what I have to LOSE, or stop looking into the future at what I stand to GAIN?

St Therese of Liseux says, "It's only love that makes us what God wants us to be, and for that reason it's the only possessions I covet. But how to come by it? Our Lord has seen fit to show me the only way which leads to it, and that is the unconcern with which a child goes to sleep in its father's arms."

As I begin to grow in my intimacy with God through my time in the seminary, I better understand how true the above is. The more we grow in our relationship and intimacy with God as a child grows in relationship and intimacy with its father, the more we can trust in His ways and simply lie still in the Father's arms without a care in the world what we lost from the past or what we may gain in the future. When we can give that complete trust to the Father, all that matters is dwelling every minute of everyday in the Lord's presence, allowing Him to Lord over my life, to lead me to His perfect plan for me, and to totally submit and surrender to His time and purpose.

It's just as how I imagine myself to be caught in the middle of the ocean, still unaware of which island God wants me to end up on. Yet, if I try to take matters into my own hands and swim towards the island I think I want to go (which may not necessarily be His plan for me), I might be swimming against the current and tire myself out along the process. Instead, I realise all God wants of me is to BE STILL and know that HE IS GOD who knows best and will use the waves and the currents to gently and slowly lead me towards the island I am meant to end up on, the vocation I am meant to live out.

And so while I am still in my first year of formation, still unaware of what is to come in the subsequent years of my journey, I choose to continue lying in the middle of God's gigantic ocean of love, lying still in the midst of His gentle ways that will carry me day by day towards His perfect plan for me.

And my prayer is for all of us who may still be in search for our vocation, or may be struggling along the path towards responding to that vocation, that we may continue to faithfully build that intimate relationship with the Father through small faithful acts of prayer and time set aside for the Lord, such that once we can experience the 'unconcern with which a child goes to sleep in its father's arms'

no matter where God is leading us towards our true vocation in life

we will not have to consider what we stand to GAIN

and we will most definitely

NOT be Scared to Lose!

In His footsteps

2010-04-16T21:15:00.000+08:00

3 hours Jesus spent hanging on the cross before His death

3 hours I spent kneeling in church before the Good Friday service

This year, us Initiation Year seminarians were allowed to participate in the Easter Triduum at any church of our choice, as part of our pastoral exposure programme. My seminarian classmate and I chose to attend the Good Friday service at St Joseph's church as we had heard much about their annual Good Friday procession, where this devotional practice handed down by the Fathers of the Portuguese Mission included the statue of Jesus being taken down from the cross before being carried around the church in solemn procession amidst a sea of lighted candles held up by Catholics and even non-Catholics, some of whom have been a part of this devotion every year without fail since their childhood days.

But this isn't the main point of my post. While the re-enactment of Jesus being taken down from the cross did invoke a deeper experience of witnessing the love and sacrifice of our Lord before me, what I wish to focus on was the 3 hours spent kneeling on the pews (thank goodness for cushion) prior to the service.

The reason why me and my classmate were at St Joseph's church 3 hours before the start of the service was because we heard that the church would be very crowded, and that if we wanted a seat as close to the 'action' as possible, we should be there early. Short of sounding like kiasu 'aunties' desperate to 'chop' seats, it was because we had the luxury of time in our initiation year (that's why some call it the 'honeymoon' year) that we decided to make those 3 hours a meaningful way of accompanying and sharing in Jesus' suffering while He hung on the cross for 3 hours before His death.

Armed with a bible, some reflection material, and my journal, I entered the church with my classmate and we planted ourselves as close to the front as possible (I don't suppose this makes us sound any less of kiasu aunties huh). I then knelt down and began to pray for the grace and strength to last those 3 hours. What I was caught unaware and unprepared for was the sudden prompting to remain in that kneeling position...for half an hour...then an hour more...then subsequently to challenge myself to remain in solidarity with the Lord by remaining in that position for the entire 3 hours just as He remained up on the cross for the same duration.

Although kneeling was nothing compared to being nailed to a cross, but within the first hour, the initial strength of the knee slowly gave way to discomfort (even with the cushion) and a slight pressure resulting from the weight of my body (thank goodness the Lenten practice of fasting relieved my knee of some grams). In time, even with the occassional shifting of the knee, pain started to build up in the knee caps, sometimes to the point of numbness before I relieve it with a temporary lift until I place it down again on another spot. But as the pain and discomfort of the adopted position grew, so did the experience draw me deeper into the whole experience of sharing in the pain and suffering of our Lord.

"If I am merely kneeling on cushioned pews, imagine the exponential amount of pain and suffering Jesus went through from hanging on the cross by mere nails pierced through his flesh, already discounting the scourging and torture He went through prior to His crucifixion." I thought to myself.

As I began to share a mere fraction of the suffering Jesus went through, I began to reflect on the image of Jesus being hung on the cross - bloody, scarred, wounded, vulnerable, weak, humiliated - the very image that was to win over the powers and the ways of the world, the very image that was to bring about the defeat of sin and death, the very image that was to bring about our very salvation. And this was the very image Christ seemed to be calling me to adopt in order to defeat the powers of the world, of evil, and to carry on His redemptive work for His church through my vocation.

Walking in His Footsteps

I began to realise that only when I follow in the footsteps of Jesus - to freely and willingly take on suffering in obedience to the will of God, to gladly accept the blood, scars, wounds that will come my way, to humbly allow myself to be vulnerable, weak and even humiliated, to experience the physical and emotional pain and suffering - can I then truly allow God to take over and work in me just as Jesus allowed the Father to work through Him. It is in my weakness, suffering, and vulnerability that I will begin to depend more on God, to trust in His protection and providence, to allow Him to give me strength I never knew I had, to rid myself from self-pride and personal desires and ideals, and truly be susceptible and open to the will of God that may reveal outcomes of "resurrections" I never thought possible, works of redemption I never thought myself capable of.

From the above experience and insight, I began to see my own experiences of suffering and pain as a way of walking in Jesus' footsteps, sharing in His suffering, pain and redemptive work.

Walking MY PATH in His Footsteps

However, just recently, I received another relevation related to the earlier insight during one morning's hour of adoration before the Lord. In the midst of my adoration, an image of Jesus' wounded feet descended before me and seemed to have stepped into MY footsteps. As I pondered further at that image, I began to realise that even before I found the strength, inspiration, and will to walk in Jesus' footsteps by sharing in His suffering, Jesus was the one who FIRST walked in my footsteps to share MY suffering during His passion, suffering and death! It was 2,000 years ago before I even started walking in my own footsteps did He already walked in them, shared in the suffering and pain that I am discovering and experiencing along my path, and already knew how I would be feeling and what I am going through right this moment as I continue to walk in my footsteps.

Jesus already knows what it feels like to have to part from a loved one, to have to break a relationship I cherished so much, to have to witness other happy couples getting married and starting families, to have to deal with sacrifices that come with this priestly vocation, to have to deal with my own weaknesses and sinfulness, to have to deal with conflicts and tension that exist in relationships with other people, to have to deal with outcomes that are not according to mywishes, to have to deal with sudden circumstances in my life that throw me into confusion and despair, and the list goes on.

All these Jesus had already walked in them, walking with His wounded, bloody feet with two permanent holes etched in them. And as I continue to walk in His footsteps that form my part of the journey, He is still there with me, walking with me, suffering with me. And because He has already walked in those footsteps of mine, He even knows which step I would trip so as to be prepared to catch me. He knows which step I would land on a stone so as to be prepared to hold me steady. He even knows which step I may miss, so that He takes it upon Himself to make up for it and take that step on my behalf. He also knows which steps are hardest and most tiring so as to be ready to carry me on His back and walk those familiar steps again for me.

With a God so loving as to send His only Son down to become one of us, and to pave the way for us by taking those footsteps first, why should I turn away from Him in the midst of my tiring, painful, heart-wrenching footsteps, when I can turn my face to Him instead, and allow Him to catch me, to hold me, to support me, and even to carry me.

Jesus never skips a step, even when we do.

So let us never feel afraid or alone whenever we take the steps that are laid before us, for Jesus has already walked in them, and we already know where these footsteps will eventually lead to, even if they have to pass through the dusty, bloody roads leading up to Calvary, for beyond those steps are footsteps towards redemption, resurrection, and Paradise.

