Diocesan Vocation Retreat 2011 - Testimony #1

(Editor's Note: The recent Diocesan Vocation Retreat was held from 6-8 May 2011. Here is a testimony from one of our participants at the Retreat.)

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The vocation retreat was really very rich and powerful. When I attended it on the first day, I felt like "eating more even when I was full". So I was really glad to be able to experience the three days retreat as I got to experience God's love for real. No words can describe how I felt. It was like joy overflowing my heart. If there is another retreat like this, I do not mind going for it again.

Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am Michael from OLPS. I am a Catholic neophyte, recently baptized last Easter Vigil and I am deaf. God used my own gut feeling to draw me to the Catholic family. I came from a Taoist family. I started to know and believe in Jesus when I was young, studying in a Canossian School for the hearing impaired. Afterwards, I enrolled into Montfort Secondary School where I experienced my own fall due to my ego and immaturity. Back then, I was immature and arrogant. When everything around me went wrong, I found myself in a state of despair and depression. Then, I started to notice a person who keeps calling out to me. Immediately, I recognized it was Jesus who was calling me. Back then, my instincts and gut feeling told me there was something in Jesus. That is when I started to seek Him out. So I took my first RCIY in Risen Christ out of my curiosity. However, I was too concerned with my own difficulties like 'O' levels, family problems and commitments to sports. I remembered that I felt vey "hungry and thirsty" after I left RCIY. After 'O' levels, I made a decision to seek Jesus again. I dropped everything on my hands and made my way to OLPS. I think it was a miracle because I came to OLPS without any directional help or research. It was as if I knew that place even though I had never been there before. Without any obstacle, I spoke to the priest and secretary and took up RCIY again. Gradually, I joined the church ministries like the Charismatic renewal group and Youth ministry. I also visited the other Catholic churches due to my deep interest in Charismatic activities. However, I could not get baptized because my parents objected to it. Otherwise, I would commit the grave sin of disobedience against God and my parents. I had to wait till I reached the age of 21 and then get baptized on my own. But I still felt happy and contented and continued my commitment to Church ministries despite the problems and difficulties like desolation, spiritual dryness, family problems and miscommunication. Because I knew the Catholic Church was the true Church set up by the Lord Jesus a long time ago, I felt attracted to the Eucharist and could not help but simply adore the Most Blessed Sacrament. You can say, it was the Holiness of the Church that drew me to it. Then, last year, I found the chance and took up RCIA, my third attempt. Miraculously, my parents approved me of getting baptized and joining in Holy Communion with the Catholic Church. It had been six years of waiting before I could become one with God. I think it was really God's perfect plan because over six years, I came to know God more. The better I know Jesus, the more ardently will I love Him. If I got baptized six years ago, I would probably become a lost Catholic because I had so little guidance since I am deaf and cannot interact with other people well. I could have left the Catholic Church easily. God used my hunger to draw me to the Catholic Church. I want to thank God for making me deaf so that I found it easier to find God. Through my deafness, God broke my life and found me. I could relate myself to the disciples in Emmaus where they could not recognize Jesus until He explained the scriptures and finally broke the Bread. Really amazing. Although I suffered a lot, I was still happy because through sufferings, I relied on God all the time. Like the Lord Jesus said to St Paul when he was afraid to speak to Jews, "My grace is all you need. For My power is greatest when you are weak." (2 Cor 12:9) St Teresa of Avila said, "The saints rejoiced at injuries and persecutions because in forgiving them, they had something to offer to God when they prayed."

The reason I came to this retreat is that I wanted to know the Holy Will of God for me so that I could achieve it perfectly. If you ask me why I was even thinking of priesthood before the baptism, it was because it came to me. Not I who came to find it. At first, while I was newly active in the Catholic church, I received the advertising card about the Diocesan priesthood. I felt attracted to it because of its purpose in serving. But after a small discussion with friends, I felt it was not for me because I was not baptized yet and am deaf. So I put it away and forgot all about it. Then, one year later, it came to me again. I received the booklet about the priests' testimonies in priesthood. My interest was kindled again after reading it. This time, I became serious about it because I was very sensitive to my passions in my heart if they were from God. So I asked God if He wanted me to become the priest for Him, He must show me the sign as proof to confirm it. While still praying about it, I started to learn sign language for the final year project in Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. When I was young, my primary school and parents did not allow me to use sign language and forced me to speak because they wanted me to mix with the world. It was very difficult for me because I did not have enough practice to speak and had very little training. Back then, English was the only accent taught in the Canossian School for the hearing impaired. Anyway, I was learning sign language for three months when I met my two interpreters. They brought me to the Singapore Catholic Deaf Community where I found my true calling. Over there, a deaf senior woman came to me and signed, "Young man, we had a very good hearing priest but unfortunately, he was old and sick, already down with diabetes. He was our spiritual director and is now staying in Canada. And the president of the deaf community is the potential candidate but he cannot become the priest because he is married. Both are hoping and looking for a deaf man to become a priest to serve our deaf world." I was astonished to the extent that my heart kept stirring up.

