Find. Hide. Sell. Buy.

"Jesus said to the crowds: 'The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field which someone has found; he hides it again, goes off happy, sells everything he owns and buys the field.'"

(Matthew 13:44)

I relate most to this first parable of today's Gospel reading when I 'stumbled' upon God's call for me to the priestly vocation during a diocesan vocation retreat 4 years ago. I remember staring at my 'treasure' in disbelief and shock, yet at the same time feeling as if the missing part of my life that I have been unconsciously seeking for all my life has finally been found. The joy was so great that till today, I still cannot believe how within the span of those 3 days of retreat, I was crazy enough to make that conscious decision to give up the treasure I thought I had found in the girl of my dreams, and to 'sell' away every dream and plan of a marriage with her, just to obtain the newfound treasure that God revealed to me.

But as I reflected upon the above verse again, what struck me was why didn't the guy just keep the treasure instead of having to hide it back in the field, then go through all that trouble selling everything in order to buy that field. Then the Lord revealed His hidden answer: that treasure would not be treasure if it weren't hidden in the field (the whole purpose of calling something a treasure, no matter what it may be, suggests that it has to be precious and hidden away to be found). Similarly, heat would not be heat if not hidden in fire; love would not be love if not hidden in a relationship; a gift would not be a gift if not hidden in the giver; and the kingdom of heaven would not be so if not hidden in God Himself. In order words, a treasure won't make sense without the field; heat without fire; love without a relationship; a gift without a giver; the kingdom of heaven without God; and in my case, my priestly vocation, or any other vocation of marriage or singlehood for that matter, will not make sense without the One who calls us to our personal vocation - Christ Himself.

Slowly, I realise how this explains why many times over the last 2 years of seminary formation, there are times I start to lose the 'thrill of the chase' (or in this case the 'thrill of finding treasure'). I start to gaze upon other fields and wonder if the treasure hidden in those fields would be even better. The same can be said for married couples who suddenly seem to lose their flaming passions for each other which were once evident in their courtship days, only to be reduced to a whimpering flame or even just a puft of smoke as the years go by. Or in the case of getting involved in a new minstry in church, charged with all the burning enthusiasm of going all out to serve the people of God, only to eventually lose steam, interest and worse, faith. During these moments, we begin to seek other fields for other hidden treasures, seeking one worldly field after another, finding AND losing one worldly treasure after another, to the point that we keep repeating this vicious cycle throughout our lives without realising that the only treasure that can truly satisfy us, is the one God gives us, but only if we know what's the best thing to do with it.

Whenever we think we have found the treasure of our life - the dream career, the dream partner, the dream church ministry, and even the well-discerned vocation in life - even if it were really true that God led us to finding these treasures, and that they were truly meant for us, it is when we fail to hide it back in the field and go through the ardous process of selling everything to buy that field, that the treasure eventually begins to lose its meaning, its purpose, and even its attraction. Whenever we merely grab our treasure upon finding it, clinging on to it in tight possession and even obsession, the treasure slowly becomes the 'curse' on our lives, like the treasure Indiana Jones grabs which then triggers the collapse of the whole temple, except that this happens very gradually and unnoticeably in our lives, until we realise it is too late to run.

Instead, today's Gospel reading challenges us to place our God-given-and-revealed treasure back into the Giver's hands, letting God be the one to safeguard it while we go through the long, painful, but worthwhile process of 'selling' away or purifying our impure motives, our mistaken preconceptions, our harmful attitudes, our painful past, our sinful inclinations etc - whatever that obstructs us from truly, personally and intimately knowing our True Giver, so that we may eventually embrace the Giver of our life, and in turn embrace the Gift or Treasure hidden in the Giver. Only then may we uncover the true joy of the Gift in and through our Giver, uncover the true joy of whichever vocation, spouse, career, church ministry, mission that God reveals to us in His time.