And that's where I want my feet to end up eventually...even if my journey started with two knees on the ground (or cushioned pews for that matter).

Are We Asking The Right Questions?

2010-03-04T12:12:00.002+08:00

It is coming to almost two months since our new academic year started in the seminary and quite a few things have happened these past few months. For me, it has been a time of re-adjusting back to seminary life after spending one whole year out at the Church of the Holy Spirit as part of my Regency programme.

One of the things that is new for me now that I am back in seminary is that I have just begun my theological studies. Often, in class, my brothers have been teasing me that they have been waiting for me to come back because they know that I will ask many questions in class. Although they are only joking, their teasing sometimes makes me wonder why I am known to have so many questions. I do admit that it is true that I do have many questions - I guess it stems from my desire to be clear, especially since I feel the weight of my seminary studies in terms of the teaching role I would play as a priest and also, I think it reflects my personal search for the truth. It could also well be that I am slower to grasp the subject that is being taught which can be embarrassing but I must accept that and of course my greatest fear in asking questions would be if I am holding back all my classmates or the lecturers in advancing further into the course if I had not asked those questions. I guess the issue at hand is whether the questions are pertinent and useful to the subject or are merely irresponsible and irrelevant questions. That is something I must continuously discern.

However, I would like to use this example of my own life to reflect on something deeper. I think that most of us Singaporean students prefer not to ask questions. I guess it is part of the education system we grew up in or maybe it is also just part of our Asian culture not to question because it may seem disrespectful or unnecessary. We would certainly prefer it if all the answers were just given to us on a golden platter. I guess this holds true at every level of our education and it is no wonder then that the ten year series books with worked solutions are always so popular for our major exams as we all want the worked out solutions. This could also be true for us when it comes to the bigger questions of life.

Let me sidetrack for a while by sharing with all of you a question that has been on my mind recently. In the Singaporean Catholic community, we have been praying for vocations for some years now and although we are seeing some change in the tide of vocations, I do not think that we have seen a dramatic change. Maybe it is still early and we are still at the stage of ploughing the fields so that the Lord can plant the seeds of vocation and we can look forward to the great harvest but I wonder if there are also other possibilities. In recent times, I have also been quite amused with the fact that I have met and heard of good and balanced men who begin on a search to discern whether they are called to the priestly vocation only to discover that they are not being called. I salute these men for their honesty and courage. But in recent times, I confess that I have been wrestling with God about why many of the men who are serious about discerning are not being called by Him. With so many people praying, it surely cannot be that the Lord has not heard our prayer. My wrestling with God is not that He is not calling people because I strongly believe that He is; my wrestling with Him is on why He seems to be bestowing the Call on all those who are probably not seriously discerning instead of those who seem to have. That is, I think what my question is at the moment. Part of the answer I get when I reflect on this is that God also wants us to reach out to the men who are still not yet discerning but have been called. This is a real challenge and I guess it is something we have to persevere in doing.

Recently, our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, was reflecting on St. Bonaventure and he noted how when St Bonaventure had finished the equivalent of secondary school, he experienced the questions that so many young people ask: "John [later Bonaventure] asked himself a crucial question: 'What must I do with my life?'" This led Bonaventure to join the Franciscans and became one of the most important theologians in the history of the Church.

I guess this is what the crux of my reflection is. I think that one possible reason why we are not having vocations, and more importantly, why so many of us seem to be living mediocre lives is because we are not courageous enough in asking the right questions about our lives. I guess the classroom is just a brief reflection of our greater fear of asking questions. I do not think that I myself have been very courageous in this area. I think that often, it is not so much that we fear asking the question, although it can be embarrassing at times, but it is the answer that we fear. The answer could and normally does demand more than we can give or it could turn our whole worldview upside down and challenge us at the core of our being – whatever it is, the answer changes us in many ways and so, in reality, the question also changes us. Asking questions requires an element of vulnerability and trust. We have to trust that there is an answer that makes the question worth asking and that when we ask, we will be supported and not ridiculed. I guess this is where we are trying to do all we can to give a supporting and safe environment where our young Singaporeans can be courageous enough to ask the right questions. Maybe, they too will be courageous in asking with St Bonaventure, “What must I do with my life?” and so hear the voice of Christ. After all, the first words of Jesus in St John’s Gospel is a question - “What are you looking for?” (Jn 1:38)

And maybe, the courage that we show in asking the right questions in life would then inspire others to also ask the right questions and so begin living a radically meaningful life. Thus, we shall become salt and light of the world! Let us be courageous in asking the right questions!

Lent Seasoning

2010-03-04T10:18:00.002+08:00

When we use the word "season" for Lent, we are usually referring to the period of fourty days of preparation before Easter. But the word "season" also bears another meaning, which the dictionary defines as "to improve and enhance the flavour of food"

I remember when I was young, there was this Maggi Seasoning in its uniquely shaped bottle, that I would add to my half boiled eggs to enhance the taste and flavour. This same seasoning was used by my mum to marinate everthing from chicken and pork to stir-fried vegetables.

It is this image of seasoning and marinating that I find relevant to the season of Lent. When we season a piece of meat before cooking, we usually cover the meat with the seasoning, making sure that it is completely covered, sometimes even rubbing or massaging so that the seasoning will go into the meat. Often we would leave the meat to soak in the seasoning to allow the flavour to soak all the way through.

Similarly when we look at our "Lenten Seasoning", we are given forty days to be "marinated" by the various Lenten Practices that we are undertaking. First what are we seasoning ourselves with? There are the 3 practices of Fasting, Almsgiving and Prayer that the Church recommends as the best seasoning. Because they help us look at 3 areas in our lives. Fasting looks at our lives and what are the things that we have allowed to take control of our lives, not just food, but other distractions or addictions. Almsgiving makes us look at others, not just about giving money, but giving our time, energy and love. And prayer of course makes us turn back to God.

Meat that is seasoned properly makes it tender, enhances the taste, and it is not just on the surface that it can be washed away. So too our Lenten Seasoning, has to be something that transforms us internally. The effects of our fasting cannot be that we lose weight, but are we tempering our desires and feelings. Our almsgiving cannot result just in a lighter wallet, but are we more aware of the needs of others and growing in our relationships. And our prayer has to result in an increase in our relationship and love of God. Though we will stop our lenten practices at Easter, the effects of a properly "seasoned" person will continue in the lives we lead.

So let us pray that our Lenten Seasoning this year may not just be "garnishing" that is put on externally and just looks nice, but that it will truly transform us within to be tastier, tender and holier when we celebrate the gift of New Life at Easter.

Open House Report 2010

2010-03-02T11:12:00.001+08:00

Last Sunday, the seminary has it first Open House for 2010. We had groups from various churches here to visit our humble abode. This time, about 70-80% of the visitors are teenagers. In the presentation about the seminary, we decided to screen a video to show nature of the priesthood.

In this video, we are told that the priesthood is counter cultural, where men give up their lives to remain celibate and serve the people of God. Bro Jude reiterated this when he said that we have decided to not get married, not have children and not have a family. We will embrace the people of God as our family.

Though not many dare to raise their hands when we asked them if they have any inclination to the priesthood or religious life, we do hope that in some way, we did open their minds to this way of life and in the future, when they are considering their paths in life, dedicating their lives to God in a religious community or at the altar will be one of their choices.

In any case, do look out for our next Open House in October. Remember to register through your parish offices.

Wound-er & Wound-ed

2010-02-18T10:56:00.003+08:00

‘And when you stand in prayer, forgive whatever you have against anybody, so that your Father in heaven may forgive your failings too.'

Building a relationship is never easy, maintaining it is even harder, and yet losing it is perhaps the easiest. In all forms of relationships, the main prerequisite that must exist is trust and forgiveness. Trust comes from a generous heart and forgiveness comes with a bruised ego.

Why a bruised ego? Think about it; can we accept forgiveness? Because when we accept forgiveness, it is to accept the fact that we are dependent on the other party to seek forgiveness from our part. This is contrary to what most of us might perceive then; that we are wrong and thus entitled to forgive when approach. When we forgive, a little part of us dies as well, just as that part of the person seeking forgiveness dies as well.