Father William Goh's session assured me that my intention for the priesthood was proper and correct because I intended to sacrifice my life for God as the purpose of my choice in priesthood. Priesthood is the gift to all mankind and is not meant for the selfish purpose. He taught that the priesthood is really mysterious because we are not worthy since we are sinners yet we can become priests through God's grace. It is not that priests themselves are qualified just because they are holy. It's God's grace given to them. We were not in the retreat by chance and coincidence. It's that God chose us. Father Alex's session taught me that God loves us so much that He chose us. Take Saint Peter for example, as he said. Even though Saint Peter was violent, loud-mouthed and low educated, Jesus chose him as the Rock of the Catholic Church. Why is it so since he was such a terrible candidate? It is because God loves him so much. Father William said that we do not need to be talented, smart, powerful, famous and strong to become priests except the holiness which is the effect of the Church. Pope John Paul II said that the baptised are called to holiness. What surprised me is that Father William taught that we can grow holy through ministries serving the people. I thought we only grow holy in prayer and mediating on the Word of God. He taught that holiness is to be one with yourself, God and other people. It is not a very difficult life. Actually, it makes life easier. He taught that we must continue to develop our spirituality and deepen our prayer life. We must love God with all our heart, mind and strength and pray for the gift of vocation. Father Alex taught that we must be honest in our discernment process. Otherwise, we cannot find our true vocation. My passion was heightened afterwards. I wanted to start journeying with my spiritual director to confirm my calling soon. Actually, I was very keen in the Jesuits because of their very deep spiritual life. I believe that once we know our deepest desire of our hearts, then we will know our true calling and true vocation from God. God is also present in the deepest place of our hearts. Jesuits are well known for their spirituality, strict lifestyle and intellect. But I felt drawn to Diocesan priesthood more because of my desire to serve people, especially deaf people and bringing them to God was stronger rather than focusing on my own developments. I see the priesthood as the true love of God because through sacraments, we get connected to God and join in Holy Communion with Him. Without priests, there would not be the Catholic Church today. Holiness is the fruit of love. I remembered Archbishop Nicholas Chia's teaching when he wrote the book, "Journey through RCIA". He taught that we have three great virtues: Faith, Hope and Love. Love is the greatest among three virtues because Faith gives way to eternal life and Hope gives way to the Vision of what we believe. But Love keeps growing forever and ever. There is no end of Love. It was really a wise teaching of Archbishop Nicholas Chia.

What had a deep impact on me? It's the Hourly Adoration of the Most Blessed Sacrament in the chapel. I always love adoring the Blessed Sacrament because through faith I can see the Lord Jesus in it. My heart was stirring up excitedly when He asked us whether we really loved Him and then asked us to feed His sheep. It was really a great honor we received because St Therese of Lisieux said, "The greatest honor God can do a soul is not to give it much but to ask much of it." Jesus asked me, "Michael, do you love Me? Will you feed My sheep?" And He told me, "You're my wonderful child. I made you special so you can reach out to so many more people whom other priests cannot reach out to. You are wonderfully made. The road ahead of you will not be easy because you are destined for greater tasks than anyone here in this room. You will be their light in time to come." I felt like my heart was bursting out in an explosion and I cried like a crybaby. Another thing that had a deep impact on me was the video: "Fishers of men". What captured my attention was the story of how a priest inspired a young boy to become a priest. This is the holiness, the effect of the Church as Father William taught. Father William also taught that people only believe in what we do. Not what we say. If we want to change, we must change our lives. As we change our lives, we will change other people too. And the dying man whom the priest blessed, challenged my thoughts. There are many people who need priests in the world. What if they die suddenly and there is no priest around to deliver them to Heaven? What if they die without knowing God? Like Father William's situation when he was a young priest. He thought many people knew how to pray but in fact they did not know. So he taught them how to pray. As a result, they grew in their relationship with God. It kept ringing out to me because I knew many many many deaf people who do not know how to connect to God since they have very little guidance. It applies to other unfortunate people too. Saint Felix Rougier said, "The thermometer of faith depends on the number of the religious people and priests."

After the retreat, I knew where I am going. But I first want to obey the Catholic church by living my Catholic faith for three years as a Catholic neophyte in order to fulfill Canon Law's requirements. If I do not obey it, how can I obey God, Pope Benedict XVI, Archbishop Nicholas Chia and the senior priests? Even though it will be harder for me to become a priest, I still want to be a priest. Even if it costs my life, I still want to become a priest because I am already dead to myself and fully alive in the Lord Jesus Christ. So my life all belongs to God alone. I will certainly make a lot of efforts to learn how to speak for the sake of Christ. Then, I will be able to serve all kinds of people and bring them to the Lord Jesus Christ, our true God, our true King and our true Saviour.

Now, my only wish is that the Lord Jesus takes control of all my life and uses me for whatever He wants and teaches me how to become the Saint. Then, I will be able to produce fruits in Jesus, giving glory to our Abba Father. Everyone in the world will know how much I love the Lord Jesus.

My brothers and sisters in Christ, please look at the Tabernacle and applause to Lord Jesus for He deserves all our praise, honor, glory and reverence. Thank you for listening to my story.

Best regards and God bless,

Michael Gabriel Raphael Goo, OLPS