Indeed, Christ is not only the One who contains our treasure, reveals our treasure, and safeguards our treasure. Ultimately, He is the KEY to unlocking our treasure, the KEY to finding joy through our gifts, joy through our ministries, joy through our relationships, and joy through our life's vocation.

And each day as I remind myself to place my vocation in His hands, and manage to 'sell away' even just a tiny portion of what I cling on to that is not of Him, I 'gain' a little more of Him, who then so generously and lovingly grants me a moment of that Kingdom experience of His treasure, to the point that I not only desire to obtain the treasure, but begin to understand why I would want the whole field as well - why all I really want and need is Christ, my beloved Giver.

Living with the Dying

Since the start of June, I began my 1-month pastoral attachment to St Joseph's Home and Hospice. I stay-in together with the residents, sleep on the same 'hospital bed' as the residents - albeit in a separate room, get bitten by the same red ants that also keep some residents awake at night, and hear the same shouts and screams of some other residents in the middle of the night. Each day, I bathe them, dress them, feed them, and spend time talking to them - or sometimes hear them ranting instead. Almost all of the residents are wheelchair-bound or bed-bound. About half require assistance for almost every simple basic task. A small number are merely and most unwillingly counting their last days. After about a week of interacting with the residents, I have observed 2 broad categories of residents.

The Living Dead
These are the ones I feel very helpless towards. Apart from being given a bath and being fed, they spend the rest of their day sitting listlessly and staring into space. Boredom creeps into their very souls and taunts them every now and then until they become a permanent fixture in their everyday life. Those who can talk share hopelessly about their previous state of life, the things they used to be able to do and control, the career they used to be able to gain wealth and pride with, the food and independence they used to be able to enjoy. Yet, given their current state of life, they sink into depression and resignation, not knowing how to go on from here, and eventually lose all sense of meaning and purpose in living. The worse are the ones deprived of love, care and regular visits from their family members, simply left all on their own with only their pain and sorrow of isolation and desertion to accompany them with every excruciating passing minute. The most painful to watch, are the ones with fear of death in their eyes that remain widely opened for fear that closing them may be the last action they ever get to do. Every moment they lie in denial and resistance, insisting to feed themselves when they no longer have the ability to, wanting to cry but refusing to carry it through. Though I see the staff and volunteers making every effort to give them some form of human dignity - such as combing their hair, cutting their nails, giving them wallets to keep in their pockets - and spend time talking to them, joking with them, or simply being present to them, it still stings me to see them in such a lifeless state.

The Dying to Live
Yet, it isn't all doom and gloom in the Home. There is another group of residents who somehow have been able to spend their days not only meaningfully but joyfully, to the point that they become the ones who sometimes 'minister' to me and bring me joy and hope. Just to point out 3 examples:

The first cheerful resident I was introduced to was an orphan at a very young age. She was taken care by the religious sisters and stayed with them for the most part of her life. Though she can walk, she has very poor eyesight that does not reach beyond her outstretched arms, and is hard of speech and hearing. Yet, every morning without fail, she walks into the chapel - or feels her way through more like it - and faithfully closes the windows or sometimes cleans them as a personal duty that she has adopted out of her own generosity. Each time you reach out to touch her, her failing eyes burst open as she throws this huge megawatt smile into your face that just melts your heart. And she most enjoys communicating with people when you trace out letters into her palm while she does the same to your palm in response.

The next uncle that amazes me may be in a wheelchair, and is also hard of speech and hearing, but he faithfully spends every day going through his own 'stations'. 4 times a day - or sometimes more - he would pray before the statue of Mother Mary with tightly clenched fists and deeply focused eyes, before adopting the same posture in front of a picture of Jesus, then followed by other statues of saints in the Home. Sometimes, you even see him in front of fishtanks or birdcages as if he were keeping them company by talking to them. Then, if you happen to pass him by and wave to him, he bursts into his own megawatt smile and excitedly makes small talk with you through simple gestures that makes it look like you just made his day.