Is this notion wrong? Think about it then. What might possibly prevent us from seeking forgiveness and reconciliation? Pride. What might cause the unjust man to turn his back to God? Pride. What causes a just man to turn away from God? Pride. We simply trust too much of ourselves rather than relying on the graces that God Himself is ever-ready to grant us.

It is not easy to forgive at times and even harder still to accept the fact that we are in need of forgiveness. During this season of Lent, let us pray for the grace to accept that pride exists within each of us, and yet to temper this pride with humility and docility, and to recognize that besides being the wound-er, we are also the wound-ed in need of forgiveness and healing.

“Lord Jesus, help us to recognize our limitations and give us the grace not to limit you with our limitations, but instead grant us the grace to fall freely and out of control into your Father’s Divine Love, and help us to heal others and let others heal us too. Give us the Spirit of humility and docility for indeed, ‘the truth will set us free!’ Amen.”

Invisible Christ

2009-11-25T21:56:00.003+08:00

“Christ is the image of the unseen God and the first-born of all creation, for in him were created all things in heaven and on earth: everything visible and everything invisible.”
Colossians 1:15-16

When I was in Initiation Year, I had the opportunity to attend a series of sessions of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd, and during one of sessions, I was shown a short video, where a child of 5 or 6 years old was asked if he can explain what the Holy Trinity is all about. The child went to a drawing board complete with paint brushes and palates of colours and he started painting the whole picture green, and after doing so, he said “This is God the Father”, after that he painted over the green with yellow and then he said, “This is God the Son”, and lastly he took red paint and painted over the green and yellow, and after doing so, he said “This is God the Holy Spirit, and together they form the Holy Trinity.”

To us, if we can picture it, that painting was just a mix-mesh of colours and doesn’t tell us much, much less the Holy Trinity. However, for that child of 5 or 6 years old, he encountered the mystery of the Holy Trinity in a most personal and profound way.

Children seem capable of seeing the Invisible, almost as if it is more tangible and more real than immediate reality. Children are able to penetrate beyond the veil of signs and perceive their meanings as if no barrier existed at all between the visible and invisible. Whereas for us, if the thing is invisible, we grow suspicious about it and because it cannot be confirmed by sight and touch, we grow leery of it. Yet there are many things that are invisible; the air we breathe, the wind we feel and the electricity that runs through our lights and equipment.

We are thus invited to regain that wonder that we had lost. Jesus is visible, yet invisible in the Blessed Sacrament. For the unbelieving eyes, it is just a piece of bread, but for us Jesus is real in the Blessed Sacrament. Jesus remains invisible in the Eucharist so as to awaken the childlike wonder within us. His hidden mode is mercy for us. If we want to ‘see’ Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, then we need to regain our sense of wonder. For when we wonder, we are tuned into this Mystery that Jesus is drawing us into.

Let us cast our gaze onto Jesus and contemplate him with the eyes of our heart. Let us remain focus on him in the Blessed Sacrament and with filled with wonder, and Jesus will seem as if we have never seen before. Let us cast our gaze onto Jesus, for Jesus is present even when our hearts seems overwhelmed with other things. This gaze of love searches for Him and this search takes time, for as Scriptures says, “Be still and know that I am God”.

"When we are before the Blessed Sacrament, instead of looking about us, let us shut our eyes and open our hearts; and the good God will open his. We will go to him, and he will come to us, the one to give, and the other to receive. It will be like a breath passing from one to the other. What delight we find in forgetting ourselves that we may seek God!"
- St. John Vianney

New blog for the reflections of our Seminarian Brothers

2009-10-01T14:28:00.004+08:00

Good News!!

The official blog of the St Francis Xavier Major Seminary has been launched and will have the contributions of our Brother Seminarians... all of them...

Please drop by http://sfxms.blogspot.com and give them your support!!!

God Bless!!!

Memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows – 15 September 2009

2009-09-15T14:41:00.003+08:00

Most if not all of us have our favourite image of Our Lady. I have mine as well, and it is the icon of Our Lady of Perpetual Succour. About four years ago, through one of Fr Ignatius Huan’s homilies or lessons, I was introduced and have since added another favourite image of Our Lady, the image of Mary standing at the foot of the Cross.

When confronted by the imminent death of her son Jesus and the horrific sufferings that Jesus was enduring, Mary herself was also at the foot of the Cross undergoing her own passion. Yet in John’s Gospel, Mary was not depicted as weeping her eyes out, beating her chest as the women of Jerusalem did nor kneeling down in a state of distraught. Instead Mary was seen as standing at the foot of the Cross, a picture of trust and confidence in the Divine plan of God the Father and the promises of Her Son Jesus.

Exactly one year ago this day, I was about to start on my Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at Mount Alvernia Hospital, and there was quite a fair bit of uncertainties and even apprehensiveness, because I do not know what is going to happen or will happen at CPE. Some said that it was an irony to start my CPE on Our Lady of Sorrows, but to me, it was providential and it pointed out the attitude I am invited to have. In that quiet morning that day, as I prepared for Eucharistic Celebration in Holy Spirit’s chapel, all I did was to surrender and entrust in faith and obedience to God the Father, and I said to Our Lady, “Mother, I do not know what is going to happen, but Mother, please walk with me and stand with me.”

There are many things we do not understand, and like Mary we are invited to ponder on the things we do not comprehend in our hearts, and we are all invited to be like Mary, to be open, to be faithful, to be trusting, to stand upright despite all the impossibilities going on around us, to let go of our dreams and dream God’s dreams for us.

Unsatisfying Food

2009-09-14T17:47:00.005+08:00

Today, on the Feast of The Triumph of the Cross, a line in the First Reading caught my attention and re-surfaced a long overdue reflection that has been lingering at the back of my mind for the past few weeks.

The First Reading says that the Israelites lost patience with God as they entered into the wilderness grumbling, “we are sick of this unsatisfying food” (Numbers 21:5). Unsatisfying Food – what is that, really?

I guess at some point or another, we would have experienced “unsatisfying food” in our lives and these experiences although often insignificant, would have taught us something worthwhile – (01) either about the food we ate, (02) the one who prepared it (i.e. the chef) or (03) possibly about ourselves (i.e. our hunger, to be more precise).

Within these three possibilities, I guess the least blame can be given to the “food” itself , although at first glance, it seems to be the one which causes the whole reaction. Sure, there is the possibility of the poor quality of the raw material that could have gone into the preparation of the dish but we all know that it can never be that bad because nobody intentionally starts preparing a dish with rotten ingredients.

The second possibility is that the one who prepared it was a poor cook and so was not able to prepare something delicious and satisfying. This is often the reason we would sight in our everyday life and so it is of no surprise that the Israelites blamed God, the “chef” of the food they were eating, for the “unsatisfying food” and I guess it is because of their rejection of the “chef” that they also end up losing His presence which is their protection and ended up being bitten by the fiery serpents. When we do not like a certain food at a particular restaurant, we often decide never to go back there again and this is sometimes the case with our own relationship with God. The problem is that in our everyday lives, there are many other “cooks” or “chefs” that we can turn to but when it comes to God, our Faith tells us that He is the only One. Rejecting Him would mean inevitably making the decision to go hungry for the rest of our lives and we all know where this would lead us – starvation and eventual death. At this point, I also recall the parable of the Prodigal Son; the younger son had decided that he no longer wanted to eat his father’s food and so he resorted to eating the food of the swine. Similarly, sure, there may be other alternatives in life; “food” that may satisfy our initial hunger but we also know at the same time, just like that younger son in the parable, that this food is not the “real food” that was made for me and neither was I made for it. It was much more “unsatisfying food” but our pride may hold us back from returning to the feast of the Father’s House.

I personally feel that it is the third possible reason for “unsatisfying food” that deserves our closer attention. “Unsatisfying food” is so not so much of the food itself but because of our appetites and our tastes. It is common knowledge that the best tasting food is the worst for our health and often, the most bland food is in reality, the most healthy for us. Nevertheless, there is a reality of our own hunger and appetites that we need to examine and understand. Maybe, if the Israelites had understood their hunger more, they would have complained less against God and this could well be the case in our own modern lives too. What are we hungering for?

