Is Silence Golden? Part II

We arrive at the week that ends with the Vocation Discernment Retreat. When one hears the word retreat, we think a lot about going off somewhere to re-charge. Most large corporate companies finance retreats for their employees so that they can be renewed and refreshed before returning to work. From a religious point of view, a retreat often brings about images of peace and quiet time for prayer.

I often look upon a retreat in its original meaning. To retreat means to withdraw. The English word is taken from an old French word retret. It is a noun derived from the Latin retrahere, which means to “pull back.” One retreats from the present situation (which is normally difficult or uncomfortable) to another (more relaxed) situation. So, for most of us who are filled with activity and noise, we retreat into a more secluded place where activity and noise are minimum. Retreats, for many of us, are times when we can be in a slient place to commune with God. However, here comes a little problem: the place may be silent and serene, but we aren’t in our minds.

Here in Kampung Ponggol, we have a generally silent atmosphere during prayer times. However, we may or may not be in a prayerful disposition. Sometimes, we are tired after an exceptionally tiring night of studying and we fall asleep during meditation in the morning. Thus, our prayer time is reduced. What’s worse, I think, is when we keep silent but we start processing data in our minds, especially data that has nothing to do with prayer.

In the traditional form of Christian prayer of lectio divina, our minds are pretty active. It’s when we enter into contemplatio that we are able to let our minds slow down and allow God’s presence to fill us. What’s more … God’s presence usually comes in the silence:

And he said, “Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice. And when Eli'jah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. (I Kgs 19:11-13, RSV)

Thus, it is a good practice for priests and seminarians here at Kampung Ponggol to have a way of getting into interior silence before we enter into the exterior silence that punctuates the various parts of the day. I remember that, as a seminarian, I used to take a small pair of gardening shears and snip away stray branches of some of our hedge shrubs when I was cooling down after games. It helped me to keep all other thoughts away, especially the frustration of how badly I played the game of volleyball or how I could have let that ball slip away. I focused on the trimming for about 15 minutes and would be a good silent frame of mind as I cleaned up and prepared for Vespers. I was misunderstood by a formator who asked me not to waste time doing gardening. I prayed about explaining to him but discerned that he would not really understand and chose to obey instead. I had to look for other ways to calm down and get into the silence.

Holy Hour is a very special time. I remember a parish priest remarking to me that most lay people did not understand the silence of the Holy Hour and so he attempted to fill up the hour with hymns and guided reflections. I did not question the priest as I felt that he would understand his parishioners better than I did; he was, after all, a holy and beloved priest. However, in the seminary, Holy Hour should only have a hymn to set the tone of the adoration and then, perhaps, a passage from scripture, to focus our minds on God. We have seminarians taking turns to lead in Holy Hour. The last thing any seminarian should do is to fill the whole hour with music and vocal reflections. I remember that during my time as a seminarian, we had one Holy Hour where someone used New Age Music, complete with crickets and birds, to keep us in the meditative mood! I remember that it didn’t help me to keep the hour holy.

As future priests in the parishes, seminarians should learn to cultivate the love of silence. The parish has no lack of activity if a priest was willing to look for it. However, even within the parish, the sanctuary of the church or chapel as a temporary refuge from the hustle and bustle of parish work is a definite welcome. I remember Fr. Peter Lu who “retreated” to the church every morning between nine and ten. Even five minutes of silence in the office between appointments could be a good time to recharge one’s spiritual batteries. God grants us, priests, grace to help whoever comes to us. The short periods of silence would help us not to forget that.

So, at Kampung Ponggol, we keep a practice of keeping the silence, so that when we are immersed in activity, we can still find the silence to allow God, in his small voice, to speak to us. We would be able to listen inside even when we are bombarded with noise outside.

PS: If you’re interested in lectio divina, click on this link to St. Andrew’s Abbey or their page on lectio divina here.