Another astounding resident is wheelchair-bound and unable to speak, and whose contorted body and face requires others to feed him. Yet, he makes it a point to drink water on his own, carrying each glass with weak but determined fingers, lifting it up as he bends his head awkwardly backwards so as to pour water precariously into his gaping mouth that at times overflows and sends streams of water flowing down his neck. Yet, he appears unfazed and remains strong-willed and happy drinking on his own. He also loves having conversations with people, listening to others talk and then responding by spelling out words through patiently pointing letters one at a time printed on a card on his lap. He often asks me to take him on evening walks where he would asks questions about life and God, and often gets very excited and jolly when I make a joke or say something very encouraging and positive. He shares his fear of dying, but allows himself to be encouraged when I reassure him of God's presence and providence in his life.

These are just few of the many whom I see God working powerfully through them, making them powerful witnesses and 'prophets' of how we ought to live life, and more so how we often fail to live life even when we may be physically healthy.

The question that remains on my mind is what makes these 2 general groups of people so different despite the similar circumstances that they are all living - or dying - in?

"Learn how to live, and you'll know how to die; learn how to die, and you'll know how to live"

I got the chance in the Home to watch a movie based on Mitch Albom's book 'Tuesdays with Morrie', and one of the things that struck me in the movie was the above quote in bold by Morrie Schwartz, a school professor who gave his famous last 'lecture' on how to live, while he was dying. And how glaringly true his quote became as I reflected on the residents above. Yet death is a topic we are often unwilling to face or even think about. But the consequences have now become more real and alarming than I ever realised.

But how then do we learn how to live and die? I reflected on this question during my quiet prayer time, and soon the life, and death, of Christ our Saviour came to mind. Jesus first spent His life walking His talk by living out His 2 commandments for us which simply put is: Love God and neighbour. We see the love and trust He had for the Father, and the love and compassion He had for His people in His days on earth. Every moment of His life was centered upon God the Father, and focused on living for the people, not for Himself. And through the way He lived, He re-emphasized it through the way that He died - in total surrender, trust and faith in the Father's will, and in total self-giving love for the world. And through His death, He brought about New Life, for Himself in His resurrection, and for us, if we are to accept it, and live it.

The question that remains for each of us is: are we willing to learn how to live, so that we may be prepared how to die? Are we willing to think about death and learn how to die, so that we may be more equipped on how to live? We can always choose to continue living life the way we want, acquire the things in life we want, control the things we want, and enjoy the things we want. But will we ever be prepared for the day that may come at any point of our God-given life that may leave us helpless, hopeless, and eventually lifeless? If not, now may be the time we start thinking about death, and prepare for it, so that when we start to learn how to love our God and trust in His providence and will, and learn to live life meaningfully out of true, selfless love for others, the day may come when we may be physically deteriorating, and physically dying, yet we may continue to find joy, peace and meaning in being loving and life-giving in whatever small way possible, and spend every last days of our life...

...DYING TO KEEP LIVING!

Diocesan Vocation Retreat 2011 - Testimony #2

(Editor's Note: The recent Diocesan Vocation Retreat was held from 6-8 May 2011. Here is a testimony from one of our participants at the Retreat.)

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The Diocesan Vocation Retreat “Hungry Sheep Seeking Shepherds” held in 2011 was my first at the St Francis Xavier Major Seminary. Prior to the retreat, I had had a very difficult couple of months that culminated in the ending of my relationship of almost three years. I resented the Lord for taking something so precious away from me when He prompted / called me to come away and discern (seriously) the call to the priesthood. And so I came to the retreat seeking answers and some form of closure from the Lord.