Recently, I met a good friend for lunch and he mentioned something that has stayed with me since. He was reflecting about our lives as Christians in the modern world we live in and he remarked that most of us are settling for “stale bread” instead of feasting on the “daily bread” that the Father desires to give to each of us. I have been reflecting further on his remark and realise that it is very true for myself and for many people around me. Often, I am unable to go deeper into the longings of my heart, the depths of my hunger and the fast pace and superficiality of modern life has sometimes prevented me from truly settling for “real food” because I can choose to settle for “instant noodles”. We all know that “instant noodles” are good stopgap measures but they would never be the main dish of a feast. It would in fact be a great insult to our guests if we threw a big feast and served them all packets of instant noodles. Somehow, we also know that the best dishes in life are made with great effort and love. I guess that’s why mother’s cooking is always the best – not so much that she is better than the world’s best chef but we know how much “love” was a necessary ingredient in her dish.

I believe that this is also true when we come to the hunger of our lives. In the Book of Exodus – “'That' said Moses to them 'is the bread Yahweh gives you to eat” (Exodus 16:15). God knows the hunger of us His children and he has given us divine “bread” that our hunger may be satisfied. Many of us fail to receive the “bread” that God has prepared for us because we have turned to other foods that often does not satisfy.

And let us say that we do appreciate the"divine bread" that God gives us as many of us committed Christians do because we realise that only He can satisfy our hunger, we may also fall into another trap which my friend mentioned. We settle for "stale bread" instead of "daily bread".

When God fed the Israelites with manna in the desert, he also commanded them through Moses, “No one must keep any of it for tomorrow” (Exodus 16:19) and “Eat it today” (Exodus 16:25). God wishes to give us not just “bread” but “daily bread” and is this precisely not the prayer most of us say almost mechanically in the Lord’s Prayer every day. Why is it that we ask for “daily bread” but often settle for “stale bread”? Often, we cling on to experiences of God in the past which is an excellent thing because God has always invited His people to "remember" but we must also realise that our "remembering" should open us to the reality of the "daily bread" that God gives us. We need to realise that God is not only the God of the past but the God of our todays and He is offering you "new" bread even at this moment.

This hunger for “daily bread” is most perfectly satisfied in the Eucharist for Jesus is our true source of our satisfaction for our hunger. In the Eucharist, we experience the loving “food” preparation of God who has “prepared a body” (Hebrews 10:5) for His only Son and given Him as “real food” (John 6:55) to us. God Himself feeds us with Himself in Jesus. And this is not just a historical event that happened 2000 years ago that we merely recall with some sentimentality. The Eucharist is not merely a historical event which has become "stale bread", that is no longer relevant or unappetizing. It is our "daily bread" because Jesus comes to meet us everyday of our lives with all the pains and joys each day carries with it and He becomes food for us in ever "new" ways every day.

Yet, it is no surprise that some say, “we are sick of this unsatisfying food” (Numbers 21:5) even at the Eucharist. What then are we hungering for? What better food do we desire? Maybe, it is high time we start understanding our hunger more instead of complaining about the “food”.

Vocation Retreat files

2009-08-08T21:16:00.003+08:00

Dear people of the Lord,

My humblest apologies for the delay in getting the below files to you. Here are the links.

1. Quotes from St John Vianney (Fr Val)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=VB887OFW

2. Vocation Discernment Slides (Sr Susay)
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=8FSASJAU

My apologies once again. Do let me know if you having trouble downloading them.

God Bless
Br Cornelius

Called to be a Christian Hero (By Bro Joseph Zhang)

2009-08-05T20:38:00.003+08:00

Scripture Reading: Acts 7:54-60 “The Stoning Of Stephen”

There are many heroes and heroines in the world history who worked and even sacrificed their lives for the welfare of their countries and for the welfare of the people. In the Church history, there are also many heroes and heroines who laboured and sacrificed their lives for the kingdom of God. They are the martyrs and the saints.

Stephen, the first martyr, was stoned to death for his belief and for his preaching of the truth. For the sake of God’s kingdom, Stephen faced his accusers’ grinding teeth. He was struck by the stones. However, he did not curse them. Instead he put faith in God and prayed for them that the Lord may not hold this sin against them.

By the water of baptism, we have received God’s grace and mission. We are called to continue to establish, to bring the Kingdom of God to fulfillment. We are called to bear witness for Christ who is the truth. We are also called to sacrifice for the kingdom. Each one of us is called to be a hero. In the process of doing so, we are bound to face oppositions and difficulties. We may not face the gnashing teeth of rage and the flying hard stones but the suffering faces and the constant and the various needs of the people. Our sacrifice for God’s kingdom may not be in the form of shedding blood. But we are called to sacrifice our time, our pleasure and comfort for the people of God.

“A boy doesn’t have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn’t like pie when he sees there isn’t enough to go around.” ------- Edgar Watson Howe

Therefore, let us ask ourselves:
1. Am I aware of the needs and the difficulties of the people that I encounter?
2. Do feel the thirst and hear the cry of the people of God?
3. What is God calling me to do?
4. What have I done for the people of God?
5. What should I do for their physical and spiritual wellbeing?
6. Am I generous and brave enough to use the talents that God has give me to serve his people?

Half-way mark.....

2009-06-16T20:08:00.005+08:00

Have you gone to work in the morning, knowing that the smell that will greet you at the workplace is the smell of excrement? Well, this is what nurses experience almost every other day. Things that we often take for granted.... like the clean residents at an aged home, the sanitized smell of the place etc... if only people know the work that the staff do behind the scene.

How fast, it is already pass the halfway mark for my pastoral exposure at St Joseph's Home. I am really edified by the staff and residents here. First the residents...... there are many who are disadvantaged (in moving about, eating on their own, passing motion etc) and yet they still have a bright outlook in life, accepting their conditions and choosing to make the best of it. Every morning when I report for 'work', I am always greeted by warm smiles and wishes of "Good Morning!" from the residents. This really perks me up and makes a fantastic start to the day.

The dedication of the staff here is also commendable. I was told by one of them, "the old uncles and aunties here need to go for their exercise every day. Even if we are busy, we must still help them." What commitment! I feel the hardest thing about being in the home is not the manual work but understanding the different habits of the residents and helping to make their time here a little better. (Some like a glass of water after their meals, some prefer their juice in between the spoonfuls of porridge you feed them, etc). Remembering their names and their habits. My greatest challenge... and mind you, there are some with 'interesting' habits :-P

Today is also a significant day. It is the funeral of one of the three founders of the home. Mother Elisabeth Yeo was called home with the Lord on Sunday morning and the funeral was this afternoon at the home. Fr Bill Heng preached a beautiful homily about cherishing the memories of our dear ones and it is these bits of memories that we keep in our heart. Hearing the stories that some of the other sisters shared with me, I can understand why she is so special to so many of them.

So many significant moments..... so many lessons learnt...... so many frends made.....
Really looking foward to the time remanining...... now for some rest and it is another busy day tomorrow......

He ain't heavy, he's my.... brother, sister, father, mother, grandpa, grandma... (all of the above)...

2009-06-03T19:54:00.007+08:00

Thanks to Bro Jude for the update! Yup! We have finished our 1st semester examinations and out of the 8 Singaporeans, 4 of them are on their 30-day retreat. This June, Bro Edward and myself will be on our pastoral attachment, Bro Edward in Church of St Francis Xavier, and myself at St Joseph's Home.

I have just finished my 3rd day here and what a learning experience it has been so far. I really admire the passion and commitment the staff here have for the residents, especially in coping with the more "hard to handle" ones.
Simple things that we have often taken for granted like standing up and eating are not so easy for some of the residents to do.
Well, with 27 day more to go, I continue to pray that the staff will continue to persevere in this vocation of being a care-giver and may the Lord protect them, especially in this H1N1 time. May the Lord also watch over the residents here and all the dependent people all over the world.
Now to get some rest and looking forward to another day...... :-)

Supporting Our Brothers in Prayer

2009-06-01T15:09:00.003+08:00

Its been almost 6 months since I last contributed to our blog here at Kampung Punggol. How time flies...

I am currently on my Regency Year at the Church of the Holy Spirit in Upper Thomson Road and its been a wonderful time of grace living and working with God's People. That explains why I have been unable to contribute very much to our blog in recent times... :)

Nevertheless, I figure that this would be an appropriate time that I make a little contribution to Kampung Punggol blog because half of our Singaporean Seminarians have started their 30-day retreat today which would mean that there wouldn't be many people to man this site.