Is Silence Golden? Part I

Picture: Chapel at St. Peter's College, Kuching

In the seminary, there should be silence after nine in the evening. Of course, as seminarians are adults, formators don’t go around shh-ing whenever there is some sound. Formators trust that fraternal correction among seminarians would be enough to maintain the atmosphere of silence at night, especially after half past ten when some of us go to sleep and others need the silence to pray or study. Unlike the Carthusians, the formators do not demand absolute silence. We recognise that sometimes, we need to borrow something from next door or ask a question about something we were reading at the moment. The general quiet atmosphere should be maintained nonetheless.

As Singaporeans, we live in an atmosphere where sound is not a stranger. For most of us who live in HDB estates, there could be still quite a bit of traffic before midnight. The relative silence of the early morning could be pierced by an occasional passing car or motorcycle. For those of us who live in residential estates that are not part of public bus routes, traffic noise is not so prevalent but the sound of air-conditioners that hum inside and outside the house can still be heard.

Noise is so much part of life in Singapore that there are some students who would not be able to study without listening to music. It may be a common feature that students watch TV and do their homework at the same time. Some parents would ensure that this is a discipline that their children would not have, and insist that the TV is switched off until the homework is done. However, I think that no one would disagree that Singaporeans live in a generally noisy environment. Even if home is a quiet sanctuary, the time we spend outside the home at work, school or campus is filled with sound, if not noise. I am also sure that a significant number of Singaporeans look forward to some quiet every day. Thus, I believe that the seminarians are quite privileged because there are moments of silence inserted into the schedule that they keep.

Generally, we wake up, still encompassed in the general silence of the previous night. As far as possible, the first sound we utter is the praise we give to the Lord at Lauds. Father Rector breaks the silence with, “Lord open our lips.” The rest of us respond, “And we shall praise Your Name.” After morning praise, or Lauds, we enter into silent meditation. That silence is broken by the Entrance Hymn for Mass on most mornings. Otherwise we go to the refectory for breakfast. At breakfast, the exterior silence ceases as we enter into fellowship. The next time we become quiet again as a community is the five minutes we spend in examen before Afternoon Prayer. It is usually quite quiet when many of us take a siesta or nap after lunch. At about three we begin our afternoon’s studies and work. Community Games in the late afternoon once a week is normally boisterous. We enter into prayerful silence once again before Evening Prayer or Vespers. Many of us will already be in the Chapel twenty minutes before Vespers. Every Sunday evening, there would be at least 40 minutes of Silent Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament. We also keep a community Holy Hour on another day of the week.

Although it seems like to be minimal compared to the comtemplative religious life like the Carmelite sisters or the Carthusians, I am sure that it is helpful to us at the seminary to have these periods of quiet time.

Part II coming up!

Story of a silly spider

There was a spider in the seminary. It was about as big as my little finger and built its web in the palm tree, held up by its swaying branches. Every day, I would make a point to pass by and visit this new ‘tenant’. A big and sturdy web it did build, at least about 2 feet wide. After a course of a few days, with the strong winds and rain, the web was damaged till it is only about the size of the palm of a child, held up by a few strands of webbings. Every time there would be a breeze, the web would sway and look as though it would collapse any time. Sometimes, I even wonder if the spider still remained on the web or will it be blown away should a strong breeze comes along. I wondered if it were dead but its little movements of the legs convinced me otherwise.

I was thinking to myself, what a fool this spider is. It can build it web among the strong branches of the trees nearby (there were two more big webs with equally big spiders in the forest nearby). Why stay and be subjected to the elements of the weather in the never still branches of the palm tree. I was in fact looking to the day when I would just see the remnants of the web with the new ‘tenant’ gone.

What a surprise I had one day. It has rebuilt a web. A stronger and sturdier web in the same palm tree. It is no longer as shaky as the first web. I was happy for the ‘tenant’.

This caused me to reflect deeply into my own life. God builds a web in my life, though how shaky it is. As the rigors and distractions of everyday matters come along, the web is worn down till all that remain are just a few strands. But God hangs on to us, in the heart of all things, waiting for the calm to come again where he will build another web to hold it all together again. A stronger, sturdier web…. Only if we find time to calm and let him work. This is the Love of Jesus. Never letting go, always hanging on, even though it may look useless and futile. I should always find the calm to let him build his web of love in my life.