The highlight of the retreat for me came during one of the Eucharistic Adoration sessions (which was then followed by the Sacrament of Reconciliation). During the session, the words of the retreat master struck me – “Do I resent God for calling me to discern the vocation to the priesthood?” I broke down in tears because that was exactly how I was feeling – the pain of ending my relationship in order to discern the call (to the priesthood) without any real tangible end in sight, was really too much for me to bear. Through the counsel of the confessor that love always entails some pain, I was reminded of how much the Lord loves me, even dying for me on the Cross. He also reminded me that the Lord is giving me a greater gift by inviting me to respond to His call. Indeed, as I recall now, the words that the Lord had spoken to the disciples, “Do not be afraid. It is I.” (Jn 6:20) was what I needed to affirm me that it is He who is calling me. It was truly a powerful and intense experience for me, when I “re-encountered” the Lord and came to a realization of His great love for me despite all my failings, sins and unworthiness. On another note, during the sharing sessions, I was continually struck and amazed by the words of one my group members. The main message for me was that having “found and trusted the Lord”, I need to “hang on what He has said”. It was another avenue that the Lord was using to reassure me.

I really cannot thank the Lord enough for His goodness and love for me, especially for giving me such reassuring words and signs; words simply fail me at this point. What I would really say to anyone who is trying to find out what is the Lord’s will for him with regard to his life’s vocation, is to “come and see” for yourself. The Lord will and can never be outdone in generosity, and you can be sure He will answer you at the appropriate moment. You will however, need to respond to His invite first, so what say you?

Clarence, 27 (Church of the Holy Spirit)

Diocesan Vocation Retreat 2011 - Testimony #1

(Editor's Note: The recent Diocesan Vocation Retreat was held from 6-8 May 2011. Here is a testimony from one of our participants at the Retreat.)

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The vocation retreat was really very rich and powerful. When I attended it on the first day, I felt like "eating more even when I was full". So I was really glad to be able to experience the three days retreat as I got to experience God's love for real. No words can describe how I felt. It was like joy overflowing my heart. If there is another retreat like this, I do not mind going for it again.

Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am Michael from OLPS. I am a Catholic neophyte, recently baptized last Easter Vigil and I am deaf. God used my own gut feeling to draw me to the Catholic family. I came from a Taoist family. I started to know and believe in Jesus when I was young, studying in a Canossian School for the hearing impaired. Afterwards, I enrolled into Montfort Secondary School where I experienced my own fall due to my ego and immaturity. Back then, I was immature and arrogant. When everything around me went wrong, I found myself in a state of despair and depression. Then, I started to notice a person who keeps calling out to me. Immediately, I recognized it was Jesus who was calling me. Back then, my instincts and gut feeling told me there was something in Jesus. That is when I started to seek Him out. So I took my first RCIY in Risen Christ out of my curiosity. However, I was too concerned with my own difficulties like 'O' levels, family problems and commitments to sports. I remembered that I felt vey "hungry and thirsty" after I left RCIY. After 'O' levels, I made a decision to seek Jesus again. I dropped everything on my hands and made my way to OLPS. I think it was a miracle because I came to OLPS without any directional help or research. It was as if I knew that place even though I had never been there before. Without any obstacle, I spoke to the priest and secretary and took up RCIY again. Gradually, I joined the church ministries like the Charismatic renewal group and Youth ministry. I also visited the other Catholic churches due to my deep interest in Charismatic activities. However, I could not get baptized because my parents objected to it. Otherwise, I would commit the grave sin of disobedience against God and my parents. I had to wait till I reached the age of 21 and then get baptized on my own. But I still felt happy and contented and continued my commitment to Church ministries despite the problems and difficulties like desolation, spiritual dryness, family problems and miscommunication. Because I knew the Catholic Church was the true Church set up by the Lord Jesus a long time ago, I felt attracted to the Eucharist and could not help but simply adore the Most Blessed Sacrament. You can say, it was the Holiness of the Church that drew me to it. Then, last year, I found the chance and took up RCIA, my third attempt. Miraculously, my parents approved me of getting baptized and joining in Holy Communion with the Catholic Church. It had been six years of waiting before I could become one with God. I think it was really God's perfect plan because over six years, I came to know God more. The better I know Jesus, the more ardently will I love Him. If I got baptized six years ago, I would probably become a lost Catholic because I had so little guidance since I am deaf and cannot interact with other people well. I could have left the Catholic Church easily. God used my hunger to draw me to the Catholic Church. I want to thank God for making me deaf so that I found it easier to find God. Through my deafness, God broke my life and found me. I could relate myself to the disciples in Emmaus where they could not recognize Jesus until He explained the scriptures and finally broke the Bread. Really amazing. Although I suffered a lot, I was still happy because through sufferings, I relied on God all the time. Like the Lord Jesus said to St Paul when he was afraid to speak to Jews, "My grace is all you need. For My power is greatest when you are weak." (2 Cor 12:9) St Teresa of Avila said, "The saints rejoiced at injuries and persecutions because in forgiving them, they had something to offer to God when they prayed."