Bro Samuel Lim, Bro Alphonsus Raj, Bro Benedict Chng & Bro Jovita Ho have just begun their 30-day retreat today. That means 4 out of the 8 Singaporean Seminarians will be out of action for the next one month so I seek your understanding if you do not find our blog updated as frequently as we would like to. Bro Joseph Zhang CDD will also be making his 30-day retreat with the 4 of our brothers and we urge all of you our readers to keep these 5 brothers of ours in your prayers.

The 30-day retreat is a defining moment in the life of each seminarian and it is the time when we enter into a time of intense prayer to seek God's affirmation of our vocations and I am sure our 5 brothers would be very appreciative of your prayers for them in this time.

Thank you very much.....Let us pray....

Visit of His Excellency Archbishop Salvatore Pennacchio to Kampong Punggol.

2009-04-26T20:44:00.011+08:00

Hi readers,

Easter greetings to you. Finally my brudders twisted my arm in penning down my thoughts after “taking cover” for such a long time. I had to agree under duress ‘cos this kampong ain’t big enough for me to hide anymore. Lately, the forest that surrounds our turf are been removed, making way for urban development and hence the insects and other forest creatures are migrating to our homeland. Hey, do let me know your thoughts after reading my post ok?

A week before the “nuncio” visit, we were informed by our Rector that His Excellency Salvatore Pennacchio will be visiting the seminary the day after celebrating the anniversary of the Pontificate of Pope Benedict XVI on the 19^th April at the Cathedral. Needless to say, our brothers were excited and thus put our voices together in welcoming “the nuncio” on early Monday morning. He seems very well pleased with our Latino number “Vivat” ( Which means “Long live to him!” ).

After celebrating the Eucharist with us, the “nuncio” had the pleasure in sinking his teeth into our standard Kampong breakfast spread ie Loti-kaya toast with choice of eggs and our home made Kopi-tarek with option of orange juice on the side to flush down the kaya which may have difficulty sliding down. If you are around our premises, you may want to swing by and Kopi is on us. ( Please call prior to visit ). I found the “nuncio” a very friendly warm person whom you can be yourself… really! He left after breakfast and class resumed.

O yeah, just in case those who are wondering the meaning of nuncio. Well, he a diplomatic representative of the Pope having ambassadorial status. Nuncio is an ecclesiastical diplomatic title, derived from the ancient Latin word, Nuntius, meaning "envoy”. His mission is general, embracing all the interests of the Holy See; his office is permanent, requiring the appointment of a successor when one incumbent is recalled, and his mission includes both diplomatic and ecclesiastical powers. Nuncios, in the strict sense of the word, first appeared in the sixteenth century. The office, however, was not created at any definite moment or by any one papal ordinance, but gradually developed under the influence of various historical factors into the form in which we find it in the sixteenth century. I think I may have gone a little overboard on the “defi” of nuncio…

Till my next post, may the peace and love of Christ remain with you always.

Shalom my friends,

Benster

Meeting my first Malaysian Fellow-Seminarian

2009-04-25T21:14:00.007+08:00

Above: Br Greg and Johnston;

Below : Br Greg with a Patrician Alumni Shaun Koh and present student Russell.

In the late morning of 7 January 2009, I packed my luggage and checked into the St Francis Xavier's Major Seminary here in Punggol, Singapore. The place was quiet as most seminarians were not back from their End-of-the-Year vacation. As I entered the Seminarians' Residence, the first seminarian I met was Br Gregory Chan. As soon as I introduced myself to him, I was touched by his brotherliness. First, he offered to help me carry my luggage even though he was new here having arrived the night before. Next, he made the connection with me by informing me that he is an alumni of two Lasallian Schools in Malaysia and was among the first batch of students Br. Michael Kum [a La Salle Brother now teaching in St Francis Institution, Malacca] taught in La Salle Petaling Jaya in Malaysia.
Since then I waited for the opportunity to bring Br Greg to visit Lasallian Schools in Singapore and thank God the opportunity came recently on Easter Monday. Being a staunch supporter of St Patrick's School, I could wait no longer to bring him there besides introducing him to our beautiful and unique Katong area. Yes, we tried Katong Laksa and I mean the original one. But our Original Tau-Kwa Pau stall was closed on Monday and so was Chin Mee Chin coffee shop. Saving the best for the last, we entered St Patrick's School. The best part of St Patrick's was the good will and friendliness of the students. It was nice to see the connections so easily made between the Patricians and our visiting Lasallian Seminarian. Br. Greg then inspired interests in music among the students when he put his hands on the piano.
I thank Patricians for their good will and to Br Greg for his inspiring and passionate Brotherhood.
The Lord has risen, it is true! Live in Him need all we do, Alleluia!

2009-04-21T21:45:00.004+08:00

Dear brothers,

Grace, Peace and Joy our Risen Lord Jesus Christ be with you!

Our Annual Vocation Retreat 2009 is about a month away (15th to 17th May 2009) and registration is now open. This is the main Vocation Discernment event for the year and we hope that you will be able to join us. The details of the Retreat is as mentioned in the poster attached. As places are limited, please do register with us as soon as possible so as to avoid disappointment.

You are encouraged to sign up through the priests of your parish but if you have your reasons for preferring not to do so, you may also sign up directly with us by emailing us your details and we will forward you the application form.

Please also help us forward this message to your single, male, Catholic friends aged 18 years old and above who you think may also be interested in exploring the possibilities of a priestly call in their life. Registration closes on 10 May 2009 so we look forward to hearing from you before that.

Thank you very much. We are certainly praying that you will be able to join us and that we will all have a grace-filled time with the Lord together.

The Lord is Risen!!

2009-04-11T09:00:00.007+08:00

After 40 day of fasting, prayer and alms-giving,

the day awaited is here.
They praised, and condemned and crucified
our Lord Jesus, our dear.
But now he is in the tomb no more
suffered and died for us he did.
Death he has conquered, our sin washed clean
by his passion, his selfless feat.
Now resurrected, and at the Father's right
victorious and in majesty he stands.
With us always, to the end of time
watching over us. Amen! Amen!

A Blessed Easter to all !!!

We are going green... not with envy but eco-friendly!

2009-03-31T21:25:00.003+08:00

Wow! We just had a long community meeting amongst the students and I can say it was a fruitful meeting. One of the directives we had chosen to take is in line with what we did last Saturday (29th Mar 09). You might have read in the news that globally, people everywhere switched off their light for an hour.

You guessed it. We, in the seminary, did the same, switching off our non-essential lighting for an hour too. In addition, we prayed a rosary for the needs of the world.

In addition, at today's meeting, we have decided to have our categorized waste bins for paper, plastic bottles and aluminum cans. Though this is a small start to out eco-friendly effort, it is still a start nonetheless. It is said that a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I do pray and hope that the efforts of the community to conserve energy and be green continue on.

With this, let us remember our brothers and sisters who are deprived of their basic need because of one reason or another, and also pray that the people of the world maybe more concerted in their efforts to make the world a better place.

Remember the three 'R's
REDUCE ! REUSE ! RECYCLE !

Reflections of the Seminarians' Retreat '09 (By Bro Joseph Zhang)

2009-03-31T21:16:00.003+08:00

I Saw Jesus in him

We, the seminarians of St. Francis Xavier Major Seminary, have just finished our one week silent annual retreat under the guidance of Fr. Paul Goh (the assistant parish priest of the Church of St. Vincent de Paul). The things that touched me most during this retreat were: his familiarity with the word of God, his trust and reliance on God, and his humility. God allowed me to encounter Him by seeing Jesus in his priest.

In his introduction to the retreat, Fr. Paul Goh shared with us that when the seminary Father approached him and asked him to be the retreat master for this year he accepted the invitation and took it up as a challenge. He told us that he was only the loudspeaker of God in this retreat; the real retreat master is the Holy Spirit.

Many times during the retreat he told us that he did not know what to talk to us. He shared with us that before each talk he would spend long time in prayer asking God for inspiration and for guidance on the message that God wants him to speak to us. Jokingly he would tell us that all the things he talked were freshly cooked. Because of his trust and dependence on God each time he could share with us enthusiastically and with conviction. And his words were able to touch me.

What he shared with us was full of wisdom based on the scripture and his years of pastoral experience. He was very familiar with the scripture and many of the words that he spoke were from the word of God though he could not point out the exact books, chapters and verses that they are from. His frequent quotations of the word of God and his sharing of his pastoral experiences were like rain drops falling on and refreshing our hearts. “As the rain and snow come down from the heavens and do not return without watering the earth, making it yield and giving growth to provide seed for the sower and bread for the eating, so the word that goes from my mouth does not return to me empty…” (Is 55:10-11) Fr Paul’s quotation of the word of God also spoke a lot to me.

In different occasions, Fr. Paul talked about the importance of humility. He always told us not to be proud, “For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled but the man who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Lk 18:14) Again on humility he quoted, “My son, be gentle in carrying out your business, and you will be better loved than a lavish giver. The greater you are, the more you should behave humbly, and then you will find favour with the Lord; for great though the power of the Lord is, he accepts the homage of the humble.” (Sir 3:17-20) Fr. Paul also told us that humility will make one sane and approachable. He not only talked about the virtue of humility to us, he lived it out.

He also shared with us the lesson he learnt as a priest by exhorting us, “Always live in the presence of God, prepare a sermon with prayer, read the word of God again and again and soak in it, proclaim the word of God and live out what we proclaim with faith, obedience, and humility.”

Although his talks were not very thematic in content he was very inspiring. On the fourth day of the retreat, I went as usual for the afternoon session. He started to talk. I did not know why but I sensed strongly God’s presence in him. I see Jesus living in him. I said to myself, “God is alive. There are holy priests in Singapore.” I praise God for this wonderful gift. I pray that all of us can be another Christ and live out the God-image in us by growing in Christ-likeness.

Vespers Reflection - Psalter Week 1 - Tuesday - First Week of Lent

2009-03-03T08:39:00.003+08:00

Sometime I am asked the question, "Jo, do you trust God?", and almost immediately and unreservedly I would answer, "Of course I do!" Yet today whilst reflecting on Psalms 19 and 20 which speaks of the king's trust in God, I come to realize that inasmuch as that trust in God is seemingly a given, the real question that begs to be asked is, "When do I start trusting God?" or in another word, bluntly put, is, "When do i start letting go and allow God to take control?"

The kings of old in Psalms 19 and 20 placed their trust and certitude in God, and we too are invited to trust in God, and yes, sometimes we fear where this trust is leading us to, because it seems almost unknown and deep down somewhere in our hearts, we still want to be in control.

Sometimes I know where God is leading me to, but most of the time I do not know where this trust is leading me to, but I trust that God's love will lead me to where He wills and wants me to be.

Lauds Reflection - Psalter Week 1 - Tuesday - First Week of Lent

2009-03-03T05:00:00.001+08:00

We are faced with words everyday. I can see it in my little black book on which I wrote this reflection, the words on our Divine Office which we will pray soon, and later we will face even more words when we have our lectures.

In Pslam 32, we are reminded of the type of words that God brings... "The word of the Lord is faithful", "By his word the heavens were made", "He spoke and it came to be, he commanded and it sprang into being". In short, God's words are powerful, and more importantly, it is life-giving.

We too are sharers of His word, and bearers of words. Let us consider how we have used words on one another. Does our words edify our fellow brothers or does our words destroy our brothers and one another? Let us pray and strive to be sharers and bearers of life-giving words to everyone whom we encounter.

Good News for all Altar Servers !!!

2009-02-28T21:49:00.004+08:00

Calling all Altar Servers out there! Is there one among you who seems to know all the rubrics of serving the altar? Someone who sets a good example and is a model whom you can aspire to?

GOOD NEW FOR YOU!!!

The Serra Club of Singapore is have a competition for recognizing altar servers who have been exemplary in their service to the Catholic Church in Singapore. It is their way of showing their love, appreciation and encouragement for this special group of young friends of Jesus.

You can click on the posters above to bring you to their website where the details as well as the nomination form can be found.

Why are you still waiting? Go to the link, download the forms and start nominating right now! Closing date is 31st Mar 2009.

DON'T DELAY !!!

are you happy? :)

2009-02-28T15:05:00.009+08:00

We seminarians/religious/priests are often asked the question:
“Are you happy in what you do?”
And I notice that some of us, realizing the reality that we’re always overtaxed with our studies/work/ministries, and that our life as disciples is not a rosy one, tend to give this typical reply:
“Well, we may not always feel happy in the worldly understanding of happiness, but we experience joy in what we do.”

Huh? Is this just a textbook answer? Are we just covering up the pains and struggles we experience in this way of life? If not happy then say not happy lah! So diplomatic for what?

In ministries, we encounter many problems – because we feel for the people and carry in our hearts their many problems in life, and it pains us to know they’re suffering so much. As if these external sources of pains are not enough, internally we struggle with our own problems, shortcomings, inadequacies, etc. And as seminarians in formation, some of us have to juggle all that with community living and of course needless to say, the pains of assignments and exams. Now, honestly, are we really joy-full? Is this happiness?

Well, it depends how we understand the terms ‘Happiness’ and ‘Joy.’
[Disclaimer: For the sake of clarity, we use the term ‘Happiness’ in a secular sense.]

We can of course refer to the dictionary and understand the technical definitions of these terms. Or we can also ask those people who always give the typical answer above for their perspective. But since I am the one writing this blog entry, you have no choice but to bear with my understanding and perspective of these two apparently overused terms :) My sharing is in the light of my limited experience in ministries and my life in these few years of seminary formation.

My mum has always been the one responsible for the upkeep of the house, from preparing meals to the laundry and all household chores. Now, let’s say that lately she is not able to do all these because of a recent hand surgery. And let’s say I really hate doing all these household chores. Now I have 2 options before me:
1. Forget about the chores and spend my time watching TV
2. Help mum upkeep the house by doing whatever needs to be done

Now at the superficial level, I know I’d enjoy myself if I make the first choice because I love watching TV, and would be feeling miserable should I decide to choose the second option.

However, at a deeper level, if I were to choose the first option, not only would I know that my enjoyment wouldn’t last too long, but my conscience would come and haunt me. Whereas if I were to decide to help mum with the household duties, I know I’d get a sense of peace within me although doing those things was challenging and not pleasurable at all for me.

The worldly understanding of happiness can be seen in the enjoyment I get when I spend my time watching my favourite TV shows. It is something I like to do and it feels good to satisfy my desire. But this pleasure is just a short-term gratification. It may even have a counter effect, especially when our conscience kicks in like the example given above.

On the other hand, joy can be found in the deep sense of interior peace and assurance I get when I help my mum with the household chores. I may not enjoy doing those things, but the consolation I experience is profound and lasting. It’s not a matter of doing the right thing, but a matter of being true to my identity as a son.

This analogy may be too simplistic, but I hope it helps us distinguish a bit clearer the difference between real joy and superficial happiness. I’m not saying that by being true disciples of Christ, whether lay or otherwise, we will not have a happy and enjoyable life. But if our Master himself doesn’t have a proper place to rest [cf Mt 8:20, Lk 9:58], who are we to ask for more? If this was a musical, I’m quite certain that Jesus would be singing, “I beg your pardon? I’ve never promised you a rose garden!”

My emphasis here is not whether we will suffer or be happy. What is more important is that as long as we are faithful to our identity and be the person we’re called to be, we will experience real joy, one that the world cannot give. This is what keeps most of us going and smiling :)

So are you joy-filled in what you do?
Or are you merely happy?

Reflections on Psalm 42

2009-02-28T13:31:00.004+08:00

"Like the dear that yearns for running streams, so my soul is yearning for you, my God.

My soul is thirsting for God, the God of my life; when can I enter and see the face of God?

My tears have become my bread, by night, by day, as I hear it said all the day long: 'Where is your God?'

These things will I remember as I pour out my soul; how I would lead the rejoicing crowd into the house of God, amid cries of gladness and thanksgiving, the throng wild with joy.

Why are you cast down my soul, why groan within me? Hope in God; I will praise him still, my saviour and my God.

My soul is cast down within me as I think of you, from the country of Jordan and Mount Hermon, from the Hill of Mizar.

Deep is calling on deep, in the roar of waters: your torrents and all your waves swept over me.

By day the Lord will send his loving kindness; by night I will sing to him, praise the God of my life.

I will say to God, my rock: 'Why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning oppressed by the foe?'