The reason I came to this retreat is that I wanted to know the Holy Will of God for me so that I could achieve it perfectly. If you ask me why I was even thinking of priesthood before the baptism, it was because it came to me. Not I who came to find it. At first, while I was newly active in the Catholic church, I received the advertising card about the Diocesan priesthood. I felt attracted to it because of its purpose in serving. But after a small discussion with friends, I felt it was not for me because I was not baptized yet and am deaf. So I put it away and forgot all about it. Then, one year later, it came to me again. I received the booklet about the priests' testimonies in priesthood. My interest was kindled again after reading it. This time, I became serious about it because I was very sensitive to my passions in my heart if they were from God. So I asked God if He wanted me to become the priest for Him, He must show me the sign as proof to confirm it. While still praying about it, I started to learn sign language for the final year project in Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. When I was young, my primary school and parents did not allow me to use sign language and forced me to speak because they wanted me to mix with the world. It was very difficult for me because I did not have enough practice to speak and had very little training. Back then, English was the only accent taught in the Canossian School for the hearing impaired. Anyway, I was learning sign language for three months when I met my two interpreters. They brought me to the Singapore Catholic Deaf Community where I found my true calling. Over there, a deaf senior woman came to me and signed, "Young man, we had a very good hearing priest but unfortunately, he was old and sick, already down with diabetes. He was our spiritual director and is now staying in Canada. And the president of the deaf community is the potential candidate but he cannot become the priest because he is married. Both are hoping and looking for a deaf man to become a priest to serve our deaf world." I was astonished to the extent that my heart kept stirring up.

Father William Goh's session assured me that my intention for the priesthood was proper and correct because I intended to sacrifice my life for God as the purpose of my choice in priesthood. Priesthood is the gift to all mankind and is not meant for the selfish purpose. He taught that the priesthood is really mysterious because we are not worthy since we are sinners yet we can become priests through God's grace. It is not that priests themselves are qualified just because they are holy. It's God's grace given to them. We were not in the retreat by chance and coincidence. It's that God chose us. Father Alex's session taught me that God loves us so much that He chose us. Take Saint Peter for example, as he said. Even though Saint Peter was violent, loud-mouthed and low educated, Jesus chose him as the Rock of the Catholic Church. Why is it so since he was such a terrible candidate? It is because God loves him so much. Father William said that we do not need to be talented, smart, powerful, famous and strong to become priests except the holiness which is the effect of the Church. Pope John Paul II said that the baptised are called to holiness. What surprised me is that Father William taught that we can grow holy through ministries serving the people. I thought we only grow holy in prayer and mediating on the Word of God. He taught that holiness is to be one with yourself, God and other people. It is not a very difficult life. Actually, it makes life easier. He taught that we must continue to develop our spirituality and deepen our prayer life. We must love God with all our heart, mind and strength and pray for the gift of vocation. Father Alex taught that we must be honest in our discernment process. Otherwise, we cannot find our true vocation. My passion was heightened afterwards. I wanted to start journeying with my spiritual director to confirm my calling soon. Actually, I was very keen in the Jesuits because of their very deep spiritual life. I believe that once we know our deepest desire of our hearts, then we will know our true calling and true vocation from God. God is also present in the deepest place of our hearts. Jesuits are well known for their spirituality, strict lifestyle and intellect. But I felt drawn to Diocesan priesthood more because of my desire to serve people, especially deaf people and bringing them to God was stronger rather than focusing on my own developments. I see the priesthood as the true love of God because through sacraments, we get connected to God and join in Holy Communion with Him. Without priests, there would not be the Catholic Church today. Holiness is the fruit of love. I remembered Archbishop Nicholas Chia's teaching when he wrote the book, "Journey through RCIA". He taught that we have three great virtues: Faith, Hope and Love. Love is the greatest among three virtues because Faith gives way to eternal life and Hope gives way to the Vision of what we believe. But Love keeps growing forever and ever. There is no end of Love. It was really a wise teaching of Archbishop Nicholas Chia.

What had a deep impact on me? It's the Hourly Adoration of the Most Blessed Sacrament in the chapel. I always love adoring the Blessed Sacrament because through faith I can see the Lord Jesus in it. My heart was stirring up excitedly when He asked us whether we really loved Him and then asked us to feed His sheep. It was really a great honor we received because St Therese of Lisieux said, "The greatest honor God can do a soul is not to give it much but to ask much of it." Jesus asked me, "Michael, do you love Me? Will you feed My sheep?" And He told me, "You're my wonderful child. I made you special so you can reach out to so many more people whom other priests cannot reach out to. You are wonderfully made. The road ahead of you will not be easy because you are destined for greater tasks than anyone here in this room. You will be their light in time to come." I felt like my heart was bursting out in an explosion and I cried like a crybaby. Another thing that had a deep impact on me was the video: "Fishers of men". What captured my attention was the story of how a priest inspired a young boy to become a priest. This is the holiness, the effect of the Church as Father William taught. Father William also taught that people only believe in what we do. Not what we say. If we want to change, we must change our lives. As we change our lives, we will change other people too. And the dying man whom the priest blessed, challenged my thoughts. There are many people who need priests in the world. What if they die suddenly and there is no priest around to deliver them to Heaven? What if they die without knowing God? Like Father William's situation when he was a young priest. He thought many people knew how to pray but in fact they did not know. So he taught them how to pray. As a result, they grew in their relationship with God. It kept ringing out to me because I knew many many many deaf people who do not know how to connect to God since they have very little guidance. It applies to other unfortunate people too. Saint Felix Rougier said, "The thermometer of faith depends on the number of the religious people and priests."

After the retreat, I knew where I am going. But I first want to obey the Catholic church by living my Catholic faith for three years as a Catholic neophyte in order to fulfill Canon Law's requirements. If I do not obey it, how can I obey God, Pope Benedict XVI, Archbishop Nicholas Chia and the senior priests? Even though it will be harder for me to become a priest, I still want to be a priest. Even if it costs my life, I still want to become a priest because I am already dead to myself and fully alive in the Lord Jesus Christ. So my life all belongs to God alone. I will certainly make a lot of efforts to learn how to speak for the sake of Christ. Then, I will be able to serve all kinds of people and bring them to the Lord Jesus Christ, our true God, our true King and our true Saviour.

Now, my only wish is that the Lord Jesus takes control of all my life and uses me for whatever He wants and teaches me how to become the Saint. Then, I will be able to produce fruits in Jesus, giving glory to our Abba Father. Everyone in the world will know how much I love the Lord Jesus.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, please look at the Tabernacle and applause to Lord Jesus for He deserves all our praise, honor, glory and reverence. Thank you for listening to my story.

Best regards and God bless,

Michael Gabriel Raphael Goo, OLPS

Surprise Party

“Do you trust me?”