With cries that pierce me to the heart, my enemies revile me, saying to me all the day long: 'Where is your God?'

Why are you cast down my soul, why groan within me? Hope in God; I will praise him still, my saviour and my God."

___________________________________________________________________

Memories have two purposes. It either reminds us of the good times that had since past and thus reinvigorating us in the present, or it reminds us from repeating past mistakes and thus preventing a perpetuating of errors. Both way, memory is good and it is a gift from God.

In Psalm 42, the Levite (who is in exile in Babylon) recalls the wonders that God had done despite him being in a state of desolateness, and how in that recalling of past memories, it made him cry out in hope despite the hopelessness that was presented before him. It must have taken tremendous amount of faith for the Levite to cry out in such situation, and most of us would greet his hope with wonder and amazement!

Are we able to recall the wonders that God had done and are still doing in our lives? God has gifted us with memory and it is indeed a powerful tool that He had placed within us, and let us recall as the Levite did, especially during the times when the goings get rough and tough, be it in our lives, relationships, studies, work and decision makings.

God is ever near and present to us. Just call out to him! For indeed "Why are you cast down my soul, why groan within me? Hope in God: I will praise him still, my saviour and my God!"

Coincidence or a sign of Hope and Blessing.....

2009-02-13T12:43:00.004+08:00

Something happened 151 years ago......

Our Blessed Mother appeared to a young girl, Bernedette, in Lourdes, a small town in France. In our seminary, if you have noticed, we have a grotto dedicated to this aparation of Mother Mary.

Two days ago, we celebrate the memorial of Our Lady of Lourdes and there was something different at the grotto...

The flower bed (more like the grass bed) directly in front of the statue was usually with any blooms but when I went to open the main gate early in the morning, lo and behold ! I saw not one but two flowers, fully bloomed and beautiful.

Is this a coincidence or is it a sign of the confirmation of the affections and blessings of Our Lady on her seminarians here..... only you can decide..... all I can be sure is that it made my day and showed me a little glimpse of the immense beauty of the Lord.

Xin Nian Kuai Le !!!

2009-01-26T09:19:00.003+08:00

Here is wishing all visitors to our blog a
Blessed and Grace-filled Niu Year!!!

May the Golden Ox
plough through the arid areas of your life
so that the living water of Christ
may irrigate it and bring abundance of life!!

They died... so did Christ...

2009-01-13T22:10:00.006+08:00

Goodday to all reading this post. In my earlier post, I mentioned I was in Cambodia in the December holidays. We managed to squeeze some time to visit the Tuol Sleng Genocide Museum (Former Khmer Rouge S21 Prison).

This was previously a school and the Khmer Rouge converted it into a prison for the torture and interrogation of prisoners for information. As many as 10,000 adults perished in this place, not counting the children also held here. It is hard to imagine an institute for learning would become a place where many innocent people lost their lives to the torture and harsh living conditions.

As I was walking through the place, looking at the exhibits and the mug-shots of the detained, I was reflecting on the passion and the death of Christ. These thousands of innocent Cambodians lost their lives in a power hungry and mindless regime. They died a horrible death, for some of them. They were detained against their will and tried to escape but had not much place to run to.

On the other hand, the Christ we worship gave up his Divine nature and chose to be with us, mere humans, living our lives, sharing our meals and feeling our emotions. When the time came, he gave himself up to be tortured and crucified on the cross, for a crime he was innocent of.

Circumstances can put us in situations we do not want, suffer under the hands of our tormentors, and even be executed. But how many of us can willingly give up our lives, knowing full well of the torture and death that we will be put through. This is the Christ we worship. This is the God who loves us so much that he will go through all that just to be the sacrificial lamb.

All I can say is, "WHAT A GREAT GOD WE HAVE !"

The most often asked question is.....

2009-01-13T15:49:00.008+08:00

Wow! This week is the first week of lessons and meeting classmates. The most exchanged greeting is "Happy New Year" and the most asked question is "How's your holidays?" My answer to the question is "Tiring but Fulfilling!"

It is definitely a tiring holiday as barely a week after the 25th Anniversary celebrations of the Seminary, I packed my bags and left for a week with the young people from my parish for a retreat in Malacca. Less than 48hrs after it ended, I was on a plane to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, for a 6-day mission trip with the ACTs (Advent Cambodia Trips) from Queen of Peace Parish. Less than a week after I returned, it is Christmas, New Year and the start of Seminary year!! See how packed it is..... Phew!

This Cambodia mission trip is the second trip orgainsed by this parish and this year, almost 120 people signed up, with young and old and even a group of youths from St Vincent de Paul parish. We had the priviledge to have Fr Erbin, Fr Joseph Yao and Fr David Garcia with us in this trip.

What did we do there? The youth planned some lessons and taught the children in some of the schools run by the Salesian Sisters. Don't know how successful they were because of the language barrier, but all of us, teachers and students, definitely enjoyed ourselves. We also helped to distribute the lunches to the students.

As you can see in the picture, it is just a simple meal of rice and soup, maybe too simple for the majority of the children in Singapore, but this is a precious meal for these children, which may be the only decent meal they get in a day. I can still remember that there was a young child crying loudly when he approached the serving table to discover that the rice had finished. He must have thought that there was no more rice for him. Thankfully the kitchen had prepared more than enough for everyone.

I joined them for the lunch as well and though it was a simple meal, it was one of the best meals I had, and it really tasted good. The simple things in life......

Besides the teaching, there were also games planned. Hey! These are youths you know... young people with tremendous amount of energy...

The adults on the trip were busy for the first few days packing goodie bags for the children to be given during the Christmas Party and also some basic necessities (like rice, sugar, soap, canned food etc) for the poor villagers.

You can see some of the villagers queuing up to receive their 'goodie' bag as well. There was really a lot of hard work involved if you know the number of bags that were packed.

We also went to the Jesuit Vocational Training School and the Missionaries of Charity Home for HIV infected children and distributed some of the of the goodie bags to them.

Some of the children were so excited in receiving the presents that they opened them and enjoyed themselves with the contents immediately, as can be seen in the above snapshot.

We were also brought around to visit a small village.

The villagers have no tap water and relied on a pond filled with lotus plants, for their water needs. They will get water from this pond for their drinking and cooking. How fortunate for us to get drinkable water straight with a turn of our taps.

Was there mention of a Christmas party for the children? You remembered right. The School organised a Christmas party for the children and they put up performances and of course, the Singapore youths put up some items as well. There was also Santa Clause who was flew over all the way from Singapore! Don't really recognise him but he looks suspiciously familiar though...

Finally, here is a picture of part of the mural painted by the youths from Singapore.

Remember that Jesus is always waiting to welcome us into his arms like little children.

For more pictures, you can visit my FaceBook page to view them.

Blessed are those who keep ...

2008-12-24T13:58:00.003+08:00

There are many other beatitudes besides the eight that we traditional refer to when we say “Beatitudes”. One which strike a chord with me as a formator is from the Gospel of Luke:

As he said this, a woman in the crowd raised her voice and said to him, “Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts that you sucked!” But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” (Luke 11:27-28)

There were a few people who asked to speak to me because they were thinking about the priesthood. I was surprised when they told me that they did not pray. If they did not pray, how could they claim that they were called by God? Yet, I understand that God can work in any way he wills. However, to enter into the discernment process, prayer is very important. Here, I am not referring to spiritual activity confined solely to praying the rosary and saying traditional formula prayers. Prayer should include the rosary, the stations of the cross and other traditional spiritual and devotional activity. However, to discern, these are not enough. Here is where this Lucan beatitude comes in. We need to pray using scripture as guide. We need to meditate and contemplate on the Word. Only then can we keep the Word of God that we hear. This beatitude also describes our Blessed Lady perfectly as St. Luke himself notes that Mary noticed these things and kept them in her heart (2:19,51) Mary pondered the things she kept in her heart. Although we had not had the opportunity to experience Jesus as Mary did, we still have the opportunity to keep and ponder the Word in our hearts.

It rings a bell......

2008-12-23T11:53:00.004+08:00

It is good to be back and good to be blogging again. I apologize for the late post for this event. Well, after about 2 weeks away from Singapore, here is the update of the 25th Anniversry Mass and Dinner Celebration for the St Francis Xavier Major Seminary.