This seems to be the question God continues to ask me throughout my vocation discernment journey.

If you’ve ever planned a surprise party for someone, especially someone truly important and special to you, you know you would create the best possible plan ever and make the most amazing party arrangements just to give that person the time of his life. And once you’ve prepared everything, just before you lead that special someone to your surprise party, you would blindfold him, and whisper into his ear, “Do you trust me?”

God did that to me 4 years ago. That was a time when I had a secure and promising career in a top accounting firm, and was blessed with a beautiful, Christ-loving girlfriend who was everything I ever wanted in a lifetime partner for marriage. I thought I had everything I could ever ask for. But God knew better. With a grin on His face, He blindfolded me and prompted me to attend my first Diocesan Vocation Retreat. Initially, I was apprehensive, especially when I couldn’t see what was ahead of me. Then God whispered into my ear, “Do you trust me?”

During the retreat, God then lifted up my blindfold a little, and gave me a sneak preview of what was ahead of me. As I learnt more about the priesthood, my eyes were opened to a whole new way of life, one where I was actually attracted and inspired to boldly lay down my life not just for my spouse, but for the entire Church! Of course, under the blindfold, I was also crying profusely at the thought of having to leave and disappoint my girlfriend then. But God whispered into my ear, “Do you trust me?”

4 years later, I can now share this testimony only because I answered, “Yes!” And I’m here to tell you, that God’s vocation for me has so far been the most amazing surprise party of my life! Throughout my party, one pleasant surprise after another keeps coming up, and the Party Planner, God Himself, has shown that He can never be outdone in faithfulness, generosity, and surprises!

Firstly, every struggle, pain, obstacle and worry that I had to deal with in responding to my call, was taken care of one after another over time. My ex-girlfriend was blessed with another God-loving man; my family has been well taken care of; and my resentment and jealousy towards couples have been healed. All of them now join me in my party with their full support and blessing, and that has meant the world to me.

Secondly, never did I imagine how much closer I could get in my relationship with God. The more I trusted Him, the more the Lord revealed Himself to me in ways so personal and deep that it has brought me tears of joy many times. Through this relationship, I no longer need to see what is ahead of me with my eyes, but have learnt to let the Lord take me by the hand, and simply see the Lord’s providence, goodness and love with my heart, trusting Him to lead me every step of the way to the greater things that lie ahead of me.

Thirdly, I have met so many people whom God has brought into my party, and have witnessed and been affirmed of how the Lord has been using me to make such a deep impact in their lives that I am just astounded and filled with so much joy when I see these people filled with the same joy and love that I have experienced from the Lord!

Our God-given vocation in life is not something to be fearful of. Whether priesthood, religious life, marriage, or single life, all these vocations are meant to be a party! - a celebration of God’s love for us! But it is not just a celebration for us alone. Our vocation also affects the lives of many out there whom God has brought into our surprise party, people waiting for us to answer our call and appear at our own surprise party, so that they too can receive blessings and love and joy from God through the living out of our own vocation. Our one choice whether to trust in the Lord’s plan for us, can determine a lifelong celebration for thousands, including ourselves, or turn us into a party pooper, and leave many disappointed and deprived of a celebration.

Today, I pray for those of you who have yet to find your vocation in life, or may already have some promptings but are still fearful of proceeding blindfolded. Be assured that God has already made all the necessary and awesome preparations for your surprise party. On top of that, He has brought in all the necessary people who shall support you in your journey, as well as all the people whom He wishes to bless through you. God is not asking you to jump off a cliff blindfolded. He only asks that you trust Him one small step at a time. All you need to do, to enter into the biggest party of your life, is let the Lord blindfold you and take you by the hand, and respond positively to Him when He whispers into your ear, “My Beloved, do you trust me?”

If only we understood...