Although the Nuncio could not be here to celebrate this joyous occasion with us, he still sent us his congratulatory message (yup! the one that was posted earlier). We also received the apostolic blessing from the Holy Father, which was presented to our Rector, Fr William Goh, by His Grace Archbishop Nicholas Chia.

After the Eucharistic Celebration at the Church of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we proceeded to the school next door, CHIJ Our Lady of the Nativity, for the celebratory dinner. You can see our Rector, together with our Bishop and the head of the Celebrations Committee cutting the birthday cake!

Next... here is something that rings a bell..... ermm.... may bells actually. We, the seminarians, decided to put up some items for the dinner and one of them was this 'Bell Orchestra' performance. We were coached by Damien Lim, from the Ministry of Bells, and did two mean Christmas Carols. Guess you got to be there to hear the sweet sound of music..... it is still ringing in my ears..... *wink*

For a more casual performance, there was also a dance item put up by 6 of our brothers. Check out the cool costumes we had. This really gave the audience much comic relief.

Finally, we definitely need to thank the Good Lord for blessing us with 25 years of graces to be forming the future priests of the Church. I am confident the Lord will bless us with many more years to come......

Let us all journey towards our Mission to
PROCLAIM THE GLORY OF THE LORD
AS TEACHERS, MINISTERS & LEADERS.

Persecution and Discernment

2008-12-23T10:30:00.004+08:00

The eighth beatitude is:

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Mt 5:10-12)

A Christian is called, in this beatitude, to be a sort of counter witness to the anti-Christian values that pervade the world. As a counter witness, we would be persecuted. A priest is called to play that role more earnestly as a service to the Christians that he pastors. Thus, persecutions of the kind mentioned would come more intensely to the priest.

Often the persecutions we receive play a part in the discerning a vocation. We might have many ideals and be very willing to suffer injustices for the Lord. However, there is also a reality that we might be discouraged by these things we suffer. The key is not to desire something noble like suffering for Christ. The most important thing in discerning the call is to see what God wants. The Lord might want us to be in a situation where there is no real suffering at all. Our discernment is not choosing to become an exemplary Christian by our own efforts. Our discernment should lead us to the knowledge of God's will and then obey this will. Of course, the life of a priest would include many instances of persecution and misunderstanding. We need to be aware of this. However, this beatitude should lead us to consider that the call is more important than the consequences of following the call. Most people who do things for Christ’s sake would be able to understand that it is not the consequences of following Christ that are important but the fact that we follow Christ. Similarly, our discernment should not focus on whether what kind of priesthood we would live but whether we are called. There would be those who choose to enter the seminary because they have seen the standard of priests in our churches and want to improve the quality of priests. Whilst this should be a consideration during formation, it should not be a condition during discernment.

Peacemakers

2008-12-22T13:18:00.006+08:00

The seventh beatitude is:

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. (Mt 5:9)

Peace in the Hebrew sense means wholeness; the Hebrew word is shalom. To be a peacemaker is to be one who provides the environment where God can give this shalom. This state of shalom is the original state of humanity at the point of creation. When we sinned, we lost this completeness, shalom. Thus, when we do reach this completeness we becomes like Adam — a son of God. Jesus came to restore this shalom to humanity. Thus, if we are able to provide the environment where shalom can be reached, we participate in what Jesus, the Son of God, did and we are also called “sons of God”.

When discerning a vocation, we should seek this shalom that God provides. Many people confuse this with the idea of ‘fulfilment’. ‘Fulfilment’ is what one feels about that which completes their being or purpose in life. Shalom is the completeness that God gives. Many people feel fulfilled when they achieve something they set out to do in life. That should not be a motivation for discerning a vocation. A vocation is God’s call to a state of life. It is not an achievement. We may feel contented when we answer God’s call, but it is not a sense of fulfilment that we feel, it is shalom that comes from God. Furthermore, this feeling is only one possible expression of shalom. The true sense of shalom is the knowledge that God has made us whole. Unfortunately, as sinners, it is not probable that we would have the sense of shalom continuously. This sense may be a feeling or an inner knowledge. We can sense or know, from within ourselves, that when we answer the Lord’s call, God completes us. That would be a description of what many people mean when they say, “The moment I said my ‘yes’ to the Lord, I felt peace.”

Pure in Heart

2008-12-21T10:00:00.004+08:00

The sixth beatitude is:

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Mt 5:8)

We gauge how pure something is by judging how clear it is. This is especially true for water. When someone mentions pure water, we think of clear clean water, with no cloudiness or particles, even though the water may have something dissolved in it. In the same vein, someone who is “pure in heart” can be considered as one whose heart is clear. As we view the spiritual things more from the heart, someone who is “pure in heart” can see spiritual things clearly. He/She can see God clearly. As Christ says that he is Truth itself (see Jn 14:6), a person who is “pure in heart” is able to see the truth.

This is so important in discernment. Discernment requires us to seek the truth that comes from God. When I am discerning the vocation to the diocesan priesthood, being “pure in heart” is important. By clearing my heart of all impurities, i.e. those things that keep me from seeing God clearly, I will be able to discover his will for me. I would need to purify my heart of love before I enter the process of discernment so that I will not be clouded by doubts, worldy distractions and personal ambitions.

Mercy on the Merciful

2008-12-20T19:01:00.007+08:00

The fifth beatitude is:

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” (Mt 5:7)

According to the online Catholic Encyclopedia, Mercy is said to be “a virtue influencing one’s will to have compassion for, and, if possible, to alleviate another’s misfortune.” If I were to put it in simpler terms, mercy is a habit (virtue) that has two functions:

stirs one to have compassion for another person’s misfortune or misery

motivates one to try to help remove the other person’s misfortune or misery

As mercy controls relations between two distinct people, it must also be linked to charity.

In discernment, we need a merciful heart. a heart that is habitually charitable and feels with the misfortune and misery of others. One of the reasons which many people are asked to pray for more vocations is that we have a shortage of priests and religious in the world. When making our discernment, we would need to ask if we are truly aware of the plight of our brothers and sisters in the Church due to the shortage of priests and religious. As the first function of the virtue of mercy suggests, we need to have compassion for those who experience this shortage. However, we should not volunteer ourselves for priesthood or religious life just because we feel pity for the situation. The virtue of mercy should motivate us to try to help remove this lack of vocations. If we have the call, then the virtue of mercy would motivate us to answer the call sincerely. If we do not have the call, then we would be motivated to promote vocations rather than ‘sacrifice’ ourselves.

While we can say that the priestly vocation (or any vocation, even marriage for that matter) requires a certain amount of sacrifice, it is primarily the sacrifice of our wills to the will of God. All other things that we give up, like an exclusive relationship with someone and a family, are not really sacrifices if we see them as choosing what God knows is best for us.

Even if we are not sure yet if God is calling us, we need to have that habit or virtue of mercy to help others in need. When we are in need, especially the need to know whether we have a call, then God would show us his mercy and indicate to us his loving plan.

Righteousness

2008-12-19T10:50:00.011+08:00

The fourth beatitude is:

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” (Mt 5:6)

Picture from Wikimedia. It is in the Public Domain.

Some verses down from the Beatitudes, Jesus talks about righteousness:

… unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. (Mt 5:20)

To “exceed” here does not merely mean “more severe” or “stricter”. It means to “go beyond”. We have to reach a higher or deeper level than what the Pharisees and the scribes taught. The Pharisees and the scribes were learned men whose faults lay in their inability to go beyond what was solely on the human level. Thus, we should hunger for the righteousness that properly belongs to God.

In discernment, we weigh our options. We see a similar image with Lady Justice with her scales. Unlike the physical scales we use in the world, which weigh quantitatively, we weigh that which are qualitative. We have the Lord’s will on one pan and our actions on the other side. Is what I am doing right now what the Lord wills of me? Could my willfulness be tipping the scales, causing it to be unbalanced? When Jesus speaks of those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, He is speaking of those who truly seek God’s will. Even though our actions may be exactly what the Lord wills but if there is a little self-centredness or self-interest added, the scales will tip. When we want what God wants because we love Him, the scales will remain balanced. When we only do what God wants because “there is something in it for me”, then the scales will not be balanced. Whilst being the imperfect creatures that we are, the scales cannot be always perfectly balanced, we still have to try our best, submitting to the grace of God.