Every Maundy Thursday, The Chruch of St Anthony of Padua (Woodlands) will always hold the Passover Sedar meal of the Lord. This year is no exception. And definately, I was there as well.


Being early, I 'floated' around looking for the best place to sit, view and enjoy the narration of the supper. Somehow, the Lord did not permit me to just sit anywhere but he had reserved a special place for me. I ended up at the place of honour at the table. The place to the left of Jesus......

It was a place, not only of honour, but held great meaning. Not only was I next to the master of the banquet, I was also in the place of Judas Iscariot, the one who was to betray him. I was having mixed emotions... I knew the Lord has a revealation for me... I just had to wait for it...

It was only when the supper was almost over that Jesus (Fr Terence), explained that Judas was forgiven the moment when he dipped into the same dish with Jesus, when Jesus handed him the bread. There was no doubt to him about it. Was this the reason that his guilt became too great for him to bear and that is why he hung himself?

I was reflecting on this event and how I ended up in the seat of honour. There are many times that I felt like Judas, because of my many shortcomings and struggle with sin. There are so many people out there who are more worthy than me yet I am being called to the Seminary.

What did Jesus see in me that deem me worthy to be where I am now? I thought and pondered and reflected... and I cannot come up with any decent convincing answer.... except one... If he loves me enough to die for me, isn't that enough?

... if only we understood ...

I want to be....

There once was a stone cutter, who complained to God daily about his pitiful state. God finally got tired of it. "Tell you what. I will give you a chance to become whatever you feel is better than your pitiful state." said God.

The stone cutter is envious of the Merchant who buys his stones at a low price and yet sell them off at such a handsome profit. The stone cutter is tired of being exploited.

"I want to be the Merchant!" POOF! The newly changed Merchant shout in glee! Unfortunately, his transformation falls on taxation day. He has to pay the King almost forty percent of his profit. The newly- changed merchant became indignant. He did not like feeling small.

"I want to be the King!" POOF! The newly changed King is so happy that he went in to his beautiful palace garden to relax. The sun rays keep shining down on him and prevented him from falling asleep. The newly changed King became irrationally angry at the sun who stood high in the sky looking down on him. He did not like being looked down on.

"I want to be the sun!" POOF! The newly changed sun shined with all his might and take great joy in looking down on all creation. Suddenly, great clouds came and blocked his sight of the earth. try as his might, he cannot shine thru the thick clouds. He was fiery pissed at the notion that he can be ignored. He did not like being ignored.

"I want to be the cloud!" POOF! The newly changed cloud blocked out the sun and covered the earth in shade the whole day. Just when the cloud thinks that he can covered everything, he noticed something pointy sticking out of him. It is the mountain. The cloud cannot covered the whole of the gigantic mountain. He did not like to be thwarted by the mountain.

"I want to be the mountain!" POOF! The newly changed mountain sits smugly on earth, knowing that nothing can move him...

"CHIP! CHIP! CHIP!" The mountain wondered at the noise, and to his horror, it is a stone cutter carving out huge slabs of stone from the mountain core. "I want to be the stone cutter!" POOF! The stone cutter returned to his original form and complained no more after that.

This story is heard from the Conversion Experience Retreat recently. We always go one big round, wishing that we are somebody else. We fell into the trap of envy. We lament about the little gift we have and at times we wish that we can be like someone else. It is only when we realise who we truly are, we see the worth of ourselves in God's eyes!

Here in Kampung Punggol, whever a brother has a special talent, we remind ourselves constantly that it is a gift from God. The special talent may lead the brother to teach the rest of the community to learn new things. We praise God for him. This is a constant reminder for ourselves as we need to be on guard towards these negative emotions. We must not be a slave to envy, for it will eat us from inside out. Let us examine our lives and see where we have allowed envy to seep in. Lift them up to the Lord, for He loves us and He will surely grant us the grace to overcome it.

The life of the body is a tranqil heart, but envy is a cancer in the bones. Proverbs 14:30